grade curves

Is it weird that grade curves are really odd to me?

My undergraduate institution did not use curves. If any particular professors did, they did not tell us. The grade you got was the grade you deserved. I've always felt that was fair.

The whole concept, in fact, of a teacher grading on a curve, seems sort of mean. In essence, no matter how well you do, if you aren't in the highest percentile, you won't get an A. I could do A-quality work, but if some predetermined slice of other students in my class do A+ quality work, I could very easily be assigned a B instead of an A.

This is something I am not going to like about law school.

New tack

The last few weeks have been unproductive. Once I had my wisdom teeth out, my schedule went to pot. I stopped studying as regularly and I stopped going to the gym in the morning. Consequently, my practice test scores have suffered and I have gained about five pounds. Both of these things are unacceptable.

I'm a firm believer in recognizing your weaknesses and countering them however you can. And here's what I've noticed about me:

• As much as I like the way I feel when I go to the gym early in the morning, I am not an early riser. It is far more likely that I'll reset the alarm and stay in bed at 6 am than actually get up and venture out to the gym. I know this because I have done it several times in the last three weeks.


• When I am at home, almost anything else I can do will be more attractive than studying. And when at home, there are lots of other things for me to do—not just the unproductive ones, like watching TV and reading novels, but also the homeowner things, like cleaning and drywall repair.

So. These shortcomings firmly in mind, I'm making some "New [School] Year Resolutions." Nevermind that I'm not in school; I work for an educational institution, so I feel the academic cycle as much as any other student or teacher. These resolutions are:

• I will go to the gym after work. This will be more inconvenient for me, as the gym is much more crowded at 5:30 pm than at 6:15 am, but the morning thing just isn't happening. My punishment for being so lazy in the morning, then, is that I will fight rush hour traffic, scavenge for a parking space, and actually get some exercise.


• I will follow up my trip to the gym with a trip to one of my favorite coffeehouses, where I will be without my computer and wireless access—and therefore without distractions. I will study for the LSAT. I will take practice tests. If I begin to feel confident in my performance on said practice tests, I may work on my personal statement—again, though, sans computer. I will work in longhand. This will probably be more productive anyway, since I won't get caught up on a single turn of phrase and attempt to edit it to perfection as I am writing. This is the problem with word processing.

The beautiful thing is that husband is in class late two nights a week. So my gym/coffeehouse schedule will work beautifully on those nights. The nights he's in class but not late, I can still go to the gym after work and beat him home. And finally, he has agreed to come with me to a coffeehouse or some location that is not our home on the weekends so we can BOTH get some studying done.

This, I think, is good practice for the future.

divine angst

This article makes me feel better about being the oldest woman in my family without a child.

blogroll update

Bloglines has added a feature that makes it easy to keep your blogroll up-to-date. Insert a line of code into your template, and all of your public subscriptions appear, neatly listed. Consequently, you'll notice some new folks on my list that I've been subscribing to but hadn't added to the roll yet. Welcome!

atticus finch

Watching To Kill a Mockingbird. God, I love this movie. The book is good (I haven't read it in years—probably since middle school) but the movie is phenomenal. I just love Atticus Finch.

a taste of the future

Mr. Angst is taking some classes this semester (and next, for that matter) at the local community college—primarily math and programming classes to fulfill prerequisites for the masters programs he's looking at.

He's only been in class a week, and I hate it. Not that he's in class, and not even that he's in class relatively late most nights of the week. We're pretty good at squeezing in what time we can, when we can.

No, I'm hating the disruption. Suddenly my schedule is all out of whack. Usually, we eat dinner together almost every night of the week; now, he's eating out three nights a week, and I'm left to either cook for one (blech) or scavenge what leftovers there may be. Or eat a sandwich (double blech). When he gets home, he has homework to do—which is also fine, as watching him work encourages me to study for the LSAT and work on my personal statement—but the added tasks mean we go to bed later and more tired, and that makes getting up early enough to do productive things before work even harder.

I know that, next year, we'll be dealing with the same kind of upheaval and I'm not looking forward to it.

The things I am looking forward to: having something more to do in the evenings and on the weekends than household chores (I much prefer studying to housework). Reasons to actually get research done in preparation for writing. Lots of extra reasons not to watch TV more than I should (I often put it on just for the white noise, and find myself sucked into shows I have no real interest in). Using my brain. Being in school.

urgh

Just when I start thinking positive...today's practice LSAT was not good. I backtracked by 4 whole points. I'm a little hungover, not really motivated, and have probably done too much thinking about things lately. Oddly, my games performance remained the same -- about 16 correct. It was the other sections that I lost points on.

Good experience, though, good experience. After all, I could feel bad or be mentally fuzzy on the actual day, just like this morning. Just have to get over that. And over the feeling that the practice tests don't really have any meaning. That hurts my motivation to sit through the damn thing and keep my focus up.

I had a very bizarre dream last night. I don't entirely remember the whole thing, but the main gist of it was that I had, somehow, committed a crime—or had been present during the commission of a crime—and then, in self-defense, I had to shoot someone.

[This, in itself, is weird, because I despise guns.]

Then I was having to get ready to go to jail, and cleaning out my father's Cadillac, which he hasn't owned in five years and which, apparently, I had been using as an escape vehicle. And everyone was being very nice to me, helping me clean out the car so they could then take me away to jail. Then, in my dream, it finally hit me: Oh no! I'm going to jail! And, then, I thought, Now I'll never get to go to law school! THAT made me cry. And I cried for a while.

So everyone tried to comfort me, saying things like, Oh, you'll just have to explain things to the bar, but you can still be a lawyer, it'll be OK, it really will... And I thought, Oh yes, I'm still going to go to law school. Oh my gosh, I can write the BEST personal statement about this!

"I stood, gun in hand, not knowing what I had done, but sure that I could never be a lawyer now, not after I'd killed a man..."

Oh yeah. Law school, here I come.

too busy, too busy

I have three parties to attend this weekend.

This, to my mind, is too many, particularly considering that two of them are short-notice parties. And of the short notice parties is a one-year old's birthday party! Gah! Now I have to buy a gift. Thankfully, the other two are gift-free. Not having to buy a gift makes a short-notice party much more palatable, but it's still inconvenient: It wrecks my weekend plans.

This weekend, I hoped to do some writing, take a full-length practice LSAT, fix the broken closet, and find places for all the clean laundry that can't be hung because of the broken closet. Now I'll be lucky to get two of those done. Which two? Well, probably the practice test, since that requires the least physical exertion. The other three are a toss-up, depending on whether or not I make it to Home Depot for the drywall putty.

I also hoped to spend a relaxing Sunday afternoon in the kitchen, preparing Sunday dinner. (Sunday dinner is the night we eat at the table, not in front of the TV or computer.) Two lovely New York strip steaks, marinated portobello mushrooms, aparagus, maybe even Bearnaise if my whisking arm felt up to the challenge.

All of this is now questionable, because we will probably be too full of hotdogs and birthday cake to be hungry for my delicious dinner.

There's something about the fall and the start of school that drives people to start planning events. No matter how clear your calendar is in early August, it will be completely full by Labor Day. Every weekend will be booked.

I hoped this fall would be different. Last fall, we were on the verge of getting married, so full weekends were understandable. This year, we have no reason to have so many committments lined up—but we do. I just want one weekend where I can lay on the couch, guilt free, knowing I have nothing to do. But until the LSAT, I have to study; after the LSAT, I have to get my applications completed; after that, we're in the holidays—and, then, BAM, it's spring and we'll be putting the house on the market.

It never ends.

Playing around

I've added HaloScan trackbacks to this blog but left in the Blogger comments. I'm not yet sure whether or not I want popup comments. But I definitely want TrackBack!

Just tired

All the thinking I've been doing this week has worn me out. It's only Thursday, and my soul is just weary. I've been thinking a little too much on my personal statement—even though I really like it. I've been unable to really motivate myself to study, and that makes me feel guilty. (My mother, who has a Masters in Psychology, would say no one and nothing can make me feel anything I don't want to feel. OK. I want to feel guilty about not studying. Yessiree.) Things at work are getting a little hectic, which stresses me out during the day. (I'm pleased to note that I have not been taking my work worries home with me, though.) And it's the end of the month so the bank account is a bit lean, as usual. With several purchases to make and one more bill to pay, that also takes its toll on my mental stability.

For some reason, I just can't concentrate. I set the alarm early this morning so I could get up and put some laundry away, maybe do some yoga, and relax rather than running around, feeling late. But instead of doing any of those things, I snoozed. And snoozed again. I got up at the same time I usually do, and was forced to run around, feeling late.

If I feel so lost now, how in God's name will I be able to cope with law school? This is a silly question, of course, because I have always been very good at getting things done for school. Something about learning new things every day keeps me more motivated, I guess.

But all the other things that make up a life? How will I deal with those? Laundry, cooking, cleaning, bill paying...if I'm just barely keeping ahead of those things now, how will I manage in a year? I used to be quite organized about paying bills and balancing my checkbook. Since I got married, we've been juggling the responsibilities and haven't really settled into a good routine, which always worries me. Still, at least I know I'm capable of maintaining fiscal organization.

But the domestic things....I've never been good at those. In college, I only had a small dorm room to worry about, and I didn't have much stuff. It was tough for things to get out of hand. And even when I lived alone, I had a small apartment with no dishwasher. I had to do the dishes regularly or I wouldn't have plates to eat on. I think I figured having a partner would help both of us be more on top of the housecleaning. It's done the opposite, I think. We tend to leave things longer than we otherwise might have. And then they get to the point that things are so messy it's overwhelming to contemplate actually getting things back to their original clean state.

So, all in all, it's been a rough week. Things seem off, just not the same as they've been. I feel stagnant.

Disclosure

Today, I feel the need to talk about myself. I also like it when someone has an "about me" post. So here's mine. I think I'll divide into bits about me that are interesting.

First, though, the basics: I am in my mid-to-late-twenties, married, and employed as a web writer for a large educational institution. I have no kids or pets but I do have a mint plant that I have successfully avoided killing for three years now.

Now, onto the interesting tidbits.

I had a weird double major. I majored in Religion and Theatre. A lot of people seem to think this means I should go into some sort of ministry. Much like a girl I knew with a Music and Psychology double-major, I did not major in those two things so I could combine them in some new and different way—I just liked the subjects. Also, I don't really want to be in ministry. I go to church, and even sing in my church choir. But I think ministry requires a certain comfortableness with one's personal doubt, and I'm not really there.

I once held four jobs at the same time. This sounds worse than it is, but at one point, I worked a forty-hour job, picked up 10 retail hours on the weekend, was on contract as a set designer putting in another 8 hours a week, and was directing a friend's play, having rehearsals two nights a week for three hours each night. It was fun, but I also had very few friends at the time—the playwright mentioned above, and my roommate, who was also my retail manager. Thus, I didn't really miss the social life I didn't have.

Along those lines, here's a list of jobs I've had:
Babysitter
Camp counselor
Arts and crafts director
Library drudge
Dormitory computer expert
Computer lab help person
Project Manager for a waste management company
Hostess
Waitress
Admininstrative Assistant/Associate (secretary), public sector
Program Coordinator, public sector
Freelance graphic designer
Freelance set designer
Web writer

I went to Catholic school for twelve years. In fact, I've never attended a public school, unless you count the class I took at [Big Unnamed State University] for fun last year. If it doesn't count for LSAC, it doesn't count, right?

I love college football. College football is always exciting and fun, more so than professional football. I have season tickets to [Big Unnamed University] football—me and my husband, and about eight of our friends. And my dad and several other relatives. We're all big fans. Maybe we'll go to a good bowl game this year.

I have eight siblings, in various forms of step, half, and full.

I used to paint a lot, and one of my mother's favorite pictures is one I painted.

I also used to write a fair amount of poetry, but none of it was any good.

I have never attempted to write a short story, because I can never come up with a plot.

I did, however, once create a solo performance piece loosely based on a childhood experience. It got good reactions, and I used it for my senior comprehensive exam oral component.

I had to teach myself to cook so that I could eat when I got my first apartment. My mom didn't cook much, and I never picked up the art of it. So when I graduated college, I couldn't make much more than mac and cheese from the box. My roommate knew a little more than I did, but not much—we depended on her mom to send us easy-to-make recipes. Flash forward five years: I make a killer Hollandaise and she's in culinary school. Moral: everyone can learn to cook.

My husband is a full 14 (fourteen) inches taller than me. That makes me somewhat shorter than average and him somewhat taller than average. I am, in fact, the shortest full-grown woman in my family—including cousins, aunts, and sisters. I am even shorter than my mother. My youngest stepsister is only three inches away from being taller than me, so soon I will be just the shortest woman, no qualification, in my family. I complain about being short, but it's often a case of this lady protesting too much. There's a certain "caché" to being petite.

So there we go.

Oh, and I want to go to law school.

From Begging the Question

Here's a little sumpin' about blogging, from Begging the Question. I thought it was interesting, and I usually enjoy these kinds of things. I've modified the questions slightly and omitted some for which I had no answer. So, with no further ado...

Why did you get into blogging in the first place?
I am an early-adopter; I love new technology. I started using Blogger several years ago (maybe 2001?) because I was taking an online web design class and our teacher had a blog. I thought it was very cool and started my own. This was before the handy web-based tools at Blogger, and I had my blog FTP'd to a free geocities account. Then geocities cut off FTP, thus killing that website and my blog. I came back to blogging after a girl in a writing class I took wrote one of her papers on blogging. I had been looking for an outlet; blogging worked.

What are the best and worst aspects of blogging for you?
Best: psuedo-anonymity for my writing. A place to post random thoughts (in the case of my "personal" blog) and a place to post directed thoughts (this blog). Practice practice practice. Worst: pressure to be clever, write brilliant material all the time, get readership. I'm not sure I really care about readership, but everyone else does, so I guess I do too.

Do you use Blogger or Movable Type, or some other blogging system, and why that one?
Blogger for now. It's easy to update, always on, web-based. Nice. I'd consider moving to MT, but we'd have to see if the husband would be willing to fiddle with our server so I could. Also, I'm cheap. Blogger is free. MT is free, but a domain name isn't, and jumping through Time Warner's hoops to get a static IP is also not appealing. Typepad is intriguing, but also not free, and it seems like it's too easy. I like to have to enter a little code.

Do you have comments on your blog, and why?
I do have comments. Even though I have comments, my blog is mostly monologuey. Comments are like candy for me—something I don't get a lot of, but that make me happy when I do. I imagine that if my comments were to increase, the nature of my blog would change.

How much do you care about readership/links? Are you obsessive about checking the number of visitors you have ? Do you use SiteMeter, or Technorati, or TTLB, or other systems for measuring these things? Do you take any specific steps to increase readership, such as sending posts to other blogs or posting comments at other blogs asking readers to go to your blog?
I care a little about readership, as I said above. Part of me really wants other people to read my stuff and tell me it's good. I use SiteMeter, but the free version only since, as above, I am cheap, and I check once or twice a day. Not obsessive for me at all. I get a little upset when a given day's readership is down. And I get a little upset when my only referrals are from Blogger's "Next Blog" link. I post elsewhere with my URL, but not specifically to increase readership. I only comment when I have something useful to say.

Speaking of posting, is there something you would like to post about but don't, and why not?
I don't, in general, post a great deal about politics. I may indicate my preference via a news story link, but I usually feel so inarticulate when it comes to politics that I avoid that. I try not to use proper names and such because I don't want to create problems with my job. I could post more about my job and work, but I don't because that might spoil my pseudo-anonymity, but also because usually my thoughts on my job are fleeting—one minute, I'm miserable and the next I'm swelled with pride over a project. I try to make sure my posts are genuine thoughts, not emotion-influenced rantings.

What is the strangest web search that led to your blog?
Well, on my personal blog, someone got there by searching for "thom filica"—I had posted a humorous quote from Queer Eye. Not many searches lead here, and those that do are usually things like "conditional logic unless." Dull dull dull.

Explain your blogroll. How did you choose which blogs to put there, and how do you use your blogroll? How often is it updated?
My blogroll started out as the blogs I visited myself. Now that I am using an aggregator, I think I can be a little more discerning. But I haven't yet started to tweak it, since I'm still trying to decide what criteria will get someone on the roll. I don't update it often at all. That may change someday, but for now, Blogger isn't terribly friendly about quick-and-dirty updates like that. So I update only when I find a blog I really want to advertize. Oh, and often, I'll do linkbacks for people who've linked me. I like doing that, at least for now, while I'm a fledgling. It's polite and a nice "thank you."

Do many of your readers know you in "real life"? In other words, is your blog read by your friends, classmates, professors, co-workers? Do they even know you blog? Would your blog be different if all those people read the blog, and if so, how?
Most of my readers probably don't know me. A small contingent do—mostly folks I took a writing class with. I think, though, that anyone stumbling upon my blog who knew me in real life would not be surprised at any of the content. Oddly, the one person who doesn't read any of my blogs is my husband. Someday I may be ready to give him the address, but for now, it's sort of my special place.

What do you think is the future of blogging? Will blogs look the same in five or ten years? What long-term effects do you think blogs will have on other media? What effects will other media have on blogs (for example, will Big Media co-opt blogs)?
I don't know what will happen to blogs in the future. I'd like to think they'll stay sort of independent, but I think that's unlikely. Blogs sort of remind me of the "personal website" trend. For a while, lots of people had personal websites, with pictures or information, or just links. Now, personal websites are sort of dorky. Blogs are the thing to have. I imagine that new technologies will come along that will make blogs look crude and clunky. And blogs as they are now will become more sophisticated, and BigMedia will definitely take more notice. News sites will become more bloggish and less like electronic versions of a newspaper. That would be cool.

Do you see yourself blogging in one year? five years? ten years?
I do see myself blogging for a least a few more years. I'd like to blog through law school and then see what happens. A lot will depend on how invested I am in the writing I'm doing on my blog. If I feel that my purpose has faded, my blog may go away. After all, the boringest blogs are those without any direction. No one wants to read a daily recountinng of my trips to the grocery or the library—unless those posts develop some point that I'm trying to make. When my blog stops having a point, I'll probably get rid of it.

Yeeeee-owwww-zaaaa!!!

Oh goodnesss gracious me-oh-my...I just finished typing up my mental outline for my "new" personal statement. This one is SO MUCH BETTER than everything else I've written down so far. I cut the negativity and removed the "identity crisis" theme. I introduced a bit of my slightly odd upbringing, my quirky, artistic tendencies, and really punched up my deep, overwhelming need to write all the damn time.

Yes indeedy, my confidence has been boosted by about 200 percent. You see, not only did my words come out cleanly and clearly and with a definite focus and direction, but I also did an LSAT games section tonight, properly timed at 35 minutes only, and I got 16 out of 24 correct. In fact, I finished all but three questions. This means that I only missed five questions out of stupidity. Those are numbers I can deal with, particularly when you consider those numbers are about the same as my numbers taking 40 minutes to do a section. I. e., I've reduced my time but not reduced my performance. Now I can focus on speeding up and getting some of those trickier missed inferences.

Oh, and I ROCKED the grouping game on that particular section. Obviously, the study I've been doing on conditional logic is having a positive impact.

::::::big sigh::::::

I feel so much better. Life is good. Law school is on the horizon. All is well.

You know the lawyers have gone too far when...

...they try to sue a restaurant critic.

In the end, if the critic thought the ravioli contained gorgonzola, and the dish in fact did not, the oops is on her. All she did was out herself as a hack. Lawsuits are hardly necessary. The big chef-man should chuckle at her ignorance and go back to his saucier.

Working

I'm beginning a new draft of a personal statement. I hope this one works. I have it outlined in my head, and as I think through the various parts, I wonder if I'm focusing too much on this thing or that thing. I need to get it on paper before I can say for sure.

Meanwhile, LSAT study is sloooooow going. As in, I haven't been doing much. I feel like a bit of a slacker over here; I'll browse through the posts on Law School Discussion and wonder how I got so lazy! Some of those people have already finished filling out their applications!

Some of those people, too, are pretty unkind to the uncertain stranger. With every visit, I find my head shaking in disbelief. There are the mean people, who beat low-scorers into deep self-doubt: "You will NEVER get into ANY law school with a 149 on the LSAT!" There are the self-righteous: "If you want to raise your score from a 155 to a 165, you have to completely abandon your social life. I, personally, am studying six hours a day. I can't imagine doing any less, and if you're not doing that much, you won't do well." And there are the judgmental: "I'd maybe consider the University of Chicago, but it's in a shit hole neighborhood, and that just rules it out for me. I mean, it's a good school, but I wouldn't go there."

I don't want to be unfair—there is quite a lot of good advice on the boards, and there are many regular posters who are supportive and kind and encourage newbies. But, like every other message board, there are those who run wild under the cloak of anonymity. Hiding behind their avatars, they troll madly, flame wildly, and likely discourage some people from returning. And that's the true shame. Deciding to go to law school and actually undergoing the process is tough enough. No one who's pre-law needs extra negativity.

here's the real angst

I find myself this week really wondering if I've made the right decision, about going to law school.

I can't really imagine moving next year and trying to find a job in my industry. I'm pretty sure I'd be miserable if I tried that—in the private sector, I'd end up a drone at the bottom of the totem pole, and certainly much more unhappy with my job than I am now.

But I am questioning my motives. What makes law school more right for me than anything else? My friendly editing professor (who, in full disclosure, tries to convince every prospective law student to do something else if they can) thinks I should investigate the field of corporate communication, or institutional training. I'm dubious.

I like "teaching"—in the sense that I like helping people develop the skills they already have, primarily in writing. But I don't like dealing with unmotivated people, or people who just plain act stupid. You know the ones—they don't listen, refuse to read directions, and expect everything to be explained to them, if not actually completed for them. Those people are the reason I got out of retail and customer service. It drives me crazy dealing with people who feel they are entitled to waste my time just because I'm in the service position and they're the "customer."

So corporate comm seems like a ticket to looneyville for me. I'd go nuts within a year, I guarantee.

But why would I not go nuts as a lawyer? I mean, law is a service industry—despite what many people say or think. I'll be dealing with those same obstinate, "entitled" people, except, as a lawyer, they'll be my clients and I'll be forced to treat them nicely and I won't have the option of throwing them out of my office. (I've done that a few times, when I was being sassed by someone who didn't know what they were talking about. I'm not normally an aggressive or intemperate person, but something about those kinds of people just drives me bananas.)

Back to the discussion at hand. Now I'm really having to ask myself why law sounded so attractive all of a sudden earlier this summer. What did I see then that I can't grasp now?

I'd love to hear from people who had this same sort of unsureness—cold feet, if you will—after deciding on law school. Please, for my benefit, don't tell me you "always knew" you wanted to be a lawyer. That won't help me, since until a few months ago, I was pretty sure law was an unsavory profession.

[NB: Maybe that last sentence has something to do with my problem. Deep down inside I am still sort of convinced that most lawyers are in it for the money, out to screw their opponent, and totally amoral.]

aggregation

I finally found it.

I've been digging around the last few weeks for a news aggregator that I liked. I thought I wanted a desktop application, but the ones I tried were difficult to use and not usually free. I thought about a web-based one, but I hadn't seen a good one.

And then I found bloglines. Ooooh, I love it. Really. Seriously. Honestly. LOVE IT. Now, instead of randomly checking my blogroll every day, throughout the day, hoping someone has updated, I just check the notifier on my Dock. It shows me how many new posts are up in a pretty red oval, just like Mail. Happy me.

Oddly, I just found bloglines yesterday, and I found it on my own, via a Google search. After I'd set up my subscriptions, I read this advice on blogging by Scheherazade; and then another post on blogrolls by Slithery D.

I kind of wish I'd read either of these posts a few weeks ago, when I was pulling out my hair in frustration while trying to find a good aggregator. Meh.

Use an aggregator. It will make your life easier, I promise.

divine angst

Legal Hardball: Play ball? Lawyers would rather settle.

Why is this not surprising?

(NB: If you don't regularly read the Opinion Journal, you might have to give them an email address to read the article. You don't, however, have to create a password.)

coolest thing ever

UT Austin has just announced the Emerging Scholars Program, which sounds like the plummest opportunity a wanna-be legal scholar could hope for: $30K a semester to teach one course while working otherwise on "personaly scholarly projects." Three or four semesters of this, and then you go into the academic job market.

In other words, please come to UT Austin and teach a course a semester. When you're not in class, we'll pay you to work on whatever you're working on right now, so you can get it published and then get a job, probably somewhere else.

Wow. I wonder how hard it would be to come back to Austin after three years away at law school? I wonder if the husband would be willing to do that?

by the by

Blogger seems to want to give me another Gmail account, even though I've already gotten a Gmail account via Blogger.

So on that note, I have a few Gmail invitations crying out for recipients. If you'd like to experience the marvels of 1G of storage and a relatively new concept in message storing and retrieval, give me a comment. Make sure you include your email address and I'll invite you to join.

If you're one of those people who avoids Gmail because it's too creepy, consider this.

Also remember that there are alternatives to web-based email. I myself have three POP accounts, and many more webmail accounts. It's a little compartmentalized, but it means important work-related email doesn't end up lost in the middle of message-board notifications and sale notices from a few of my favorite online shopping sites. Gmail is just one of many ways to keep my personal, private email personal and private without robbing me of the ability to register for just about any online site I want to.

Getting better...

Took another practice LSAT this weekend, fully timed with a "bonus" section for stamina purposes.

I must be getting better, because I got 16 games questions right, compared to 7 and 11 on previous timed tests. I would have gotten more, but I spent way too much time on a grouping game (those get me every time) and didn't have time to finish the last game. The benefit is that I now know that grouping games are, in fact, my games bane. I'll be reviewing the LG Bible for help on those this week. And I'll be reviewing conditional logic, since that's what seems to really trip me up. Blargh.

One final note: If I were to score on the actual LSAT as I did on this last practice test, I would be happy. Not ecstatic—my top-choice schools would still definitely be reaches—but I'd be happy. If, however, I could raise my score by, say, three points, I'd be overjoyed.

Finally, I know a woman who scored a 170 on the LSAT and once she did, she "knew" she'd get into Harvard. How? From everything I can tell, even a 4.0 and a 170 isn't a lock for any of the top three schools. :::head shaking:::

new

I've just added Stay of Execution to my blogroll. Most of my blogroll links out to other pre-law and law students, but since I've got Anonymous Lawyer on there, I thought I could add an alternative opinion.

One of the reasons I like Stay of Execution is that I think she is the sort of lawyer I'd like to be. Her posts are not uniformly about being a lawyer; she obviously has other interests besides her job (or looking for a job, or enjoying a summer hiatus, as it were); and she thinks. I fear the law I read about on Anonymous Lawyer. Particularly one of his more recent posts. Is it unrealistic to expect that young law students who are unsure about what they'll want to do professionaly might clerk in a BigLaw firm just to see what it's about, without automatically accepting end-of-summer offers? I expect a lot of them accept the offers because the money is so damn good. And that is sad.

I've been talking a lot about why I want to be lawyer, particularly in reference to writing my personal statement. One thing I can say, without equivocation, is that the money has very little to do with it. I currently work for a large, public institution, and I know that someone with my job in the private sector could easily be making 30% more than I do. I work where I work because, in some ways, it is rewarding, not because I want to make a lot of cash. ("In some ways rewarding" because I am obviously looking for something more, else I wouldn't be planning to go to law school.)

Financial stability is important, if only so you can provide for your children and not starve. But I wore shoes from Payless and clothes from Marshall's when I was a kid, and, while I wasn't the best-dressed kid at my school, I was never naked and barefoot. I never went hungry.

I hope that when I am a law student, and preparing to be a practicing lawyer, I have the courage to seek out jobs where my values are appreciated. I have a suspicion that many law students are swayed by the prospect of six-figure salaries right out of school, the work environment be damned.

I guess I have enough work experience to know that where you work is at least as important as how much you are paid. And, at least for me, I know that six-figures will not be enough to convince me to work ungodly hours away from my family. Nor will it be enough to allow myself to be treated badly or taken advantage of. That said, I wouldn't turn my back on a firm where I am valued and respected and treated fairly just because of the reputation of BigLaw.

What the hell is a personal statement, anyway?

Slithery D writes this in reference to an earlier post of mine.

I admit, based on what I wrote, D's analysis is spot on. He says:

"I've never been an admissions officer, but I seem to recall they want a picture of you as a person. They know you want to go to law school. They know that many people who get in find they made a mistake. I don't think they worry too much about prescriptively fixing this problem for you. Instead, they want an "interesting" or "diverse" class."

My personal statement that my personal god of editing shredded, though, did none of these things. All it did was talk about how unsatisfied I am with my current career. And then, there was a little blurb at the end about how law sounded perfect for me. Ooooh, she'll make a great lawyer! In reality, I was making excuses for myself, complaining about my life, and stating that I needed a change. Why law should be that change wasn't really clear. As my editing god said, "This sounds like you just need a better job—why would a law prof on the admissions committee think you were particularly suited for law instead of, say, for an editorial job at a magazine?"

Good point.

So, when I said, "Admissions committees just want to know why I will make a good lawyer—and why I'll do so now," I didn't mean that I'm planning an opus on how passionate I am about justice and public service and fixing the wrongs of our evil world, and how that will make me a damn fine attorney. I meant, instead, that my statement needs to focus on me and what it is about me that will make me a good lawyer. Being unhappy with my job does not particularly suit me for any one profession.

What does suit me for law? Well—yes, it's trite, and talking about it is embarrassing—I really enjoy working for more than the bottom line.

I like the idea of having a vocation that actually, somehow, matters. I talked about this in my earlier post—law makes a difference. Even BIGLAW lawyers are making a difference. You know, my current career is in a visual medium, and I can make a difference by choosing who and what I work for. But my career in itself does not provide any guarantee of making the world a better place. Only, perhaps, a better-looking place. Face it—everything we do is touched by law, which makes lawyers the plastic surgeons of society. Some are there for purely cosmetic procedures; others repair congenital defects; still others come in behind the big blowups and try to make scars and wounds less noticeable and less painful. Some move around and do a little of everything. But they all touch the law, change it, alter it, modify it, and that affects our future.

But I digress. Why will I make a good lawyer? My profile says I want to teach—and that means I want to publish—and that's important, because I really enjoy getting down into the nitty gritty of an issue or subject or even the use of a particular word and figuring out what's wrong with it, right with it, how it matters, and what can be done to make it better. Then I like to tell people about it. I also like to argue. I like to tell people they're wrong and then explain why. I hate being wrong, but when I am, I will admit it—grudgingly. Still, being wrong won't stop me from trying to figure out why the other person isn't right.

I like to read and write, but I don't write fiction. I couldn't write a short story for a million dollars—at least, not a good one. I pen the occasional poem, but those are usually wretched, too. I love to edit. I can't even say how gratifying I find the entire process of picking apart someone's work and putting it back together so they can make it better, more precise, more clear, more real. If you're pre-law, or in law, I hope you understand.

I've never been a huge fan of lawyers—the kind that advertize on the back of phone books or during daytime television. But I deeply admire the lawyers who work for something they believe in. The process of developing a key case, in the hopes of affecting major change, is fascinating to me. I'm thinking right now of Mary Bonauto and GLAD (and, for that matter, LAMBDA Legal Defense) who worked very hard for over a decade, choosing the right time and place to bring a critical case to trial in order to win a favorable decision. This is the kind of law I'd want to be involved in, the kind of law I hope I can be involved in.

The kicker is that I have to tell the admissions committee about all those things that will make me a good lawyer without being boring. Because D is right—there's the safe-and-boring brand of personal statement, and there's the get-me-noticed-and-admitted brand. I'm a big fan of the latter. I just have to write the damn thing.

Study

This week, I seem to have lost the will to study. I had to give myself some time off last weekend, considering I was drugged to the hilt and couldn't think straight, but my mind somehow hasn't grasped that the vacation is over. I'm having trouble getting motivated.

Meanwhile, I've discovered that I do best with games when I've "warmed up" a bit. I bought Kaplan LSAT 180 and I'm getting through the games, just not quickly. I am enjoying them, though—which has to be a good sign. And when I've done two or three, I feel nicely prepared to tackle more.

So, perhaps I'll need to get up super-early the morning of the LSAT and do a couple of brainteasers and games just to get my gray matter moving. I hate getting up early.

I find this incredibly ironic

You're The Mists of Avalon!

by Marion Zimmer Bradley

You're obsessed with Camelot in all its forms, from Arthurian legend to the Kennedy administration. Your favorite movie from childhood was "The Sword in the Stone". But more than tales of wizardry and Cuban missiles, you've focused on women. You know that they truly hold all the power. You always wished you could meet Jackie Kennedy.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Someone with Something to say about Style

I think style is one of the most nebulous factors of anyone's writing. It's difficult to pin down, harder to articulate, and nearly impossible to teach. But all good writers unquestionably display a distinct style. Here's a discussion of style that seems to capture some of the elusiveness of it.

[Style] emerges when writers are comfortable and proficient with their tools. Style is expressed unconsciously, but shaped consciously, in revision. It is a whispering, not a shouting voice; whether readers discern it depends on their familiarity with the writer and their own skill as readers. The writer himself or herself is aware of it; identifying, developing, and shaping it is one of the main pleasures of the craft.

If you are interested in style, Strunk and White should be on your shelf. But so, too, should be Writing with Style. Yagoda doesn't mention it, but he should have.

Another personal statement shredded

....but at least this time, he said that if the particular piece of writing I shared today did nothing else, it proved at least that I can really write. That's good to know—I just can't write an effective personal statement.

Never fear, though, I have plenty of time, and am really only on draft number two. Well, now I'm on draft number three, since draft number two is garbage. Or at least, not personal-statement-worthy writing.

A big part of my problem in writing a statement is that I still feel that I need to explain myself. I'm still mentally excusing myself for the last five years spent "finding myself" when, in reality, I don't need to say anything at all about them. OK, perhaps I need to acknowledge them, but I don't need to take more than fifty to one hundred words to detail my disillusionment with what I thought was my chosen career, right? Admissions committees just want to know why I will make a good lawyer—and why I'll do so now.

So, the five years I've been out of school are of no importance except as a learning experience. I don't need to make excuses for the jobs I've held. (Although, I might want to make the titles sounds nicer; it sort of stinks when you work for an employer that considers anyone without several technical certifications to be an "administrative associate." Seriously. There are pretty much no other titles, even if you do nothing remotely "administrative.")

What I do need to talk about is why, in particular, law. After all, if I were just bored with my current job, I could take some community college courses and try and do something else. (I've done that before, why not again?) And if I just want to get an advanced degree, why a law degree? Surely there are other graduate programs that would be satisfying, right?

But deep down inside me, I really feel drawn to law. I don't think I'd be fulfilled in an MFA Writing program; I'm almost positive the people in any theatre graduate program would drive me batty. I don't want to have to learn any languages or take any remedial undergraduate coursework—I want to move forward and learn new things, rather than looking backwards or sideways and playing catch-up.

Why law? I keep coming back to this question, and I think I'm finally starting to articulate it with some success.

Thusly, my reasons for law are twofold:

1. Learning the law, legal practice, and legal scholarship all serve the greater good. Yes, yes, there are slick, shady lawyers who are only out to make the money, but law, as a discipline, inherently serves the public. You can serve the public by being someone's attorney and writing out contracts, wills, estates, and other defining documents; you can serve the public by representing an accused person; you can represent the public by prosecuting criminals. You can serve the public by simply practicing law and helping society to refine the fabric of our lives. (I don't mean cotton, of course.) So, I am drawn to law because I like that it is a discipline that actually matters—it has an effect on everyone.


2. The study of law, and law as a discipline, is intellectual. It requires a brain. You need to be able to read critically, write clearly, edit precisely, and argue effectively. While I am sure there are law practices where you really can just phone it in, I suspect most lawyers do a lot of learning for the rest of their lives. (I know for a fact that most must complete continuing legal education classes yearly.) To be a good lawyer, you really should possess a mature intellect, and be interested in continuing to expand your knowledge. Law is a constant education, and requires a willingness to constantly be educated.

So. There are my reasons for law. On to the personal statement.

taking care of things now

I had my wisdom teeth out today. I had an eye exam last week. I am fully prepared to have any other major medical and dental work needed done within the next twelve months while I still have good insurance. My medical insurance is so good that they covered my wisdom teeth, since they were "complete bony impactions." This rocks. Unfortunately, I had to get a special referral for it, so I have to wait for a reimbursement for at least a portion of the cost from the oral surgeon, once his office submits the claim. Hopefully it will be quick.

Meanwhile, my husband has discovered a really excellent grad program for him in Boston. I planned to apply to Harvard anyway, just for a lark, but now I'll probably consider BU, BC, and Northeastern as a sort-of safety, also. Likewise, NC State seems to have a good program for him, so add UNC and Duke to that list. The Research Triangle could be a good location, since my in-laws are there, and we could have lots of good, free meals, as well as the possibility of child care at some point. Husband isn't so jazzed about the Triangle for that very reason—his parents moved there, and since then, his brother and his wife have also. Husband seems to think moving there would be a sort of capitulation. It confuses me sometimes, but I'm pretty willing to go anywhere as long as there's a good law school nearby, so I don't let it get to me.

My list of eight has now grown to thirteen. I'm going to have to wait to decide on some of these until I get my LSAT back and can see if I qualify for any fee waivers. I'm not sure I can afford to apply out of pocket to thirteen law schools. I'm also not sure that applying to thirteen isn't bad luck, which means I might need to add another just to get a better total. (After all, fourteen is twice seven, and seven is a very mystical number, as well as being a prime. Just go read the Bible if you don't believe the first assertion. Seven is HUGE in Revelation. And we all remember that movie, Se7en. Creepy.)

sometimes i get ahead of myself

For instance, the whole discussion below about children in law school. After all, it's a bit premature to consider what will happen when I'm in law school when I am not yet accepted anywhere. I think where I get accepted will have as much influence on what decision is made on that front as my biological clock will. (Ref. the discussion of commuting issues. If either I or my husband has to commute a great distance because our campuses are not close, kids may not happen when I want them to.)

Anyway, this post was supposed to be about how excited I am getting about the prospect of not only being in school, but also how excited I am that I discovered law. "Discovered"—like I made it up or something. What I mean is that in all of my searching for something that I 'd really enjoy as a profession, I can't help but wonder how I missed law all along.

One of my majors in college was religion, and probably my absolute favorite class was Philosophy of Religion. Now, this had at least something to do with my prof—we were all pretty sure he grew pot in his backyard, and he had a side business weaving shawls and throws and other pieces of fabric (lovely, actually). He used to sit in the lotus position on the table at the front of the classroom. He was a trip—and also completely brilliant, of course.

The real reason I loved that class, though, was because it was such a marvelous mental exercise. I never really enjoyed pure philosophy but, then, I never really had a good prof. Maybe I would have been a great philosopher. There's something sort of thrilling about reading something and then letting your mind take it on an imaginative tangent, searching for deeper meanings. This is also why I really enjoy Jewish parables—same deal. (I also really like the concept that, in Judaism, arguing with God is almost a mandate. That's the kind of God I can get behind.)

Anyway, the more I delve into "law" as a subject of study, as well as the process of law, the study of law, the writing of law, the more excited I get. And that's as clear a sign to me as any that this is the path for me. It's nice, after two years of experiencing a growing anomie, to finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. It's also even more thrilling to realize it's not all that odd for me to be attracted to law—it actually makes a lot of sense. If only I'd known what the study of law was all about before my mid-to-late twenties.

"What good are lawyers if they can't jump through hoops for you?"

—tonight's Smallville rereun

addendum

With all my questions about having kids in law school, it seems I forgot that my own (single) mother not only worked full time while raising my brother and I, but also completed bachelor's and master's degrees. It only took her an extra two or so years than if she'd gone daytime and not worked, which means she never took fewer than 9 hours a semester. And you know what? I never felt neglected. I respect my mother so much for doing what was important and necessary for her happiness, rather than doing what was easy.

So I've been reading lots of discussion boards where non-parents talk about how impossible it must be to have a child while in school, and how anyone who considers it is nuts. There's a sort of blanket denial that having kids while in school is possible, or desireable. When I come across these opinions (and I mean the obstinate, "no way" ones, not the reasonable, "consider the implications" ones) I try to remember my mom and how strong she was. And then I remind myself that there will never be a "right time" to have kids. After all, if we try now, for instance, we'll have a newborn when we start and my 1L year will go down the toilet; if we try while we're in school, well, we'll be in school; if we try after we're both out, we'll have to deal with the implications to my career. None of these options sound great!

I think the reason the middle option seems most desirable is that, at least while we're in school, we'll have more "flexible" time than when we are working. Our scheduled time will be minimal—classtime, essentially. The rest of the day is flexible—we can fit study time into slots between childcare and family time, meals, naps, and errands. We can schedule our classes to be offset, so one of us is always home. Not only will we not have to put our child in daycare as an infant, but also we'll both get to really dive into being new parents. I don't want to be the only parent that experiences all the baby firsts—I want my husband to have that, too.

The woman I had lunch with yesterday had her child right before finals, first semester of 3L. She found out early enough that she took a full course load that summer and only had a few credits to complete in her final semester. She said she felt almost like a stay-at-home mom at times. And then she encouraged me not to close the door on starting a family while in school. It can be done.

I know there are lots of other law students who are or have been in this situation—Harvard even has a student organization for parents and would-be parents. So I want to hear from more people who have done it or know people who have done it, and how it affected their grades and personal life.

starting a family

One of my big concerns about going to law school involves children. I'll admit it, my biological clock is ticking. I've never really thought of myself as the kind of person to be a stay-at-home mom, but I do want kids. And I'd honestly rather have them sooner than later.

So my hairbrained law school urge sort of throws a big monkey wrench into the whole idea of having kids. Is it wise to have a child while in law school? I can only imagine the impact on my career if I try to have a child as a first-year associate, at any firm. How long will we have put off having a family?

It's not that I mind waiting until the time is right, it's that I'm afraid of waiting too long. I'm afraid if we keep saying, "oh no, next year," that we'll look up and find ourselves approaching forty, without ever deciding to just go for it.

This is part of the reason I find transmogriflaw so interesting. And that lunch I had today? She also had a child while in law school. Obviously people are taking the plunge—but how scary it must be! I have all sorts of other questions that relate, too. For instance, I guess it's not so difficult to be a student and have a child, since your time is a little freer, but what about after school? If you don't live near family, who takes care of the children? I really hate the idea of day care—too many bad memories—but how else can both parents have careers? With student loans to pay off, how can you not work for several years? These are all the questions that plague me, even as I start to become more and more certain we'll probably start our family while we're in school.

I know there aren't any easy answers, and I know that the answers vary for each person. Still, I'm curious and interested to know what other people think, what they'd do or have done.

my anal-retentive inner overachiever

In order to satisfy that inner beast of mine, I have established a lovely Excel spreadsheet schedule of LSAT study. In doing so, I discovered that my frugal resistance to buying all three sets of previously administered LSATs is a problem. I bought two. I really need the third one to have enough tests to study.

I have exactly (from today!) two months to beat Logic Games into submission, and relearn what I thought was an innate ability to be stress-free during timed, standardized exams.

Many thanks to engilaw and janine for their criticisms of the LGBible. I have tried to ignore the timing warnings—much like I've refused to learn their handy trademarked names for game categories—but apparently some of it seeped into the gray matter. It's time to begin a course of innoculation.

This week, I begin working logic games sections, untimed. My husband will time me only to see how long it takes me to get through one without any pressure. Next week, if I feel up to it, I start working backwards towards the 35 minute mark. I plan to break the monotony of games by also reviewing logical reasoning, which I have no real problem with, but no point in not trying to increase my performance there, and reading comprehension, which I have no problem with, unless the passage is absolutely nonsensical (as was one in last weekend's test, urgh).

And I am working on my personal statement. Having lunch tomorrow with a lawyer my writing prof had as a student many years ago—he thinks we have similar sensibilities, and that I could gain much from chatting with her. Maybe I'll gain some profound insight from speaking with her. Maybe I'll just stop fretting about things so much.