done!

So this is what I've been working on for the last couple of days:

divineangst.com

a.k.a. divineangst.blawgcoop.com

You'll be automatically redirected in just a few seconds, so bookmark "http://divineangst.com." Don't forget to update your feeds!

Big thanks to blawgcoop (that's the blawg co-op) for hosting my new Movable Type blog.

oops!

I seem to have forgotten to post today!

So I give you this:

One of the things I do in my job is deal with online classes. I am currently working on a class titled Human Sexuality.

Now, I am not a prude, not one bit, but in the course of my editing, I keep having to load one particular page, on which is an assignment that involves labeling parts of the anatomy. The parts belong to the female of the human species, and they are presented from an external view. (How's that for vague? I don't need those kinds of Google searches bringing people here.)

At any rate, every time I scroll past this image—which is GIANT—I blush. How can I help it? I feel like I'm violating this poor drawing. There she is, all by herself, without even the comfort of a torso or the portion of the legs below the hips. She doesn't even really have a bottom. She's just all [blank].

God, I'm blushing now. It's awful.

aggregation or aggravation?

Fitz-Hume at BTQ has a post about aggregators. I started to reply in comments, but my reply got really long. So here it is.

I use an aggregator; it's great. It keeps my blogreading streamlined and I don't comment frivolously.

Fitz seems to like aggregators, too, but he mentions the possible drawbacks:

...a couple of other issues came to mind as I tried to imagine BTQ as a RSS-only experience. The first is that some bloggers rely on in-text links to convey humor or even information - think of them as sorta like the prop-comics of the blogosphere. However, RSS feeds do not always display in-text links....Without links let's face it - SMP? is not that great (see here for example). It's like taking away Gallagher's hammers and watermelons - it's just not funny. With links, however, SMP? kills. Kills, Jerry! Until aggregators successfully display in-text links, I think this factor will inhibit a RSS-only evolution of blogs.

The same is true for images. Feed aggregators don't display images. We don't post images as often as some people, but we post pictures often enough that our posts would suffer from a RSS-only environment. We might survive, but some blogs rely on images as heavily as others rely on in-text links. Can you imagine Go Fug Yourself without images? Neither can I.

OK, so first I want to say that some feeds show links and some don't, and that's primarily due to competing protocols for feeds. Most blogger or blogspot blogs use atom, a protocol that generally does display a more rich content, including links and images. For example, I generally have no problem seeing the images on Go Fug Yourself via Bloglines—likely because Heather and Jessica are using Blogger with a default atom feed.

No, I think the bigger issue with RSS feeds and aggregators isn't what content is viewable—the protocols will start coverging rapidly and they'll all be about the same soon—it's what actual content is available on a feed.

Some bloggers choose not to include entire posts in their feed. This can have the effect of drawing a reader to the actual site (thereby increasing page views) but only if—and this is a big if—the title or the blurb that is available is sufficiently interesting. As a reader, though, sometimes I'm not hooked enough to visit—and maybe I miss out on something interesting. Some of the blogs I read truncate in their feeds and I'm torn on whether or not I care for it. Quite frankly, it can be highly annoying if I'm short on time and don't want to click through to read the rest of the post. Of course, if the tag is good, it serves the purpose of keeping me from wasting time on a post I'm not interested in. Unfortunately, that's not always the case.

Conversely, the teaser model makes sense for news sites—they operate on ad revenue, and news content isn't always appropriate for an aggregator. I'm thinking particularly of The New York Times Magazine—often the articles in the Magazine are so lengthy that reading them in an aggregator would be more difficult, rather than less. Also, I think (for the most part) journalists are used to writing to the headline-reader: lots of people won't bother picking up a paper at 40¢ unless the headline catches their eye. That's not to say every headline in the NYT is great—they're not—but at least they are informative and I know what I'll be getting if I click through. And I don't spend so much time clicking around news sites to see where the good stories are.

Look, I used to spend hours each day, interrupting my workflow to click through my blogroll and visit all my news bookmarks, hoping for new content. It was a major time suck. I won't say my aggregator keeps me from wasting time reading blogs—God knows it doesn't!—but it keeps me from idly wasting my time. I know when there's new stuff for me to read and I can read it at my leisure.

the circle of school

Classes have started again for Mr. Angst—he's taking some math classes that are prereqs for graduate school—which means two nights a week I am left to my own devices. Much the same as last semester.

I'll repeat it—I think it's great that he's taking classes and working full time and doing well (all A's so far). But I miss our regular schedule. I miss knowing that he'll be home for dinner; I miss menu planning for two people. It's a bad spiral, because now I'll start eating out, eating junk, or just not eating. That's bad for my health.

And I'll also end up sitting on the couch like a complete waste, just waiting for him to get home so I can have someone to talk to.

Wow. This post makes me sound like a totally pathetic loser! I'm not—I promise! I've just gotten used to life with Mr. Angst. I guess last semester should have prepared me, but it didn't. (It doesn't help that, the entire semester, I sat around thinking, But there are only x more weeks of school, and then things will be back to normal! Hah!)

At any rate, if anyone has suggestions of things I can do to keep busy—that don't include cleaning house—I'm all ears. I have some books to read, but when I read at home, sometimes I get distracted by the computer, the TV, or the refrigerator.

hey now!

I have evolved. I am now a Slithering Reptile.

Mr. Angst won't like that—he hates snakes.

I'm working on some bloggy-type stuff, so posting may be light this week while I figure a few things out.

Until then, anything you want me to tell you about? I guess this is my own version of an all-request week.

bad dates ≠ dating is bad

Stag has this post about a recent bad date she went on.

Now, I'm married, and Mr. Angst and I have been a couple for almost five years, so I haven't had to date in a while. And reading stag's story, I'm glad I haven't had to date. I remember the dread in my stomach when I'd go on a date with someone. I always hoped he would be compatible with me, interesting, fun, and funny; but I always knew there would be something wrong with him. (And there always was something wrong with him until my first date with Mr. Angst. Seriously—that date was about as perfect as a first date can get.)

So I don't envy stag her bad dates because I wish I were still dating.

I do, though, feel a tiny bit of jealousy. And it has to do with meeting new people.

Look, I admit it, dating sucks, but dating is also a way to get out and meet people, people you might become friends with even if you don't match up romantically. (This has never happened to me, because the people I went on dates with before Mr. Angst were all profoundly unlikeable people; this has, however, happened to my best friend—a lot.)

There's something so nice about the possibility of meeting someone in a class or at the gym or even (though not as nice) at a bar and then striking up an actual friendship that extends beyond the original common ground. But for some reason, the people you meet in class, at the gym, or in bars don't want to strike up friendships with you when you're married. They just want to date, and married people are pretty much off-limits. (Again, I am generalizing; I took a class where almost everyone in it became good friends, but that was an unusual situation and a quite rare result. I'm also generalizing about married people being off-limits; there are some people who don't seem to mind that situation, but for the sake of argument...)

This sounds really stupid and petulant, and it's probably at least a little erroneous, but I miss the spontaneity of going on dates with people I haven't gotten to know yet. It's exciting, it's new, it has so much promise for what might happen. It's sort of like when people say they're afraid to get married because they'll never have another first kiss, and they'll miss the rush of kissing someone for the first time. I don't feel that way—married kisses are awesome—but I understand the feeling.

And I kind of feel the same way about dates. I don't want to date anymore, but I kind of miss the excitement of meeting new people that way. Once you're married, there's not really a corollary way of making new friendships.

Oh, and of having good stories to tell about how awful the date was.

funny story...

See this? The Reno-Tahoe area has received 19 feet of snow at higher (+7000 feet) elevations and up to 6-1/2 feet at lower elevations since December 28.

My dad was caught in some of that early snow. See, it all started when he went out there for a few days of R&R before the Rose Bowl. He was leaving from Reno on New Year's Eve, but staying in Tahoe.

Now, if you know anything about the Lake Tahoe area, you'll know that the only commercial airport that serves it is in Reno, and Reno is a bit of a haul away from Tahoe—particularly South Lake Tahoe.

Back to our protagonist. Smart man that he is, seeing that four feet of snow has fallen on the 30th, he changes his 6:00 am flight to 10:30 am. He orders a cab for 6:00 am, goes to sleep, and figures he'll get woken up by the snowplows when they come by at 5:15 am, as they have all week.

But the snowplows do not come. (He does, however, wake up.) He hopes they'll come and passes the time shoveling the stairs down to the road. It takes him 45 minutes to clear a path down the stairs that is approximately 1-1/2" wide. The snowplows still have not come.

At 6:00 am the cabbie calls and says he can't get up the road to where my dad is staying. That road is covered in four feet of snow. So my dad—remember, he's smart!—puts on his heavy coat, then his waterproof ski shell, and his snow boots. He somehow leaves his gloves behind. He throws his carry-on over one shoulder and his hanging bag over the other, and starts walking. Through chest high snow. For about a third of a mile.

It is, by the way, still snowing. About 200 feet out, he stops and looks back and cannot see his tracks. He can't even really see the house. So he keeps going. He makes it another few hundred feet and is pretty sure he's going to die. His chest is pounding. He's breathing in snow. HE IS NOT WEARING GLOVES.

It takes him another 45 minutes to get down to the road where the cabbie is. (What a great cabbie, waiting for him!) He is soaked and he cannot feel his hands. The cab drops him off at one of the casinos so he can catch a shuttle to the airport.

He's soaked, remember, so he treks to a bathroom, where they are mopping the floors. He asks the cleaning guy to hold off a few minutes mopping so he can change clothes, but the guy doesn't listen. My dad stands on his wet jeans—hey, they were wet already—and does the clothes-changing dance. He wrings out his heavy wool socks, which appear to have been dunked in Lake Tahoe (average water temp: 50˚). At the front desk, he asks for three laundry bags, into which go his wet jeans and shirt, his sodden socks and boots, and his dripping coat. He checks them with the bellhop for the weekend and scurries out to the shuttle deck.

Then he waits. The shuttle is almost an hour late, so he gets to the airport a scant 30 minutes before his flight. Then his flight is delayed another 45 minutes. He is shaking and coughing—and still can't feel his right thumb—but he makes it to LA.

Why, you ask, would he do this? I asked the same thing. The answer? "I had everyone's tickets to the football game—all eight of them—and they'd have missed the Rose Bowl if I hadn't made it." Was it worth it? "Oh, yeah. The game was great! And I got the feeling back in my thumb later that night. Of course, I was coughing up snow for three days. And sort of shaky all weekend. But the game was great!"

The moral of the story is: always wear your gloves. Also: don't be stupid and walk out into record snowfall in the cold, dark, early morning. Especially if that record snowfall is chest high. Even if you have eight tickets to the Rose Bowl in your pocket. In the grand scheme of things, it's just a football game.

further evidence of my bad taste in movies

Last week it was Volcano, tonight it's Twister.

I admit it, I watch all the Discovery Channel shows about tornados and earthquakes and volcanic eruptions. These movies are just an extension of that interest, I guess. And it's not like I think they're good movies or anything. I am fully aware of their badness. But they are, in fact, craptastic—total garbage, but completely watchable garbage.

Think poorly of me now. I know you will.

geeking out

Yesterday, Mr. Angst and I finally celebrated Christmas with my dad. Yes, yes, very belated, but also very enjoyable. (My stepmother makes a wicked tenderloin....so yum.)

Amongst the tchotchkes I received were a few gifts I was thrilled to get: a stovetop espresso maker, some capuccino mugs, and two books I've been hoping someone would buy for me: Garner's Modern American Usage and A Dictionary of Modern Legal Usage (also by Garner). (I received earlier The Elements of Legal Style, a third book by Garner. Yeah, I have a bit of an obsession, but the man is a genius at this stuff. He also edits Black's Law Dictionary.)

I was so thrilled to get these books that I immediately opened up one and started perusing. My stepmother, who bought them based on my Amazon.com wishlist, had no idea what kind of books they were and asked why I wanted them, and what value they had.

So I started talking about the differences in usage between British and American English, the misuses of over-complex constructions, and finally flipped to an entry to make my point. I started reading from "toward/towards."

Mr. Angst burst out laughing.

Apparently, I was geeking out. I looked up to see that my stepmother's eyes were sort of glazed over. I also noted that my father had tuned out completely and was inspecting the golf range finder we'd bought him.

Um. OK. I closed the books, put them down, and smoothed over my geek attack by mumbling, "Well, they're just really good reference books, since I do so much editing at work, and I'll be doing so much writing next year..." I think I did a pretty good job of redeeming my cool factor to the 'rents. We had coffee, talked about playoff football and I managed to pass myself off for the rest of the night as a relatively normal human being.

But tonight, at home with Mr. Angst, I feel no need to hide my wordlove. I hauled out my prizes and promptly began reading the prefaces. Hey—everyone has a vice. This one is mine.

The question is, can these books count toward the 50 Book Challenge?

holy crap

I've never been so glad to have stopped watching 24 as when I saw that the season premiere is going to be four hours, on two nights. Excessive, much?

all the little details

Now that I have officially been accepted to law schools in both of our target cities, I am starting to think about the details: housing, transportation, buying a new laptop.

Because I'm a total geek, the laptop question is the one I'm really spending time thinking about. It's very exciting for me to contemplate getting a new computer. My current machine is about five years old and, while it runs fine, it's slow, a bit temperamental when I ask too much of it, the battery is shot, and it's damn heavy.

It's also a Mac.

I would like to stay with a Mac in law school. Mr. Angst is a PC person and I believe I'll always have access to his laptop for exams. But for class, the library, research, note-taking, and any other task that will benefit from utter familiarity with my computer, I'd prefer a Mac.

So I have a question for all of you current students. Do you use a machine that was not "recommended" by your school (a Mac)? Do you have problems using such a machine? If you use a machine recommended by your school (a PC, probably a Dell), do many of your classmates use Macs? What things do you use your computer for, daily, that would be difficult if you had chosen a Mac? (Note that I'm not particularly worried about not having tech support from the school. I can troubleshoot myself in getting connected a network or figuring out how to print over the network.)

I am fully aware that this question is so premature it's ridiculous. But if I'm going to have to switch to a PC, I want to start getting used to the idea now, and start building up my speed on a PC. (I'm capable on a PC, but not speedy. I'm a big keyboard-shortcut person, and my lack of practice with shortcuts on a PC definitely slows me down.)

one of the better shows on TV is getting a new season

Tonight, a new season of MI-5 starts on A&E.

If you haven't watched it, you should. All day today, A&E is airing previous episodes (I love these kinds of marathons) and the new season starts at 10/9 Central.

I'll admit it, I am a sucker for the spy shows. It helps that Alias and MI-5 are also well-produced and (mostly, in the case of Alias) well-written. (I say mostly because the season premiere of Alias, while conveying what it needed to convey, was a little too expository for me and glossed over some plots that were set up last season that now will apparently be forgotten. I guess JJ Abrams just couldn't get Lena Olin back.)

So, OK, back to MI-5. It's a British show, if the title didn't give that away. The actors are talented and, wonderfully, actually resemble normal people. The main female character actually has a nice, normal figure. I LOVE that, especially after watching Jennifer Garner look like a gay man in drag sometimes.

So, if you're bored today, sitting around on the couch for a few hours, tune in and catch some of the back episodes. If you can, watch the last old episode, because it sets up this coming season with a big cliffhanger.

What am I going to do next year (or, God, this fall) when I have to study and don't have time for TV—or money for Tivo. I'll have to become good friends with my VCR and learn to accept its shoddy recordings.

cool...or is it?

Annie Liebowitz is at it again.

I have let my Vanity Fair subscription expire, so I don't have a hard copy to inspect. I'd like to know, though, how they got Jar-Jar in there; I also note that Carrie Fisher is hiding behind Harrison Ford. Lucas seems to be posing as the pater familias.

I'm actually not sure what my opinion is of this. I may hold my judgment till Episode 3 actually comes out.

OH MY GOD.

I just got into Northwestern!!!

To be honest, I didn't think I'd get in. And I did. Oh my God.

Two acceptances! Oh my good golly. I'm giddy.

MORE: I'm still sort of stunned. My numbers are pretty weak for Northwestern, and I wasn't sure my work experience would make up for my not-as-good-as-I-hoped LSAT. In fact, yesterday, I was having a daydream moment where I got into all the schools I applied to. And then I stopped wishing on a star and realized that getting into GW was a good accomplishment, and that I'd be fine going there and in fact might have no other choice because I might not get into my other top schools. My daydream moment morphed into me contemplating how I'd feel if that happened. You know what? I knew I'd be fine—I'd be enrolled in an excellent school on my way to a terrific job and career.

All of this I thought yesterday. In the time it took me to walk from the house to the mailbox.

And now I have an acceptance to a school I thought would be far beyond my reach once I got my LSAT score back in October.

I try to be an optimist, and I've been repeating to myself, over and over, If LSAC says less than x% get into this school with my numbers, well, someone has to be in that x%. Why not me? It's become a mantra of sorts: Why not me?

Today I found out. Yes, me. Me. If it doesn't get any better than this, the entire adventure will have been worth it.

not law related at all.

When someone has done something to hurt someone you love, the natural reaction is to be pissed, right? Pissed at that person, and perhaps cold, and distrustful. What, then, do you do when the person who was hurt (the person you love) tells you to be kind to the hurter, because that person is working through their own difficulties?

I am dealing with this situation in the literal, not the hypothetical, and I am not pleased about it. Frankly, I want nothing to do with the situation on the whole, but I have been asked to insert myself into it, in the hopes of helping along this person, as they work through their "issues."

(By the way, grammar purists, I am deliberately using the third-person plural to indicate gender neutrality, so don't get on my case. In fact, there is a historical case to be made for such use, but I won't get into that right now. And I refuse to use "em" which is about as contrived a usage as I can imagine.)

Returning to the topic, I can't help but wonder if the hurter acted as they did in order to push people away, and thus fulfill their deep belief that they are not worthy of love. OK, I don't wonder about this—I know, in fact, that this is the case—but it still infuriates me.

I'm being unfair this morning, of course, mostly because I am annoyed and feel put upon for being thrust into a position I am uncomfortable with. Deep down inside, of course, I know that being kind and open to this person is the right thing to do at this point. But what about the next time? And the time after that? How many times can you forgive? How long can you continue to support someone who isn't willing to do the work necessary to change behavior?

The hypotheticals are killing me this morning.

i LOVE books

I want to do this (also here, and here).

My first book: The Years of Rice and Salt.

I'm still working through it, but I'll say this: I'm about 100 pages in, and it's just getting interesting. But really, really interesting.

This challenge could be fun. We'll see how much people will enjoy hearing about my 1L reading when school starts, though.

oh boy

The car has officially rolled over to 100,000 miles. Pictures (and video!) coming soon. I am a dork.

need comments? check this out

I love this idea.

Now taking suggestions of whose blog I should harrass. Who wants to harrass my blog?

A list

1. OU got spanked by the Trojans. Go USC! OU sucks.
   
2. My car is about to roll over to 100,000 miles. I am keeping the camera in the car for the occasion.
   
3. Another car-related note: I had the air filter changed with my last oil change, and suddenly my gas goes a lot further/farther. Note to self: buy five air filters at $10 each and change them whenever you are convinced the neighbors are siphoning gas from your car.
   
4. Those little cans of Diet Coke? Cute, yes? Also slippery. Especially when trying to hold on to one as you are juggling a
   briefcase-sized purse, two sets of keys, and sunglasses when getting in the car. (Somehow this item became car related, too. Sucky.)
   
5. Cold front on the way. Hurrah!
   
6. First week back at work. Number of hours worked so far: 20. Number of hours spent in meetings: 3. Number of hours of meetings planned for this afternoon: 2. I predict 10 hours of meetings by the end of the week.

rant over

OK, after a full day of directly addressing my many fears relating to educational debt, I feel much better. Sometimes I just need to get it all off my chest, you know?

And, honestly, it's just this portion of the journey that is freaking me out. I know that once all the loan papers are signed, the money is disbursed, and I am actually living on borrowed money, I will forget all about how scary it is. I'll be a law student! Everything will be OK! Right now, though, it's looming over me—it hasn't happened yet, all that debt, and, somehow, a part of me thinks it can be avoided. (It can't. I don't have $150K floating around to pay for my education.)

So here it is, my great revelation: law school is expensive (whether rightly or not). Everyone in law school ends up with some debt. (I'm currently pretending those full scholarship plus stipend people don't exist. It helps.) I will end up with debt. Mr. Angst will also end up with debt. But at the end of the tunnel is a good job with a high salary, or a public interest job with a loan repayment assistance plan. We will survive.

So if my parents refuse to fill out the stupid forms, I'll have to take out private loans for my entire education. Oh well. S**t happens. If they do fill out the forms, I'll probably still have to take out private loans for my entire education (or at least the first year). Hey, that's life. Either way, I get a JD, and that's really the big goal.

My fatalistic streak is out in full force today.

who writes this stuff?

"It is one thing to contact the dead. You are just meddling!"

Ah, White Noise was looking mildly interesting until that teaser.

ay me

Seriously? Why am I such a sap? I'm sitting on my couch getting choked up watching Volcano. Over the holidays, I nearly cried every time that "A Diamond is Forever" commercial came on. (You know the one—he says, I'd marry you all over again, and she says, Oh, come on.... and then, Mom? Dad? And he gets down on one knee and everyone sitting on the steps gets up and claps....God, it gets me every time; I'm tearing up just writing it.)

grudging respect

I'm pleased to note that Northwestern does not require parental information for financial aid.

One out of five ain't bad. (Actually, it should be two out of six, since UT doesn't require parental information, either, being a public university. But since I probably won't be going to UT, it's almost irrelevant.)

OK, this is just not right

Not only am I expected to pay out the nose for the LSAT, the LSDAS, law school reports, law school application fees, and, of course, transcripts, but I am also now expected to pay for the financial aid service the law schools REQUIRE me to use?

The College Board charges a registration fee plus $18 for each school I want to have my financial information sent to. So, let me get this straight: I'm applying for financial aid, but to do so, I have to shell out money? Isn't that sort of ridiculous?

This crap is really starting to piss me off.

Financial Foolery

I mentioned in my last post some of my frustration with the financial aid process for law school.

Big frustration #1: Most law schools that I am applying to require my parents' income tax information as well as my own and that of my husband.

I am...well, just slightly shy of 30, how about that?...and married. My husband and I own a home. I have been completely and 100% on my own since I graduated from college. I bought my first car without parental help (except that my dad drove me to the dealership and sat with me while I argued with the salesman). I rented my first apartment without parental help. I pay my bills on my own, get into debt and pay it off on my own, and somehow (gasp!) manage not to starve or go without clothing—on my own.

This does not seem to matter to law schools. GW allows you to waive the parental forms if you are over 30, but, again, I am not quite there. Another school has an option which requires you to sign an affidavit that you have not received money or gifts in kind of more than a certain amount from your parents in the last three years. That's a nice thing, particularly for those who are perhaps estranged from their parents. But I am not estranged from my parents, and my parents are generous. My parents paid for most of my wedding. My parents offer to buy us plane tickets for family events we otherwise would miss. So I wouldn't be able to sign that affidavit.

All of this is sort of moot, anyway, because even if my parents were helping me out right now by giving me money and supporting me, I still wouldn't be able to apply for need-based aid from these schools because my parents simply will not fill out the forms. My mother might, if I ask nicely enough. But my father won't. He didn't when I was an undergrad, and I guarantee he won't now.

My frustration with this aspect of law school financial aid knows no boundaries. It's unfair in so many ways. It prevents students from even applying, whether or not they will actually qualify for aid. See, the fact is that, at least for next year, I probably wouldn't qualify for any need-based aid anyway, just because of our current income. But I am locked out of even applying for it because my parents will likely refuse to fill out the forms.

A little voice in my head says, "Everyone takes out loans. Everyone pays them off. You can too!" And that's a nice, reasonable statement. But another voice keeps whispering to me that debt is bad, and that anything I can do to reduce my debt or take on less debt, I must do. Oh, but the Catch-22? I can't. Because, remember? My parents won't fill out the forms.

And they shouldn't have to. I'm sure some people are saying, "Well, just convince them to fill out the forms." But, see, this is the real problem! That law schools require married, older, self-supporting, self-sufficient adults to petition their parents for their income tax information. It's wrong! The only purpose to it is to reduce the financial aid applicant pool, and that's wrong, too. Law schools should come up with some other way to weed out the students whose parents are going to pay for their education and stop requiring those of us whose parents won't to subsidize someone else's education at the expense of our own financial solvency.

I'm just getting warmed up here, and if I keep going, I'll land on the subject of exorbitant law school tuition. I don't really want to go there right now, so I'll stop ranting. But good golly, I get hot under the collar over this. It makes me sick to my stomach—with both anger and nerves.

hi ho, hi ho

...it's off to work I go—tomorrow. Two weeks of vacation, and I'm definitely not quite ready to get back in the saddle. Sigh.

We visited some family this weekend, and they are all pretty excited for me getting into GW. Heck, I'm still pretty excited. I'm just really pleased to know that my lower-than-expected LSAT score hasn't shut me out of schools I actually think I'll be happy at.

I think the next step is to start my financial aid documents. I have some rather harsh words about law school financial aid (including a very heated rant about some schools' requiring my parents' income tax forms), but I won't throw those out right now. I'm in a pretty good mood, and thinking about all that will just stress me out.

Funniest thing heard in college football today:

Announcer #1: One of these teams will leave here tonight and be able to say, "Veni, vidi, vici."
Announcer #2: Ah, yes, that sweet wine.
Announcer #1: Um, not..no...
Me: :::snort:::

New Year's Resolutions

Last year, I had two resolutions. One was sort of unfair as a resolution: it was to get married, which was definitely going to happen, so probably shouldn't count.

The other was to find a new job, which I did within the first six weeks of the year. So by mid-February, I had achieved all my resolutions.

But if I dig a little deeper, I can acknowledge that the "find a new job" resolution was less about finding a new job and more about finding a path to happiness. My new job is good—and I am much happier than I was in my last job. But it's not the panacea I thought it would be. What I was really looking for was my own personal Renaissance. I took a remarkable writing seminar in the fall of 2003 and it sort of showed me what I was capable of, and how much I missed being that challenged in the rest of my life. The new job hinted at providing an outlet for the parts of me that were yearning to come out.

The new job, again, is worlds better for my mental health and allows me to be more creative and responsible than my old job. But my inner me still isn't getting the chance to fly. I still need a greater challenge.

Enter Law School. In some ways, deciding to go to law school was the real fulfillment of that New Year's Resolution. I had resolved not to find a new way to make a living, but to find a new path for my life. The job was a step in the right direction, but not the solution. I can't say for certain that going to law school will be the solution, either, but it's definitely another step in the right direction.

So for 2005, I have some resolutions. Some will be slightly unfair: they're the ones that are going to happen, probably no matter what. Others will be dependent on forces beyond my control. But these resolutions will hopefully shape this year for me.

• I will start law school.
  
• I will not fret about paying for law school, no matter how petrified I am about the debt.
  
• I will be happy where I land, whether it's the highest ranked school I get into, or the highest ranked school I get into in the same city as the program Mr. Angst goes to.
  
• I will remember that every city we are considering moving to has an airport and my family will always only be a short flight away.
  
• I will make friends in our new home, and not get stuck spending all my free time (what little there will be) with Mr. Angst or in front of the TV.
  
• I will also remember to spend quality time with my husband, when we are not both studying or working.
  
• I will remember to stay in touch with the friends we leave behind, by emailing regularly, inviting them to read my blog, and making phone calls.

So these resolutions aren't really concrete (like, "I will lose 10 pounds," which I'd like to do but which I cannot ever resolve to do, so I won't resolve it), but they are important and will make 2005 a much happier year for me. If there's a resolution I could make that would encompass all of these, that would be it: I will be happy in 2005, knowing that I am making the right decisions for me.

Happy New Year all!

On New Year's Eve, I like to think back to all the things I've done in that year that were momentous (or that I did for the first time). Here's a portion of that list:

1. Got married
   
2. Visited Italy
   • spent two days trying to find the Spanish Steps
     
   • ate real bistecca alla fiorentina and it was GOOD
     
   • found "our" wine while having a snack in the Piazza della Signoria, which we now buy whenever possible
3. Gave two weeks notice and started a new job (all my other job switches before have been preceded by other factors, like moving)
   
4. Said goodbye to my mom when she moved several hundred miles away
   
5. Saw a Wagner opera
   
6. Was a bridesmaid to one of my bridesmaids
   
7. Went to a "feting" (NOT a wedding)
   
8. Decided to go to law school
   
9. Visited Sedona and saw the red rocks
   
10. Had my wisdom teeth out, five years late
    
11. Said goodbye to my best friend when she moved several hundred miles away for culinary school
    
12. Took the LSAT
    
13. Debauched in Las Vegas for four days
    
14. Applied to law school
    
15. Hosted Thanksgiving at my house
    
16. Found out I'm going to be an aunt next summer
    
17. Got accepted to GWU, where I know I'd enjoy being a law student

Wow! That's a lot! There are some good things in there, and some sad ones, and some that will shape the direction of the next several years of my life. I'm a little scared when I realize that, YES, I have been accepted to law school and this whole adventure is no longer just a flight of fancy. It's actually going to happen. And you know what? I'm thrilled. Best of all, I have my soulmate with me and we're on this rollercoaster together.

Happy New Year!

absurdity

By the way, have I mentioned that tomorrow is New Year's Eve and I have been wearing flip flops and a t-shirt all day? Really ridiculous, and makes it not feel like New Year's Eve is tomorrow.

It also makes the menu planning I did this week sort of unusable. Nevertheless, tonight we are having osso buco. Hey, I've been craving some sort of braise. I may need to jack up the AC so the temperature is appopriate for digging into all that goodness, though.

celebration and relaxation

Yesterday, after my good news from GW, I drove about an hour to see my best friend. She recently moved away for culinary school, but came back to visit friends. Seeing her was the perfect topping to yesterday. We ate good food (tomato basil bisque, yum); had pedicures (and I had a manicure, also)—good girly fun; and then we had cocktails. The visit was too short, but they always are, and I think we're going to try for a spring trip to New Orleans, just to get some more good girly time in.

I also took my sister to dinner and gave her her Christmas present. She showed me her new apartment—her first all-by-herself apartment— and her tax ID number: my little sib is starting a business on the side. Her own apartment, her own business, and even a new friend-boy...these kids today, they grow up fast! I'm so proud of her.

This morning, as a treat to Mr. Angst, I got up early and made us breakfast: buttermilk pancakes. As an extra-special treat, I frothed up some milk for our coffee with my new milk frother, the best Christmas present ever. When we went to Italy on our honeymoon, breakfast at our hotels always included excellent coffee and warm, foamy milk. We've been trying to recreate that ever since, but I hadn't been able to accurately duplicate the foam. Now I can have foam whenever I want it! Hurrah!

My vacation is almost over, so I'm going to have to make the most of these last two days. Excuse me, I have a new book to read. (NOT the Glannon, though. Sorry.)

whahoo vahoo yippety skippety!!

Just found out I got into George Washington! It's a good day in the Angst household.

UPDATE: It only took me an hour to realize that I probably don't need to apply to American anymore. I think I'll save my $65 and focus on Chicago-Kent Honors.

devastation

I haven't written about the horrors in southeast Asia yet because, frankly, I'm still absorbing all of it. It is almost impossible, at such a removed distance (and from my extremely advantaged standpoint), to grasp not just the numbers—CNN says the death toll could top 60,000—but also the difficulties of getting information, traveling to remote locales, beginning to distribute aid, and rebuilding in that part of the world.

I know that it's terribly un-PC nowadays to ask strangers and psuedo-strangers to pray for anything—and I certainly don't want to offend my readers—but I really do ask that if you pray, pray for the people who are still waiting to be rescued, who are looking for their families, who are without shelter and food. And if you want to help, Larry has some links to aid organizations, as does Janine.

no more traveling!

I had my Northwestern interview this morning. I had to drive to a nearby city for it, so I was on the road again. Despite having to travel again so soon after coming back from a week away (and I am sure that sentence could read better, but I don't feel like working on it), the interview went off pretty much without a hitch. She was very nice and personable and made me feel very comfortable; we talked quite a bit about the environment at Northwestern, which I was starting to think might be too corporate or business-oriented (she disabused me of that notion, so hurrah!). Somewhere in the midst of it all, she told me that she felt I would fit in quite well at Northwestern, that my experience, etc., would make me a good match.

I hope the adcoms feel the same way! I'd be thrilled to get into Northwestern; it would take some of the pressure off of me if we end up going to Chicago for Mr. Angst.

So now I've finished everything I needed to do for my top five apps; they're all just waiting to be read, I guess. I suppose I should get cracking on that Chicago-Kent essay, and maybe send in my American application. :-) I have the week off—theoretically, I have plenty of time to do both. We'll see how realistic that is, though!

oh, yes

I almost forgot! How exciting that Jeremy ended up in the New York Times (still on the front page, no less!) and yet even more exciting that AL and Jeremy are one and the same.

I admit it, I am one of those people who blogrolled both Jeremy and AL. I read both pretty regularly, and, nope, didn't pick up that they were one and the same. (I wonder what that says about my powers of observation.) I've always wondered, though, how real AL could be. Well written, definitely; fictional, absolutely.

Anyhoo, I think I just want to give a big "Hooray!" to Jeremy for landing in the Big Paper—and another "Hooray!" for keeping AL "secret" for as long as he did. He definitely deserves that book deal.

many things

In the last three days, so many things have happened, and I have not written about any of them. No, nothing momentously life-changing; just lots of events.

Christmas Eve with the Angst-in-laws was lovely. They have an old tradition of having fondue for dinner, so we all happily dunked into cheese and broth. We played Pictionary, and the men's team won (despite the women being more talented. We had harder cards). We opened gifts and giggled a lot and took pictures.

My sister-in-law (the soon-to-be-mom) gave me a copy of Civil Procedure by Joseph Glannon. I chuckled at the gift—it was humorous!—but she was dead serious. (She is an attorney and went to Harvard, so it wasn't too random a gift.) She gave me a smile and told me I held the key to understanding CivPro right in my very hands and that I'd be glad to have it next year. It was still a little funny—such a strange thing to receive, essentially, a textbook for Christmas, and be very happy about it!

On Christmas Day, we attended church, watched some football, and ate turkey, ham, potatoes, asparagus, and...something else....I can't remember, but the table was covered with food. Oh, and bread pudding. A true holiday feast. The meal sort of exemplified what I love about this season: it's a chance to gather together and eat, drink, talk, and enjoy being with each other. That's really what's most special about Christmas.

Of course, after lunch, we had to make our way to the airport—where the line to check in on Delta was longer than I've ever seen a line, anywhere. We opted to check in at the SkyCap, only to wait another half hour while they cleared up the security flag on our tickets. (I think it's because we flew into one city and out of another.)

By the way, Christmas Day is the day to travel if you love being on airplanes with LOTS of small children. I've never seen so many young ones in the airport, including on little girl who was draped atop her father's rollling suitcase, sound asleep.

By 11:35 pm, we were home again, home again, jiggety jig. Asleep by 12:30; up by 8 for choir, and now I'm heading off to Houston for the night: Northwestern interview in the morning. Not sure what to expect.

making my list and checking it twice

1. Christmas cards written and mailed: check and check
   
2. Gifts wrapped and under the tree: 3/4 check and check
   
3. Biscotti in the oven: check

We also saw Meet the Fockers which was, to be honest, pretty good. Babs really stole the show, and Dustin held his own (despite his skin resembling shoe leather). Good clean family fun.

Tomorrow:

1. Finish wrapping gifts
   
2. Start to pack up (we leave Saturday evening)
   
3. Make fondue (Christmas Eve tradition)

A good day planned, all in all.

shopping

All Christmas gifts needed for this portion of the holiday festivities have been purchased. I still need to buy 8, maybe 9 gifts, but those can wait until we've returned home.

Also, I note on weather.com that the weather at home is unusually cold. This means that my plants are dead, sadly. Why would I have covered them before we left? It never gets cold before Christmas. Plus, they'd have died from lack of sunlight. Well, now they'll be dead from freezing. I'm a bad plant mom.

I have finished my American application, but not submitted it yet. I need to print it out and review it before I send it off. After I do that, I'll work on my Chicago-Kent essay. (Seeing as all Christmas shopping is done, I don't have anything to do tomorrow and Friday morning.) Oh, and I am going to help my mother-in-law set up a recipe website. And write and mail Christmas, er, Holiday cards.

OK, so I do still have a lot to do and little time in which to do it. Sigh. Vacation always goes by too quickly, especially when I spend so much of it sleeping in.

last post of the day, i promise

TV times on the East Coast confuse me. I'm a mid-country kind of girl, and ten o'clock is the hour for TV dramas. But not over here, apparently.

How do people get any rest over here? Good TV isn't over until 11pm, and then they have the news to watch!

It's a good thing I'm on vacation.

lack, serious lack, of motivation

I need to work on SOMETHING. Either my Chicago-Kent essay or my Christmas cards. I am not doing either. Or I could work on my American application, but I need to do that on Mr. Angst's computer, and he's using it.

Instead of working, in fact, I am watching Gilmore Girls with my inlaws and my husband and generally enjoying not doing anything else. (Of course, Gilmore Girls is currently showing an extra-marital post-sex scene, which is moderately uncomfortable with the inlaws being across the room from me. Urk.)

I could also wrap Christmas gifts.

Nah. I think I will go take my shoes off, though.

confusion

Northwestern's online status check is finally back up, but the information is moderately incorrect.

For instance, my status shows that my application was received on October 15. This is completely wrong, since I didn't start work on my apps till the beginning of November.

It also lists me as being complete, but I haven't had my interview yet. So I can only hope that their system upgrades are causing some glitches. I didn't go through all the waiting to get my interview set up only to have it not count for squat!

Meanwhile, I haven't been working on my two additional apps as I promised myself I would this week. I haven't even been working on my Christmas cards, which I also said I'd get done this week. I've been basically lazing about like, well, like a woman on vacation. I can't really complain. At least I've bought 3.5 Christmas presents. A little productivity is better than none.

everybody's havin' babies but me

I am going to be an aunt next summer. I am VERY excited!

Also, it might snow tomorrow.

Days left till Christmas: 5
Gifts I've bought: .5
Gifts left to buy/make/assemble: 14

I am in deep poo.

one more for the evening

I know, I'm on vacation. Blogging shouldn't be a priority. But I would like to say that our mini-trip to DC has been great fun so far. I am having a very good time. I have seen a good friend from college (who I didn't see for five years, saw two months ago at our reunion and again tonight, but you'd never know that and we picked up just as if we talked every week, and that's kind of weird but also very cool), visited some beautiful campuses, eaten good food and drunk good drink. Mr. Angst has had good interviews, and the weather has been lovely.

So nice has our trip been, in fact, that we may stay an extra day. (This is the Angst-in-laws doing—they are bringing an overnight bag when they come up tomorrow, "just in case.") I'd be happy to do that and have the chance to go see American tomorrow.

In any case, this has been a lovely beginning to my winter vacation. If only I had gotten more sleep last night.

this post brought to you by the letters D and C and the number 4

Four being how many hours of sleep I got last night in our trek to the city of D and C: Washington.

Or, actually, Baltimore. Last night. Tonight, DC. It's sort of confusing.

Anyway, if you were one of the GULC or GWU students madly studying (or actually taking) for exams while I poked around in your cherished study spots, I send you (1) big apologies and (2) waves of good luck.

Also, I'm complete at GWU! Yahoo!

Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

something I learned about myself today

I am not really a phone person.

I like having phone conversations with friends and family when I need to catch up. I even like MAKING those calls. But I am not so much a fan of my phone ringing off the hook with calls from friends and family who just want to chat at all hours of the day. It frustrates me when I look at my caller ID and see that X, who I have talked to three times in the last two days, is calling AGAIN, and I know the conversation will take forever because X will go off on tangents every third word.

huh?

It's 40-something degrees outside, and the AIR-CONDITIONING just blew on in my office.

Come on, people, figure it out.

Meh! &#*%@*$

I should be happy—UT has finally ordered my LSDAS report. However, they have somehow managed to LOSE the copy of my resume that I sent them when I sent my application.

See, I submitted my app electronically via LSAC, but forgot to attach my resume. So I just sent my resume in an envelope with their "race-gender affirmation" letter.

And I guarantee I know what happened. Some $8 an hour employee opened my envelope, saw my affirmation letter and some extra paper, and didn't know what the extra paper was and probably threw it away.

Now I have to scramble to get a my resume together—by which I mean find the file on my computer that is the CORRECT resume for UT—put it in the mail TODAY before we LEAVE TOWN, and HOPE and PRAY UT gets it this time.

I'd call, but I'm not sure I woulnd't end up talking to a moron on the phone. Or at the very least, someone who is too excited about their impending Christmas vacation to bother helping me.

Grrrr.

UPDATE: OK, I was a little peeved when I wrote that. I did call, the woman I spoke to was helpful, and informed me that the only stuff that shows on their online information page right away is the stuff they got with my application. Since I sent my resume under separate cover, it's not yet been associated with my application. She even took my name and will make a note on my file that my resume is around there, somewhere.

When I get back from the holidays, I'll follow up to make sure all is well.

NOW I can be happy about this! Yay! UT requested my report!!

this makes me all mushy

happy fun plus arrogance

Tonight, I have been madly helping Mr. Angst with his personal statement. That is to say, in the grandest tradition of writing instructors, I have been gently (but swiftly, since he has to fax it tomorrow) guiding his very good core statement toward a clean and precise written document.

I have had such fun! I love the red pen, the molding of language; I so enjoy seeing what can be and encouraging it to come out.

Yes, I know, this makes it sound like I should be a writing teacher. And I'll admit that a big part of my law school personal statement was about eventually hoping to teach lawyers the importance and impact of language. But I also know that just teaching kids and adults to be more effective writers wouldn't satisfy me quite enough. I think I need more than that, I need to know something better is coming from what I do.

Maybe that's why I've enjoyed tonight so much. Mr. Angst's plan is to go into a program that has a great deal of moral merit; he wants to do something great and wonderful and important and I am so proud of him for that. And I know that the writing I am helping him with will help with that goal. So it makes me very happy. Also, I love him, so that contributes to my good mood.

I feel good right now. Very good. Proud, and happy, and (a little) arrogant about how good I am. ::::sizzle::::

Look, I know that, as far as many people are concerned, Lemony Snicket is Harry Potter's bastard stepchild (and I'll admit, I have not read the Lemony Snicket books), but could the producers of the new movie NOT use the same font on teasers as they did for the Harry Potter movies?

hoot!

I've been in meetings all day and no one really wants to read about them, so I'll just give you the funniest thing I've read in about a week.

I only laugh because I recognize myself in this story. Thanks for the giggle, Milbarge.

it IS going to be a good week!

My dear friend from college who I am excited to see on Friday in DC just got engaged. And suddenly (well, not suddenly, but again) I realize that I am at that age where my friends are growing up and getting married. Every time I get a wedding invitation or birth announcement in the mail, I go through this same sense of anomie: How can we have grown so far, so fast?

I do not think of myself as particularly old. Of course I am not old—I have not even passed 30—so I use the word "old" in a more metaphysical sense. I always seem to think of myself as younger than I am. For instance, my family thought I had waited a really long time to get married; I thought I was almost not old enough. I still sometimes think it's OK to shop in the juniors section at the mall, not because of sizes but because the clothes are cuter.

The other day, I looked at my refrigerator door and noticed that, instead of crazy pictures from bars and parties that have always decorated my kitchen, my magnets hold wedding pictures and, even more shockingly, pictures of my friends' kids. Oh my God, I thought, I have become my parents.

I have crossed the threshold. I am an adult. When we get together, my friends and I talk about home repair and taxes; we talk about the rising cost of insurance and whether or not Horizon milk in the paper box lasts longer than the store brand in the plastic jug. We don't gossip about who is sleeping with who, because everyone has a significant other. We watch our language because, chances are, someone's kids are in the next room.

So, even while I am thrilled and oh-so-excited for my friend, who deserves this happiness so much, I am also a bit wistful for the days when she and I were young and foolish, living on yogurt and ice cream in a small apartment in New York City. I feel a twinge of some indescribable loss, knowing that we really have left that life behind, in favor of the great adult unknown.

I never was one of those people who thought my youth would be "the best time of my life," so I know this will pass. But for the moment, I just can't help but feel a bit sad.

maybe it will be a good week

This morning, I got a call from my Northwestern interviewer (finally! yay!). Apparently, in my last email to her, I transposed some numbers in my phone number, so she couldn't get a hold of me. Thankfully, she took a look at my signature, saw the correct number, and tried again.

I'm set to meet with her two days after Christmas. We'll be returning from the Angst-in-laws' on Christmas night, I'll sing at church on the 26th, then I'll drive to Houston and stay with my brother. He lives five minutes from her office—better and better! She sounds quite friendly, so I am heartened. I've read (on the boards) a few horror stories, so I've been a little nervous.

By the by, the trip home was lovely. I spent oodles of quality time with my grandparents, saw my aunts and uncles who still live in that town, and attended the funeral of the young man I knew who was killed in Iraq. The funeral was packed, and the local paper did a number of stories on him and his family. Part of me was bothered by all of that—there were people at the funeral who didn't even know him!—and part of me was glad for it. See, on the one hand, it felt a little exploitative, particularly of his family, for this very personal tragedy to be all over the news. But on the other hand, the entire city seemed to be celebrating this young man's life, and that's a wonderful thing. So I am still sort of mixed up about it all.

My sister was also there for the funeral, and we had a very nice afternoon together, something that is quite rare. I was glad for that, too.

All in all, the weekend was nice, Monday morning is turning out pretty good, and best of all, I start my vacation in four days! Now, if only I could get rid of the low-grade headache I've had for three days, things would be perfect.

something ALWAYS goes wrong

I realized at 11:45 am today that I left my debit/check card in the ATM machine last night.

Since I'm set to leave town in a few hours, this was not good news. I have had to cancel the card, order a new one, and procure a "temporary" ATM-only card so I can get money this weekend if and when I need it.

This means I now will have to interact with cashiers at gas stations, the one thing I always hate doing. Paying cash anywhere else is fine, but at gas stations, I have to go inside, stand in line behind the guy buying a quart of oil and a case of beer, and the cigarettes that just happen to still be in the stockroom instead of above the counter. And then I have to say, "I want to fill up my tank. Here's a $20; I'll come back for my change." And then I have to go back inside and wait in line AGAIN after I've filled up.

The best thing that ever happened to gas stations was pay-at-the-pump.

OOPS: OK, I apparently can use my temporary ATM card at gas stations. This fact, though, does not ameliorate (50¢ word!) my annoyance with losing my check card.

on the road again

Mr. Angst is camping this weekend with some of his college friends/fraternity brothers, so I am taking the opportunity to road trip to the coast to see my grandparents. I can do some pre-Christmas visiting, go to a funeral I didn't want to miss, and see the water.

I grew up on the coast—hence this trip is also a trip back "home" though none of my parents still live there—and adore the ocean. There's something about being able to gaze out at a seemingly endless expanse of water that really soothes me. I don't necessarily like getting in the water (which is to say, I could happily live in a place where the water was too cold or dirty or dangerous to get into, as long as I could still stand on the beach or a cliff or a shore of some kind and look at the water).

This is noticeably distinct from the way Mr. Angst sees water. He grew up in a lake-and-river-ridden place, and his joy is not in looking at water, but at standing in it. Preferably with a beer. I can live without that, so usually he stands and I sun when we trip to the lake. As a water source, the lake doesn't do much for me—I can always see the other side, and that other side is always only half a mile away.

No, give me wide stretches of blue, gray, green, with or without waves. I particularly like it when the sky and the sea are the same color and you can barely tell where one ends and the other begins. I also like the sunrises and sunsets when the clouds are fluffy and full but rest right on the horizon. And even the less-than-beautiful days, with scudding clouds and choppy water, make me happy.

So this weekend will be a treat. Expect no posting from me, though, as a trip home is somehow always a trip backwards, technologically. No computers and no internet access at my grandparents'. Somehow, even that is a bit of a treat.

grades

Last night Mr. Angst and I sat at one of our favorite local restaurants and did math. We were trying to figure out how it was that he needed to get an 88 on yesterday's final exam to get an A in that class. He didn't—it turns out he did his math wrong and only needed a 72, which means his post-BA 4.0 streak is probably holding—but I think our waiter was startled by the page of numbers I was scribbling on when he came to take our orders.

At any rate, it got me thinking about grades. Mr. Angst had what I would consider the typical undergraduate experience at a big state university. He enjoyed himself and did the bare minimum for a while, only realizing in his last few semesters that grades do matter. His final degree GPA is not stellar, but it's not awful. It's...average. He, however, is not average, and has spent a lot of time since then proving it. Hence the 4.0 streak since he got his BA.

Last night, when he thought he was going to end up with a B in this one class because the exam was stupid (it was, believe me), he was really bummed. And on one level, I get that. But another part of me was thinking, hey, a B isn't bad.

I have a lot of ambivalence about grades. On the one hand, I am intensely competitive and hate to do poorly. But on the other hand, if I don't do as well as everyone else because everyone else is just plain smarter than I am, I can handle it. This explains my own GPA trend. I started out OK. Everyone told me that I would leave my rather small high school, where I was a big fish in a little pond, and get into college and discover that I was now in the middle of a pond with a bunch of other fish exactly as big as me, and some that were bigger. I took that to heart and wasn't really upset with myself for not acing my freshman year. My relative mediocrity was fine with me—everyone else was just better at those subjects than I was, or smarter, or a better writer. As I meandered through my major coursework, though, my GPA went up and up and up, proving to me that I had found my niche. My instincts were spot on: at some things I was better than others, and I just happened to be good enough at many things to end up with what I thought was a really amazing GPA.

Of course now, with applying to law school, I wish I had aced my freshman year. And my sophomore year, too. My GPA is good, and in fact remarkable for my school which has absolutely no grade inflation, thanks guys. But compared to the competition, it's just OK again. And I have a problem with that. Because I know my GPA is probably better than it looks. I'm not getting shunted down the admissions ladder because everyone else is better than me, or smarter, or a better writer. I'm getting shunted down because GPAs, despite LSACs claims, are NOT normalized. And that really bothers me. It hurts. It sucks. I admit it, I'm pissed about it.

(I'm even more pissed when people with my same GPA apologize for their grades, like it's something to be ashamed of. Seriously? Look around you and be thankful for your abilities.)

All I can do is hope and pray that when my apps get reviewed, the readers take the time to actually look up my alma mater and see what kind of place it is, and put my grades in perspective. Because I really believe that, everytime some prof on the admissions committee tosses my stuff in the "ding" pile for no other reason than my numbers, her law school loses something. (No, not just me as a student.) The "numbers game" is absurd—particularly because it's driven by the "rankings game"—and the eventual losers aren't the schools who drop in rank, it's the schools that give up good students because their numbers don't fit the model.

lunch

Dear National Deli Restaurant Chain,

Look, I know you guys at the To-Go counter were in the weeds when I walked in at 1:20. I tried to be respectful of that, and ordered clearly and quickly. And then I stood back because I was in no big rush. I knew I'd just end up eating my sandwich at my desk.

But somehow, my order must have had "Rush" written on it in invisible-only-to-me ink. I know this because the girl who packed up my bag was throwing things in it so fast that she tipped the container of au jus—just enough to dampen the bottom of the bag. And then she shoved my sandwich and chips on top of the container—crushing my chips, by the way—compounding the problem, and what happened then? Poof! went the bottom of the bag and Splash! went the au jus all over my pants. Glad I'm wearing black, machine washable pants today!

I can't complain too much; after all she was very apologetic and gave me lots of extra napkins and a sturdier, albeit ginormously large, new bag with handles. No, the big problem was the sandwich itself. And for this, I have to look at the sandwich assembly line guys.

Guys. I know, I know, how much it sucks to be swamped with the lunch crowd. All those people, grumbling because they're hungry. The phone ringing off the hook. Cashier girl screeching about waiting To-Go orders. I know you were probably flustered when you made my food, and that's how you managed to stack all the lettuce on one side of my bun and all of the roast beef on the other. And I know you were stressed when you flopped the tomato on top of it all so it would stick halfway out of the lettuce side of the sandwich. I sense that you were probably pissed off at someone, too, maybe your ex-girlfriend, because you wrapped my round sandwich into a baguette shape. I feel ya, man. I do. But for the love, please don't take it out on the food! Oh, my poor sandwich, reduced to a soggy, mushy, couldn't-dip-you-in-the-jus-if-I-wanted-to heap of sadness!

For my sake, and for the sake of the poor, innocent sandwiches, take a few deep breaths, relax your shoulders, and chill. We'll all be a lot happier, with you and with our sandwiches.

trip planning

I've been busily making hotel reservations and checking out transportation options for next weekend's jaunt to DC. We start in Baltimore, where I've been searching for a decent hotel next to Johns Hopkins that we'll actually be able to get to in the middle of the night when our plane arrives. Needless to say, we don't want to spend $50 on a taxi, so I'm thinking SuperShuttle.

Being the semi-anal woman that I am, I desperately want to know NOW exactly how I am going to get from whatever hotel we stay at near Johns Hopkins to the train station in downtown Baltimore so I can zip into DC for an info session at GULC on Friday morning. Somehow I think I'll end up asking the front desk at whatever hotel we stay at. Locals always know best. It doesn't calm me down to know that I'll have to wait, though.

Of course, once we get into DC, it seems everything will be cake. We have a hotel in DC already (in Foggy Bottom), I have a couple of friends to get in touch with for meals, and I can definitely find my way around on the Metro. When we leave, we just have to figure out where to meet the Angst-in-laws, who will be driving into the city to get us and whisk us away for Christmas week.

I'm excited to be planning my first (real) campus visits.

refreshed

I did not go to work yesterday. The alarm went off and I sort of felt like the guy in Office Space—I just couldn't comprehend that I might need to get out of bed. Of course, in my case, this was due to exhaustion, not weird, leftover hypnosis.

At any rate, I spent the day being a vegetable (more or less). I worked on my grandmother's newsletter some, and got it 98% finished. On schedule to go to the printer Thursday and go out in the mail sometime mid-next week. Thank God! I was starting to worry that I'd have to trek it to my in-laws with us for the holidays and send it from there.

Also yesterday, I thought I'd put up the Christmas tree. I started working at that around 1pm. I pulled the boxes out of storage and that very minor task—we don't have that much Christmas stuff—completely wore me out. So I lay back down on the couch and read a good book, The Grey King. A quick book, too, since it's about 100 pages long. I recommend it, as long as you won't feel silly buying fiction in the "young adults" section of the bookstore. I don't, so I own the entire Dark is Rising Sequence. I bought mine at Half Price Books.

Moving on, I did eventually finish getting our tree put together and somewhat decorated. Mr. Angst brought home Chinese, and I recuperated from whatever had laid me low.

I also received two emails from schools in Chicago informing me that they've received my stuff. Thank God! Now if only Texas would see its way to requesting my report, I'd feel much more comfortable. On deck: additional essay for Chicago-Kent honors program. Deadline: sometime in the week before Christmas, when I'll be starved for stuff to do while at the in-laws.

I wish I could say I allowed myself to take the weekend off following two days of bad news. Unfortunately, life tends to interfere when you least want it to, and I had things to take care of.

I spent Saturday morning teaching my father how to download pictures from his camera—a task I hope no one else ever has to repeat. I only succumbed to his request because I knew if I didn't, someone else would have to do it, and they probably wouldn't be as nice about it. The end result was good—I mean, I've never seen someone get so excited by rotating pictures and organizing them into subfolders—but it was still a chore. Today, I've pounded away at my grandmother's Christmas newsletter. Thankfully, since this is my third year to do it, I found it pretty easy to fall into a rhythm and get half of it done in a couple of hours. I'll finish up the rest tomorrow or Tuesday.

It seems, then, that I've been terribly productive even while feeling of out of sorts. I always seem to fall into that trap—being idle usually only makes me feel worse. Sometimes I wish I could just take a day off of being a responsible young woman, though, and not feel guilty for eating ice cream and drinking wine and watching bad movies.

On two good notes, I am going to visit my grandparents next weekend (or this weekend, I am never sure which adjective to use when referring to the weekend coming up that is not the weekend we are in the midst of). It's always nice to see them, especially when there aren't dozens of other relatives around. I'll also get lots of other visiting in while I'm there, and since it will be before Christmas, people won't be as stressed out and busy. I might even score some peanut butter chocolate bonbons from my aunt.

The other good note is that Mr. Angst and I have cancelled what was going to be a 48-hour jaunt to Lake Tahoe on New Year's Day (to quickie-visit family). Who needs to hop on a plane at 7 am with a wicked hangover? Instead, we rescheduled those plane tickets for use on our first anniversary in late January. We'll be travelling to Chicago to visit campuses and explore the city. I figure the weather can't be any worse than at the end of January, so if I can make it through that weekend, I can figure out a way to tolerate the cold for a whole season. I hope.

it's a banner week around here

My strength is really being tested this week; I just found out that a young man I grew up with (whose mother was my art teacher in elementary school) was killed in Iraq on Wednesday. He was 23 and withdrew from business school in the spring when he found out he was going to be deployed. He had a beautiful young wife, and a tremendous future.

I know he was proud to serve his country, but I can't help but feel angry at the loss waste of a beautiful life.

More: In looking up information about this, I discovered that at least three more young men I grew up with or babysat for—we all grew up in the same church—are also serving, most overseas. It's not surprising to me that they are serving, since we grew up in a military town, but somehow it's all hitting home for me right now.

divine angst

This makes me very sad. I've been sort of moderately following this case, and I was hoping for a different (though admittedlu rather unlikely) outcome.

I know that churches are institutions that must answer to their constituents, much like politicians. But I always hold out hope that the leadership will hear the call of their faith and make the difficult decision (as this Episcopal priest did in the summer of 2003 when that church voted on gay clergy).

Back to the original news story. The minister on trial said it better than I could: "God is still going to call qualified gay and lesbian people into ministry at our church and other denominations." And the more those qualified gay and lesbian Christians hear the call, the harder it will be to deny their callings and the value of their ministries. At least, that is what my faith tells me must happen.

bad news, bad habits

I received some unsettling family news today. In response, I am coping the worst way I know how: copious amounts of good, French red wine, leftover braised chicken, and a frightening amount of fluffy arborio rice.

I am watching Law & Order, alternating during commercials with CSI. I am ignoring the other family obligations I have—my grandmother's Christmas letter—because, frankly, I can't really deal with it right now.

As bad news goes, this piece wasn't all that dreadful or even surprising. But the impact of it has left me pretty mentally incapacitated. I mean, I can think fine, and I even did several hours of work after hearing the news. But I don't really have any brain left to finagle with Christmas newsletters, outline additional essays for applications I haven't submitted, or even read a good novel. It's a TV and overindulgence kind of night.

Cheers.

commentary redux

Richard Ames commented below about my social commentary post:

Actually, most of our public officials compromise quite a bit. Perhaps you see what you think you should see, but in reality it's just not there...I know it's the in-thing to be negative about government and politics, but to say pols are uncompromising simple ignores the facts. They are extremely compromising.

Frankly, I did say "at least publicly and in the media" that pols don't compromise. I know a great deal of compromise goes on in government, but it's also very much the in thing for politicians to put a face of non-compromise out to the public. Denise got it:

"...our politicians use the public forum to articulate seemingly intractable positions..."

And that's the problem with politics in our country. It doesn't matter that compromise is going on in the offices and conference rooms. The public view is of Party A and Party B fighting to be in control. We see our elected officials playing schoolyard bullies, and therefore we think it's OK to do it, too. I haven't had a civil conversation about politics with anyone in my family for close to ten years. Why? Because they are all convinced their side is "right" and my side is "wrong." Why? Because their side tells them so! (My side does the same thing. If it's even accurate to say I have a "side.") Whether their side and my side are actually meeting in the middle to do good work appears to be irrelevant.

The American people are treating politics as black and white (red and blue)—and these ideas are fattened by our ridiculous, sensationalist media—but the politicians aren't trying to disabuse them of the notion by clarifying what really goes on. Instead, as an example, John Kerry gets lambasted for his senatorial voting record because it seems to "flip-flop." Yet all he's been doing is that good work of compromise! It's really no-win in the public eye.

NB: Politics causes me the most ambivalence about going to law school in DC. I really don't want to be in an environment where politics is the currency and if you don't want any, you're out in the cold.

Check out The Political Compass.

My results: Economic Left/Right: -2.75, Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -4.21

What are your results?

wiffle waffle

I go back and forth on being excited to move somewhere new next year. Today, I am pretty excited about it, mostly because I've just gotten back in touch with an old friend who lives in DC.

But a week ago, I was near miserable thinking about it. All I could imagine was the difficulty of moving, the greater debt we'll take on, the being far, far away from my family. My stomach was churning.

So I'm back and forth. And I guess that's to be expected—this is a pretty major change we're planning to make. I've always lived close to my family except for my four years of undergrad. Even then, I was home at least once a semester plus Christmas and the summer. We're all pretty close. Oddly, I've begun working on my grandmother's Christmas newsletter (it features pictures of all their children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren with little blurbs...it's very visually friendly) and you'd think that would make me more nostalgic and upset about moving far away. But instead, today, I am excited about the future. Maybe I know in my heart how supportive my family will be.

Totally unrelated: I really like the Family Guy. Seriously funny show. Adult Swim rocks. Now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Part of all this reflection is that Mr. Angst is diving into the real work of his applications and the "eventuallies" are becoming the "nows." We've been coasting along on the assumption that both him and me will get into schools in all the cities we're looking at and suddenly I think we're both very aware that the plan may not work out that way. And I don't really know what we'll do if the plan doesn't work out as we hoped. So, I'm excited about moving and change today perhaps because I'm really avoiding the possibilities.

social commentary

Thanks to Shelley for this lovely article.

At choir rehearsal not long ago, I had a conversation with a seminarian who was explaining to me why he was voting for Bush. His reasons? He admired the President's faith, yes, but more important to him was Bush's stance on abortion and the war. I replied that I could not vote for Bush because of his stance on the death penalty, his blindness to the complete inadequacy of No Child Left Behind, and his odd fiscal irresponsibility. It was all very civil, and while neither of us could agree with the other, we spoke with respect and openness.

Why can't more political conversations go that way?

We are not—and I am not—black and white, red and blue. There are too many things going on in our country for me to take a one-sided view of all of them. Like Heidi, I sometimes consider myself a bleeding heart liberal. Also like Heidi, though, I am willing to make concessions on some issues for the sake of others. It is too bad that our elected officials (at least publicly and in the media) do not present the same face of compromise.

apps

Two schools that I've submitted apps to have not in any way acknowledged their receipt. This makes me nervous, although just a bit. When will they ask for reports? When will they tell me they've received my stuff? When when when?

When I applied to college, yea so many years ago, one of my applications was, apparently, never considered. It was very odd. I sent everything in along with my check, and I never heard anything else from that school. I wasn't particularly interested in that school, so I didn't fret about it. But law school is a bit different.

For one, I think I'm not really supposed to call these schools to ask about the status of my application. But without calling, I am at the mercy of the schools as far as being informed that my applications have been received. One school got a check from me, so I can always monitor my checking account to see if it's cleared. The other, though, was paid online when I submitted. They have my money, but I have no way of knowing when they'll take a look at my application.

I feel sort of helpless, and I don't like that.

addiction turned foul

I fully admit that I am addicted to Las Vegas. It's eye and mind candy, totally worthless TV, really.

But tonight, they have reached a new low. This must be the "exposition" episode of the season. The dialog is wretched, the plot is contrived, and, for God's sake, the Polyphonic Spree guests.

I actually kind of like this show, but this episode pretty much guarantees it's going to get cancelled. Dammit, why don't they hire me to write their shows? I'd do a better job, Mr. Angst would do a better job, the kid down the street would do a better job.

Sigh. TV sucks.

full plates

I have about a million things to do in the next two and a half weeks.

OK, that's exaggerating—but only a little bit. I have to begin and finish my grandmother's Christmas newsletter, which will be tricky since no one in my family has sent me any photos. I have some I've taken, but not many. Considering it takes about a week to get the thing to the printer and from thence out into the mail, I am seriously screwed.

It has to be out in two and a half weeks because we leave on the evening of the 16th for DC to visit some campuses before we make our way to the in-laws for Christmas. We fly into BWI super-late and will have to stay somewhere in Baltimore that night so Mr. Angst can make his 11am appointment in that city; I will probably take a train into DC to visit Georgetown (information session at 11, not sure how useful it will be). Then Mr. Angst will join me in DC and we'll both go take a look at GW. And then we have time to kill. I'm hoping we can send our luggage for the week ahead to the Angst-in-laws, and store whatever overnight bags we have in DC at the train station. But it's been a while since I've been to DC and I don't know if that's a good possibility.

So, DCers, here are a couple of several questions:

1. Where's a cheapish place we can stay (for one night) in the District that's convenient to Georgetown and GW and a Metro stop?
   
2. Are there, in fact, storage lockers or the like at the major stations? (I'm thinking Union Station, particularly, since that's where we'll be coming in from Baltimore on the MARC train.) There are, in fact, lockers at Union Station, as I suspected there would be. It remains to be seen if they will be large enough for luggage. No clue about stations in Baltimore.
   
3. Are there other things we should put on our itinerary for Friday afternoon/Saturday morning? Things we should see if we're very seriously contemplating moving to DC for school?
   
4. Any recommendations for rail/bus/Metro passes for our two-day stay? We won't need round-trip MARC tickets, I don't think, but what will we want for the Metro in DC?
   
5. At present, I believe the Angst-in-laws are going to drive to pick us up on Saturday (it'll be a few-hour round-trip for them, so we can't really stay with them), but if we need to rent a car and drive-and-drop, how tough might that be? This was a stupid question, as I know I can rent a car just about anywhere. Forgive.

These are lots of questions, sure, and they probably reveal me to be a bit of a worry-wart. But any advice would be much welcomed.

Meanwhile, I still haven't heard back from my Northwestern interviewer, which makes me a bit nervous. Time is short!

Yeah, I took a blogging break. Between the all-day kitchen-fest that was Thursday, and the all-day football-fest that was Friday, I was just plain pooped. Didn't bother to get out of my pjs today until 3:30.

We just returned from a nice dinner at my aunt and uncle's. They live something less than an hour away in a brand, spanking new subdivision of houses with no easement, whose designs repeat every third lot. "Starting in the 120's!" Not terribly enticing.

This aunt and uncle have just recently returned from nine years (or thereabouts) in Germany, where my uncle was stationed. What did my aunt talk about all night? Germany. German wine. German tchotckes. German sugar tablets for your coffee. And Dutch veterinary clinics. Good golly! The things I never wanted to know about Germany! We escaped as the other aunt and uncle who were at dinner pulled out the dominos for family game time.

Lest you think I am a terrible person, the evening really was nice. I pull out the sarcasm when I talk about family because, well, families are messy and confusing sometimes. But they are still family, and they understand and know you like few people do. All but one of my mother's siblings was at dinner, and I treasure that these men and women who watched me grow up are so close and still want to spend time with one another. If there's one thing I am always thankful for this time of year, it's family, foibles and all. These times make our plans for the next three years somewhat more difficult to stomach, as I'm sure we'll end up far away and visits will be rare and never long enough.

gobble gobble

Happy Thanksgiving!

We've been through half of one turkey and half of another; the other halves are tupperwared up and put away. We've been through half of two pies. We've been through half a pot of coffee. And now we're looking to rent a movie.

I'm beat! But it's been lovely. Happy Thanksgiving, all.

holiday time!

My mommy is here, she just called to say they were on the ground, picking up their rent car.

I, however, am at work. Phbbt. I am hoping we get a half-day reprieve—sometimes that happens, but it has to come from the top (and I work for a pseudo-government institution, so that means from the governor) and he never makes up his mind until around 11:30. Or at least, they never tell us till then.

I have things to do today—I need a new sweater, I need to buy some liquor (vodka and Rumpelminz), and I need to make some pastry shells. Oh, and also we have the Thanksgiving Eve service my choir is singing in tonight. Too much to do, so little time. I wish I'd remembered the pastry last night, because it could be resting in the fridge right now. (I did not go shopping last night because the sky looked very omninous and my umbrella was at home.)

In other words, I think the next several hours are going to be mildly stressful. What else would I expect, though, hosting Thanksgiving with two sets of parents? Stress is my life-force, though. I will rise to the challenge.

Update: It appears a reprieve is not going to happen. I recall reprieves happening every year that I've been here, but our office manager says it never happens. I don't know what the heck is going on, but I'm leaving at 12:30, when I get my four hours in. And that's that. I can suck up the four hours of vacation time it'll cost me.

Update 2: OK, I went back and looked at my electronic timesheets for the last several years, and it appears we have never gotten a reprieve on the day before Thanksgiving—I have always just taken that half day off. Weirdly, we do usually get a reprieve on Good Friday, which seems sort of odd since this is the government we're talking about. We are a red state, though. And I am always glad for that half day when we get it. At any rate, I'm at home, making pastry and waiting for my mom to get here.

creepy weather

It's been raining forever here. Today, it looked like it might let up as I drove to work. There was no actual water falling from the sky, and I didn't need to turn my lights on to see the road at 8:15 in the morning.

But now the sky has blackened. The thunder is so heavy the windows in my office (which is in a four-story solid brick building) are vibrating. I just heard our office manager tell some coworkers who parked outside to move their cars to the garage because hail is on its way.

I generally stave off the Seasonal Affective Disorder until January, when the dark days and cold weather just overwhelm me. But if I don't get some sun here soon, I might have to cancel Thanksgiving and send all the family to Luby's. I don't think I'll be able to cook.

Update: The sun is out briefly. The rain is scheduled to come back in a couple of hours—right when I need to go to the grocery store, unfortunately—but for now, it's sunny and bright. Yay! Cold weather comin' in tonight, just in time for Turkey Day.

hee!

Today's Horoscope:

Quickie: Coworkers' nervous little habits are unavoidable. Find a way to drown them out.

Overview: It's time for you to wind things down—all kinds of things. If you need to summon up one last blast of willpower to finish it all up, don't worry. You'll be more than equipped to handle it.

more waiting

I just spoke with Northwestern regarding my request for an off-campus interview. See, I requested an interview six weeks ago, and I haven't heard anything. I was beginning to wonder if they lost my information or were ignoring my request because I hadn't submitted my application.

None of that, actually, is the case. They're just really backed up, with lots of requests and not enough alumni to do interviews. I'm supposed to wait another week and call then if I haven't heard anything.

I'm not sure what another week is going to do—after all, this week is half holiday, so I don't know how much is going to get done before next Tuesday. Still, good to know I didn't do anything wrong, and that my information didn't get lost, and that I should, at some point, get an interview. Hopefully.

Update: I just received my interview information. Either an eerie coincidence or my call expedited something. Either way, I now have contact information.

did you know that...

...vinyl tile gives off a distinct smell that apparently doesn't dissipate with any rapidity?

...you can get denim burn on your knees if you wear jeans while installing tile?

...it is nearly impossible to hang anything on the wall straight when you are 5'1" and don't have anything resembling a level?

...even if you think your walls are straight, plumb, they probably aren't?

...fresh turkeys (even the frozen "fresh" turkeys, which aren't frozen solid, and can be called fresh because of some odd USDA regulations) are twice as expensive as frozen turkeys? And that you pretty much can't find a truly frozen turkey that hasn't been injected with "flavorings"?

All these are things I learned this weekend. It took a lot of time and quite a bit of contortion on my part (since I'm the only one small enough to measure and cut the tile that goes behind the toilets), and we are bit messy around here still, but we have new flooring in all of our bathrooms, our foyer, and our kitchen/utility. Hallelujah! It's delightful. We celebrated by buying new rugs for the doorways and kitchen, and a new blowdryer for me.

A long, long weekend leading into what will be a long, long week. I'm pretty darn tired right now.

rain and vanilla coke

It's raining again here, which is annoying. Mr. Angst, the Angst-in-laws, and I excursed (is that a word? if it is, I like it) to the Home Depot today and bought 160 or so square feet of vinyl tile. We're retiling the entryway, all 2-1/2 baths, and our kitchen/utility room. This is partly because the tile that is in all of these room is dead ugly—alternating sea foam green and sandy peach—and partly because we'd like to increase the resale value of our home in preparation for next year's graduate school adventures.

Right now, we're waiting for the floor primer to dry. Remember when I said it was raining? That's making the floor primer not dry very quickly. When it's dry, we'll start cutting and laying tile, after which we'll replace the quarter-round trim and caulk around the toilets. We are not pulling the toilets up because we don't want to hire a plumber. Later, we'll unplug the fridge and pull it out to tile the kitchen; then we'll do the same with the laundry machines. This, I think, is going to be a very long day.

Also new, Mr. Angst mentioned that he doesn't think he's going to apply to the program in Boston anymore. Since I was never jazzed about Boston in the first place, I think Boston is off the list. So I only have two more applications to submit, instead of four-maybe-five. Once of those requires an extra essay, so I'll work on that in the next week or so. The other is pretty ready to go, just waiting for the next pay period.

So, la! I'd really much rather restrict myself to either Chicago or DC, with the possibility of staying right where we are and going to Texas if things don't work out for us to move. I don't like all the uncertainty that comes along with dozens of irons in the fire. Even for undergrad, I only applied to three schools, and one was the big state school that automatically admitted me.

pie...mmmm

CM has not heard of buttermilk pie. So i am going to tell you of the goodness that is buttermilk pie.

CM asks if it is like a custard pie, and, indeed, it is. But this custard pie is made with buttermilk. If you like buttermilk, you will love buttermilk pie.

Imagine: a couple of cups of buttermilk, a cup or so of sugar, a few eggs, and some nutmeg. Oh, and vanilla, too, because it's yummy. Pour into a pie shell and bake for slightly less than an hour until set, and eat. After it cools, of course.

Buttermilk pie...imagine the goodness that is any other custard pie: lemon meringue, say, but without the lemon or the meringue. The closest analogy I can imagine is ice cream. There's vanilla, and chocolate, and pistachio, and rocky road...all kinds of ice cream that are all essentially the same but with different flavorings added. And then there's sweet cream ice cream, which is basically ice cream with nothing but cream, eggs, and sugar.

Buttermilk pie is the sweet cream ice cream of custard pies. It is to be loved and eaten.

one more down and the ulcer begins

I just sent Northwestern.

I also discovered that I forgot to attach my resumé to one of the apps I sent last night. Oops. I printed it off and stuck it in an envelope, along with a required "attachment" that had to be mailed anyway. Hope that's not a big deal. I figure as long as they get it, it'll be fine. I'll call next week or maybe after Thanksgiving to make sure it got there and is appropriately attached to my file.

And now the worry begins. Thanks to LSAC's nasty little, "You can never take this back are you sure you want to transmit now?" alert, and my own forgetfulness as stated above, I have begun to fret that I forgot something, put something down wrong, had typos in my resumé, or personal statement or otherwise did something totally boneheaded that will get my application sent to the circular file without a second glance.

If this is what waiting is like, I can do without it. Thankfully (?) I have in-laws coming for a full week to keep my mind off of it all. And Mr. Angst informed me that I will be captain of the kitchen at Thanksgiving and Mrs. Angst-in-law will not try to take charge. I.e., I, who have never cooked a full Thanksgiving meal all by myself, will be doing so this week. Oh, I'll have Mrs. Angst-in-law and my own mother to help. But the cooking will all be mine, right down to the pastry shells and giblet gravy. God help me!

weird

I sucked it up and submitted my four of my top five apps last night, figuring they'd all get at least my first two letters right away, and the last one whenever it arrived.

It arrived at LSAC this morning. That means I can go ahead and apply to Northwestern, which doesn't take updated reports from LSAC so I didn't apply last night because I wanted to wait and make sure that they got ALL my letters since I REALLY would like to get into Northwestern.

So in a few minutes, perhaps, I will run upstairs to the PC and apply (I'm at home this morning) to Northwestern, thus sending off into the ether my top five apps.

Wow. It all happened so fast, and before Thanksgiving, just like I wanted it to!

I do, by the way, have other apps. Those will need to wait for the next pay period (and perhaps some early Christmas money...).

it's official!

I am now a law school applicant!

hoo-frickin'-ray!

LSAC has processed my SECOND letter of rec, which was sent on Wednesday of last week!

I am giddy with excitement.

too early to be festive?

The choir I sing in has begun preparing for our Christmas concert. (Sadly, I will not sing in the concert since I'll be visiting campuses in DC that weekend.) At any rate, we've begun to work on some of the music, and it's definitely put me in the holiday spirit. We're even singing Pat-a-Pan!

So now I'm listening to my college choir's recording of Lessons and Carols (ours is called Look from Afar and I sadly cannot find it for sale online).

I know, I know, Thanksgiving isn't even until next week! What am I doing listening to Christmas music? All I can say is that I love this season. I shudder to see tinsel and fairy lights at the mall this early, but music...music is another story altogether. Good music, that is. (After a season working retail, I can't hear Baby, It's Cold Outside without wanting to hide under a display table.) Plus, this music is really Advent music, totally appropriate for preparing oneself for Christmas. It's also really beautiful and soothing.

Is it wrong that I really want to put our Christmas tree up the day after Thanksgiving? Mr. Angst would disapprove, I'm sure. We'll be at a football game anyway, so I guess it's a moot point. Maybe Saturday?

LSAC is out of the doghouse...at least temporarily

My first-sent letter of recommendation was received and processed this morning! If this trend continues, the second should be received and processed tomorrow, and the third on Monday or Tuesday.

You know what this means? I no longer have any excuse whatsoever for not submitting my applications.

oh, poop

Magic Cookie reminds me that I have a dean's certification form in my bag that's been there for a few weeks. I need to send that off to my alma mater, post haste.

Somebody, please remind me to send that thing in!

And while you're at it, remind me to take my good suit to the cleaners, make a dentist's appointment, send a thank-you note for a belated wedding present, and pick up a loaf of bread at the grocery tomorrow.

Thanks.

so i lied

...and did not print and review my apps last night. Between a sick husband, wandering around Home Depot looking for closet rod flanges, and applying spackle, there was just no mental capacity left.

Meanwhile, I discovered our closet walls are not white, but rather eggshell. I found some paint leftover from the old owners that MIGHT be the same color, but is probably semi-gloss for use on baseboards and trim. I think it will be OK. If it turns out to be too dark or shiny, I guess we can always redo it later. For now, I'd like to just get our new closet rod up and move our clothes back into our room. Before my in-laws get here.

I'm beginning to feel like a total slacker. At home in the evenings, or over the weekend, I feel there's something I should doing that I'm not, but I can't quite put my finger on it. And then I remember—my law school applications.

They are, for the most part, done. This is a good thing. I am holding out on several of them because they don't require letters of recommendation, and I don't want my LSAC reports to be sent without letters because then they won't consider my letters when they consider my app. That would be a bad thing.

But there are other apps that require letters, and on which I've had to name my letter writers. So there's no real reason for me not to send those in. Except that I have been slacking. I need to sit down, print those apps out, proof them, correct them if necessary, and go ahead and transmit them. But I haven't.

There's a little voice in my head—the one trained to make these kinds of comments by growing up with my psychologist mom—that says my slacking is because I don't really want to go to law school. The problem with that voice is that it's purely reactionary and knows nothing at all about real motives. It's the same voice that wants to excuse me for saying hurtful things by saying, "You can't make anyone feel anything they don't already feel." In other words, that little voice only knows the jargon.

I do want to go to law school. But I'm in a spot now where I am really having to deal with some of those tough questions I didn't want to think about back in August. Like, since my LSAT wasn't as high as I hoped, I will have a tougher time getting into the schools in Chicago that I want to go to; but remember, Mr. Angst is also applying to graduate school. So, what happens if I get into only my Chicago safety, and the only school he gets into is in Chicago? Then we both end up in Chicago, in schools we maybe aren't thrilled with.

That kind of silly problem is plaguing me. It's silly because it's completely unknown and unknowable and worrying about it right now is purely a waste of energy.

What I need to do is shove all distractions aside and transmit some of my apps RIGHT NOW. OK, not right now, since I'm on a Mac and have to wait till I get home to use the PC. But today. And here comes that little voice again, sounding so reasonable, saying, "But you have to finish that drywall repair, and go to the Home Depot to pick up spackle and paint and a closet rod and brackets. And then you need to spackle and paint so you can hang that closet rod tomorrow." And I think, well, alright, I can put it off for another day; but tomorrow we have to hang the rod, then move our clothes back to our closet. And Wednesday I have choir, and Thursday we need to straighten up for the cleaning lady coming on Friday—as well as Mr. Angst's parents. And then we'll have family staying with us until Sunday after Thanksgiving.

The little voice is trying to convince me to wait; then I can blame any dings on my own stupid procrastination instead of on whatever reality gets me dinged—whether it be numbers or background or just not fitting what the adcoms want.

So I'll try and put the little voice on mute. Tonight, while my lovely chicken braises in the oven, I'll print out those three or so apps that need to get sent RIGHT NOW, and work on them until it's time to go to Home Depot. And then, I will send them. So there.

feathering a nest

On cold, drizzy days, I am overwhelmed by the urge to make wholesome, warm, filling foods; to hunker down into domestic bliss.

This weekend's litany of domestic duties includes drywall repair, Hollandaise sauce, vichyssoise, walnut-crusted tilapia (idea stolen from a restaurant menu), and perhaps some laundry. Note that "cleaning" does not appear on my list. Since my in-laws will be arriving Friday morning for an extended Thanksgiving stay, cleaning should occur at some point this week. I believe I'll be calling my trusty cleaning service for an emergency visit, though, rather than doing it myself. I just don't dust, particularly when I have lovely things to cook.

I visited the gourmet grocery store after church today (my singing voice not much improved by all the drywall dust I inhaled yesterday) and came home with some beautiful produce, including lovely, golden-skinned, small, sweet onions and a bunch of robust leeks with heathly, waxy green ends. In preparation for a few more days of cold and wet, I also procured organic chicken legs, to braise slowly tomorrow evening in red sauce and stock, and a fragrant white Spanish table wine to sip slowly.

The happiest find, though, was the largest, greenest bunch of fresh basil I've ever seen, for caprese sandwiches (toasted bread topped with fresh buffalo mozarella, tomatoes, and torn basil).

I intend to make my house smell like winter.

cold weather, warm food

The wonderful thing about the proper onset of cold weather is that warm foods, like soup, stew, and hot tea, are so much more appropriate—and decidedly yummy.

Today, a positively divine tortilla soup (sans cheese or tortilla strips, since I'm counting) from one of the "gourmet grocery stores" here in town. Perfectly heated, deliciously flavored, and not too spicy. Yuuuuuuuummmmmm.

computer envy

I am an unabashed Mac fan. Let there be no doubt—I love me some Apple computers.

BUT, in the last two days, I've been called into two meetings with sales reps from different companies who both had one of those nifty swiveling-monitor tablet notebook PCs. And let me tell you, those things are cool. Really, really cool.

Mind you, I didn't USE them and I didn't even get to see how the sales reps were using them, aside from watching them tap-tap-tap on the screen with the nifty pen-thing. But the form factor is undeniably cool.

Come on, Steve Jobs, give us some tablet love. What could be cooler than a 12-inch aluminum PowerBook with a swiveling, tablet monitor? Drool.

Times like these...

...I am reminded that I have no patience. It's not like this is something I DON'T know, it's just that I try to forget it in my quest to think of myself as the perfect wife, employee, and friend. I am never impatient! I am always fun and cheerful! I work consistently and accurately without making mistakes and never take Internet breaks!

Obviously, I am deluded. This week at least, I am an impatient, procrastinating curmudgeon. And will likely continue to be such for a while. At least through the weekend. And the world will just have to deal with it.

things seem to be going my way...i think

My last letter, the one written by my current boss, will be sent out tomorrow. (I didn't even have to remind him of the deadline! He's good...)

So now I can stop fretting about whether or not the letters will be sent and start tearing my hair out over how long I know LSAC is going to take to process them.

I have until, approximately, November 26 to continue to work on my apps through LSAC on the Web. This is because, stupidly, you can only access the online system for 30 days after registering for it. I don't really understand that system. What I think will probably happen in my case is that I will end up transmitting electronically four or five of my apps; I'll print the others and send them by mail. Sigh. I wonder if it wouldn't be quicker, in some ways, for me to just send them all by mail.

my 2¢

Heidi responds to an argument about gay marriage by expanding the definition of family.

I have to agree with Heidi that families are more, much more, than mom and pop and sibs. I have a large, very large, extended family and we all grew up together, going to the same schools—and the same schools our parents went to—and being each other's best friends. It's wonderful and really quite special to have that sort of built-in support system.

The problem is that a lot of people don't have that experience anymore. Mr. Angst grew up far away from his extended family and doesn't have the same perspective on cousins, aunts, and uncles that I do. More and more people now are only connected to their immediate family, to the two or three or four people in their house. This is something I mourn—I think there was a greater sense of community and continuity when people regularly stayed where they grew up. We're such a mobile nation now; things are much different than they were even 50 years ago.

So I'll add to Heidi's discussion of the bigger nature of family by suggesting that communities can also provide a broadened perspective. Being involved with the people you live and work around develops that sense of intereconnectednes. It also provides a way for people to meet and get to know stable, healthy, same-sex-parented families. (Aren't people saying that's one of the reasons various groups give for the 11 amendments that passed last week—that people "don't know any gay families"—as if "families" can be "gay"?)

So, just adding another layer of discussion.

Getting my act together

I managed to stay in pretty good shape after my wedding early this year. I maintained my weight and ate healthy foods and exercised regularly.

But ever since I decided to go to law school, my physical condition has deteriorated. I have gained some pounds, a small number but a big impact on my short body; I have lapsed into eating awful, fattening foods; and I have almost completely stopped going to the gym. For a few weeks before the LSAT, I got my act together and at least worked out. But I didn't change my eating habits, and I didn't lose any weight.

I've looked at myself and realized it's time, once again, for drastic measures. It's time, in other words, to get organized.

A few years ago, I discovered that the quickest way for me to pay attention to my physical wellbeing was to hyperfocus on it. It's the only way I can monitor myself. I have to keep a food diary and count calories, I have to keep an exercise log, and I have to do it every day. In that vein, I bought a piece of shareware for my Palm Pilot that does all of it for me. (It was cheap.)

The software is called Cheater and it makes me feel like a completely anal retentive, obsessive-compulsive, food-focused freak while using it. But it's a good thing. It gives positive feedback! It gives negative feedback! It's exportable! (I do not export anything from it, because that would be more anal retentive and obsessive compulsive than even I am comfortable with.)

Every time I look at my body and see that I've gained some weight or gotten flabby, I go back to Cheater. I suppose being so conscious of what I put in my mouth is mildly unheathly—and food issues are not unknown in my family, mostly on the too-much-food side of things. But more unhealthy would be remaining in denial. So I am back on the calorie-counting wagon.

This may make me grouchy in the coming weeks. But I can't be any grouchier than I already am over my expanding ass and belly. I just wish I'd done this a month ago. Now I have to be anal retentive and obsessive-compulsive during Thanksgiving. Pooh.

wahoo 3

Remember when I told you that my iPod battery was dying?

Well today, I took my dying Precious to the local Apple store so I could take advantage of my warranty period and get a new one. I figured I'd let the store send it in for me so I could be sure that it got there safely.

Oh boy howdy! Not only did they not charge me a penny (I thought I might have to pay $30 for, essentially, shipping), they handed me a shiny, clean, refurbished iPod on the spot.

Time without iPod: 0 minutes.

Currently: charging new iPod in preparation for importing all my music back on to it.

I won't bitch about Apple's corporate practices for a good month now. That's how happy I am.

wahoo 2

Another letter writer has informed me, ever so graciously, that her recommendation is IN THE MAIL!

All these people, beating my deadline! It's marvelous!

argh angst

Well, I was doing pretty well with not fretting or stressing about my applications not being in yet. Or, at least, I thought I was doing well with that. But considering Mr. Angst has asked me every day for the last three days what's wrong with me, I think I should reevaluate my stress level.

Honestly, I'm freaked out. I wouldn't be—or I say I wouldn't be—if my LSAT score had been 2 points higher. I wouldn't be if LSAC were processing letters of recommendation quickly. In other words, I wouldn't be freaked out if I weren't so worried that my LSAT schore and application delay were going to kill my chances of getting into the schools I want to go to.

Tonight I talked to my best friend for a while, and explained the whole stupid letter of recommendation holdup on my applications and how I was truly worried that all this waiting would completely destroy my getting into my top schools. And she said, "You know what they say about the guy who graduates at the bottom of his law school class? They say he has a law degree. You'll be fine no matter where you go."

And I know she's right. But I am so nervous right now! Nervous that I won't get into a good school, nervous that the schools I get into won't be good enough for me to actually enter legal academia. And it's getting me down. I need to snap out of it and I don't really know how right now. (It doesn't help that I stepped on the scale today and realized that the yoga classes I haven't been going to and the gym trips I've been skipping have not been good for me.)

So I'm worried-nervous-fretful and feel fat. Basically, I'm down.

why I like public transportation

A year ago, Mr. Angst and I bought a car. A newish car—of the certified pre-owned species. It's a good car, reliable and fairly cushy. It's a near-luxury vehicle.

Today, Mr. Angst called me to say that our transmission was shot. The car—our beautiful car!—was bucking and wheezing. Any attempt to exceed 25 mph resulted in RPMs over 5000.

Urk.

This is why I don't like cars. They fail. Even the best cars fail. I have a small economy car for myself and it is more than enough auto for me. Because it was cheap—and is now paid for—I don't worry as much about it failing. It was cheap! It drinks cheap gas!

But the nice car, the car we spent three months looking for, the car we drove 200 miles to buy so we could get the best deal? That car has failed.

I am bothered by the immediate depreciation of an automobile. Dealership requirements—spend hundreds of dollars every 15,000 miles just to keep your warranty valid—vex me. Gas is expensive, and more expensive on a nicer car, and this infuriates me.

For a time, I rode the bus to work every day. I lived half a block from the stop and the bus took me directly outside my building. It was delightful. I got lots of reading done on the bus; I could go home for lunch because the round trip only took 25 minutes. I saved money, used my legs, and never had to scavenge for a parking space.

But I don't live in that neighborhood anymore. Bus service to our current area is ridiculously scant, particularly for a neighborhood that is in the middle of our city. And my current job is not in a central location, as the last one was. So I have to drive. And I hate it.

The failing car is being repaired—for free, since there is, apparently, a known problem with transmissions on that make and model. And we have a cute, sporty loaner. But I'd much rather take a bus or a train.

Why, oh why, weren't drops the treatment of choice for my lazy eyes? Three years of elementary school with a patch was no fun, no fun at all.

Funnily, my eyes still have a tendency to cross when I am tired. This really freaks out my husband. I can also move my eyes sort of independently of one another; that also makes his skin crawl. It's a fun party trick.

Huzzah! Huzzah! Huzzah!

My #1 letter writer just emailed me to say....he's done! It will go out in the mail tomorrow!

Please, gods of LSAC, be good to me and process it QUICKLY!

Sigh. I feel a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

intentions

I started this blog as a personal exercise. I needed a place to hash out all the conflicting emotions I was having about my (then) suddenly burning desire to go to law school. For as long as I can remember, when I felt confused, I wrote about it. I have boxes of old journals from high school and earlier; I have archived electronic journals I kept in college. I have an old blog that I kept for a few months when blogging was brand new; I have another, personal blog, where I post longer bits, more personal bits, things that are not necessarily related to law school.

And see, that's where things start getting confusing. This blog was intended to be just about law school. I wanted a place where I'd post my thoughts and reactions to LSAT study, application hassles, rejections and acceptances, and my eventual decision-making process. But as it's grown and developed, this blog has become more personal, a place where I post not just my law school thoughts, but also my random musings, reactions to horoscopes, weekend adventures, and other experiences. I don't know that I like that. It's not that I dislike the disclosure of it all, although I am quite wary of broadcasting my identity on the internet. It just doesn't feel right somehow.

I have started sharing more and more—but I am ever-conscious of how thinly veiled my identity really is. So I censor myself rather readily to keep what anonymity I have. This doesn't feel good to me, but I almost can't help it! Jeremy says,

I also think there's a difference between an anonymous blog and a non-anonymous one. The anonymous ones, to me, are like people are hiding something to begin with -- that if it's found, people will assume it was anonymous for a reason.

I think there's a lot of validity to that. There are things I don't say because I am afraid of being "found out," as it were. I'm anonymous, but not anonymous enough.

Right now, I'm contemplating becoming completely un-anonymous. There seems to be some freedom in that. I'd curtail my personal commentary somewhat, but that might force me to restrict those kinds of writings to a more appropriate venue. I just don't know. I'd like some thoughts on it, though—anonymous bloggers, what benefit do you get from being anonymous? And those of you who are fully outed, as it were—do you restrict yourself because you are easier to find?

yippee?

I heard (finally) from a woman I know who volunteered to write me a letter of recommendation for one of my schools that she has a connection with. I'd tried to reach her a few weeks ago and when I hadn't gotten a response, figured the offer wasn't valid or she was too busy. Turns out, she was just having email problems. She said she's still willing to write the letter. I asked her how much time she'd need....that's the critical thing, you know.

So that's a happy for today.

what to say?

So a friend of mine from college graduated from law school in May and took the bar in this, our home, state.

Bar results are out, and I don't see her name. So I think she didn't pass the bar.

What is the best response? We don't hang out a lot, but we have happy hour every month or so. Since I'm getting my information from a website, I don't feel comfortable just calling her up and saying, "Oh my God! You failed the bar! I'm so sorry, let's go get drunk!" But, likewise, calling her up and saying, "Hey, let's get a drink tomorrow!" seems phony, not owning up to why I'm calling her.

What would you prefer, dear reader(s)? The random call or the pity call? Or some version in between?

this weekend

Friday
Barbecue! Lots and lots of barbecue. And then beer. All good things.

Saturday
One of the best football games I have ever been to. The crowd was going CRAZY! Absolutely amazing.

Also: ran into a friend whose wife is a 1L. He says he's proud of her because she's really doing this law school thing and enjoying it. She does, however, "study all the time." I'm going to assume when he says "study" he means "read." I've always been mystified by the varied uses of the word "study" in a school context. To me, studying is review—going over material in preparation for an exam. Reading is preparing for class. Of course, there's also writing and research, but those aren't studying either. Maybe this is just me. How do you think of the word "study"? Is it an exam-specific thing or do you study all the time? Maybe she is studying—she's done the reading, the writing, and the research, and she's reviewing it all in case she gets called on in class. Or maybe he means that she's already working on her outlines. I don't know. Any thoughts?

Sunday
Beautiful music in church—a cool, bizarre, big piece by Benjamin Britten, and then a lovely motet by Stanford. Followed up by buttermilk pancakes, made by yours truly. And then, because I was in a cooking mood and I have a new food processor, I made red sauce from a new recipe (note to self: reduce amount of sugar, because sauce was a little sweet), then a spaghetti bake (browned ground sirloin folded into red sauce, tossed with spaghetti and layered, like a lasagna, with shredded mozarella). Yum.

And now it's a new week. Letters of recommendation will hopefully be mailed on Friday. Until then, it's life as usual.

If only this were true:

Kristine's Daily Virgo Forecast

Quickie: When you speak, everyone listens. Use your power wisely.

phooey

Well, my apps are pretty much ready to go, except my resumé is not quite done. I am missing one little bitty piece of information that I really do want to include—it's just a small detail that I can't quite remember—and I have to wait for a reply to an email I sent before I'll have that info.

Meh.

If (oh hope, oh hope) I get that email tomorrow, I can get some of my apps sent out before the weekend. That means I'll be able to relax and enjoy myself. We have a houseguest coming and there's a football game, and it's finally football weather...I can't wait for it to be the weekend!!!

musical oddities

My iPod has decided that, today, it will play all the rap I have on it, in a row. (She is set to shuffle songs.) Rap is probably about 1.5% of the music collection on my iPod (code name: Precious), yet I think I have listened to all of it in the last few hours.

If it's not rap, it's synthpop.

Seriously, what's going on here? And where is all my 80's music? God knows I could use some of that right now.

letters

All of my recommenders now have the same deadline. Next Friday, November 12. I hear rumors on the evil boards that LSAC has been taking WEEKS to process letters. I hope this will not be the case for mine. Theoretically, they'll all arrive at the same time, since they're all coming from the same city, and I won't have to worry about which letters get sent to schools first or second or third.

Meanwhile, I obviously did NO work on my apps on Tuesday night. Not only was it election night, but Mr. Angst also skipped class that night, so we spent some rare weeknight time together. A much better way to spend the evening than hunched over a monitor, I'll tell you what.

But tonight...well, tonight I'm pretty sure he won't skip class again. That will leave me with a choice between watching Joey (snort) or doing some actual work. I think I'll polish up my apps and try to send off my top choices.

It'll feel good to actually be a law school applicant. Right now, I kind of feel like I did in ninth grade when I had told everyone in eight grade we were moving to another city, and then we didn't and I showed up on that first day of high school and everyone looked at me like I'd just been telling tales and hadn't followed through. (Not like fourteen-year-old me could have followed through on such a thing, but, hey, fourteen-year olds aren't always rational.)

time change

The switch from Daylight Savings (or is it TO Daylight Savings? I never can remember) has my circadian rhythms all off.

Firstly, I am waking up earlier because of the light, no matter how late I go to bed. Last night, for instance, I was up until about midnight, when the networks called Ohio. Yet I still was stirring awake by about 7 am—which, by the way, is a full half-hour earlier than I usually get up.

And now it's the end of the day, and I am getting ready to leave, and the growing darkness outside has me confused, too. It's so dark! Am I in the office too late? Did I lose track of time? What's going on?

My undergrad was located about 30 miles west of the time zone shift from Eastern to Central time. When Daylight Savings changed in the fall there, it was so much worse than it is here (several hundred miles farther west). There, I'd go into choir rehearsal around 5 and it would be dusk; by 6:15 when I'd be heading to dinner, it would be pitch black. So I really shouldn't be complaining too much, here in the heart of Central time.

But I am. I don't like being awoken before my alarm goes off by the light; I don't like feeling the day is over when I am just leaving work. I don't like it. The only good thing that comes with the time change is the promise of cooler weather. (I am actually wearing my favorite sweater today...yay!)

Not that my bitching is going to change anything. It's just one of those things that gets me at 5:20 in the afternoon when I still have choir rehearsal. Some things never seem to change.

comme ci, comme ça

I am pleased to see that Kerry has called Bush to concede. Not because I am happy he lost, but because to drag this thing out longer, á la 2000, would have been a very bad decision. The classy, and appropriate choice, is to concede in the face of (a) the popular vote and (b) statistically overwhelming evidence that Ohio will go to Bush.

That being said, a commentary:

I am not surprised Bush won. I think it would have been unusual to vote out an incumbent president in wartime. I've thought that all along.

I am surprised, however, at the reasons the pollsters are giving for Bush's win. I assumed people would vote him back in on the basis of the war. But morality—a vague, ambiguous term at best—seems to have been the driving issue for most of middle America. And that makes me sad.

What did they see in Kerry that was amoral or immoral? Was it the gay marriage thing? Even Bush said in recent days that he felt civil unions shouldn't be made illegal. Was it the faith thing—that Bush has the appearance of a solid evangelical while Kerry has the appearance of a lapsed Catholic?

I suppose it doesn't really matter what moral issue mattered to those voters in middle America. Fact is, 11 states voted to outlaw gay marriage yesterday. Fact is, an overwhelming number of Americans voted yesterday for a number of candidates and issues that are discriminatory. Fact is, we can plan on the next few years being a rather ugly, litigious period in the fight for rights for all people. And that makes me sad. It makes me sadder than the prospect of living through another Cold War-type era, one of constant conflict with the rest of the world (if not outright pitched warfare).

It's hard being an adult, knowing that your point of view, no matter how rational and moral and fair is opposed by a majority of your fellow countrypersons. It's hard to look forward over the next four years and wonder how much worse it will get.

But we can always remember to look beyond those four years, beyond the present. We will vote for another president. We will vote for Senators and Congressmen again; we will see our world continue to change. And all that we can hope is that we are all—our side and theirs—strong enough to continue to be rational, and moral, and fair.

data collection

After realizing I needed my exact class rank, and realizing that it was not noted on my transcript, I had to have my alma mater send me that information. It arrived last night.

I am pleased to say that my rank, percentage-wise, was better than I had thought, though the actual number was one (1) place lower. In other words, I almost had it right. (This is pretty good, considering I calculated my rank based solely on how many other people received a certain GPA distinction in my class, and put myself at the bottom of that number.)

So tonight I think I'll go back in and polish up those applications, tweak the information where necessary, and perhaps (!) send off my top choice apps. No reason not to, right? Still need to check that letter of recommendation thing, to make sure I can put a "hold" on letters that I don't want to have sent first.

the mantle has been taken up!

My roommate from my last election party has taken up where I did (and could) not. Viewing party! Glad someone is brave enough to invite the broo-ha-ha into her home.

Note: If this post shows up twice, it's not my fault.

good v. bad

Good:
The cool weather has finally arrived. I am actually wearing a sweater today.

Bad:
My blowdryer decided this morning that it would not blow if the barrel was not pointing up. It works to about 15˚ off the horizontal, but any farther than that and it craps out. This will make drying the top of my head awkward.

Good:
Last night's dinner was lovely—mushroom risotto, baked pork chops with a balsamic pan sauce, and spinach salad with Don's Florida Salad Dressing. I added a pinch of dill and some oregano, too, just because. We also enjoyed a bottle of our honeymoon wine.

Bad:
My iPod battery has been acting funky, taking a full charge and then resetting itself because it thinks it doesn't have any charge. This is nervewracking. I bought it in February, so I still have a few months of warranty. I really don't want to send the thing in for replacing, though. I seem to be able to avoid problems if I (a) listen to it every day and (b) charge it up every night. Listening and charging simultaneously, which I tend to do at work, appears to only increase the likelihood of problems.

Also:
Everybody who hasn't voted needs to drop what they are doing right now and make their way to their polling place. Voting matters. Really.

ready for it all to be over

I am ready for the election to be over.

Like many others in the blogosphere (and blawgosphere), I hope this election is cut-and-dried. I hope there are no recounts, that the Supremes don't need to get involved, and that we can all go to bed tomorrow night knowing who will be President for the next four years.

Last time around, I had an election party. A last-minute election party, in fact. I sent an email out around 3:00, and about 40 people showed up to my apartment, food and drink in tow. We had a marvelous time. I did not have cable, so we watched the network coverage, heated up DiGiorno's pizza, baked Brie, and monitored what other coverage there was via a dial-up connection on an ancient ThinkPad.

We drank and ate and what I remember most was a delightful sense of camaraderie. Most of us had voted for the first time in that election—some for the second time, depending on whether or not they'd been living out of state in college. We were excited and having a good time. No one argued about who should win, and quite a few of us laughed about voting for Nader, since we weren't living in a contested state.

When it became clear that the election results would probably not be official until that Wednesday, the party began to simmer down. People trickled out, all in good spirits.

I remember stumbling to bed around midnight, when everyone but the future Mr. Angst and another friend of ours had left. The other friend was too drunk to drive at that point, so Mr. Angst hung out with him until he sobered up a bit. Mr. Angst came crawling into bed around 2 am. I mumbled, "Who won?" and he said, "Bush." I probably said something like, "Oh. Well, damn. Good night."

But the next morning, everything had changed. Bush hadn't won, at least not yet, and national elections were about to change forever.

I asked Mr. Angst a few weeks ago if we should have an election party this year, since the last one was so successful. His answer was an emphatic, "No." And I understand why. I'm an eternal optimist; I would hope that our friends would show up and we'd behave just like we did four years ago. We'd eat pizza and drink wine, laugh at the pundits and maniacally hit Refresh on the laptop. Mr. Angst is more realistic, though. That sense of camaraderie would never materialize, replaced this time with some paranoia, cynicism, and probably a little bit of shouting. Politics are no longer polite conversation.

It makes me a bit sad, in fact. But everyone takes everything more seriously now that we know what can happen. I wish we could take ourselves more lightly this year, but that seems unlikely.

So my hope is for an uncontested election. I know who I voted for, and I know that Mr. Angst voted for someone else. But I'm less concerned about whether his candidate or mine wins. I mostly fear for what happens on Wednedsay.

inappropriate lunches

An Open Letter to Whoever is Responsible for that Smell:

Dear Friend,

I bet you were really excited about your leftover [enchiladas, meat chili, taco salad] that you brought into work today. And of course, you should have been! Food made with chili powder is a good thing.

However, chili powder can sometimes, particularly when reheated in the office microwave, smell like B.O. And now our entire office suite smells like B.O. (Of course, I realized this smell could not be B.O. when I noted that it extended throughout the suite. No one needs a shower that badly. But the back of my throat could use some respite from the spice in the air.)

Friend, on behalf of the dozen or so people who share this space with you, I ask sincerely and graciously: Please do not bring these kinds of leftovers again.

Kindly,
K

turnover

When I got my current job, I was one of four women hired at the same time. We all had the same job title and (roughly) the same duties.

I have been here since the end of February—approximately eight months. Two of my co-hires have moved on. Somehow, I am now in a position of seniority.

I know I work for an institution with a high degree of turnover. Somehow I have managed, in all my time working for this institution (over five years now) to end up, always, with some level of seniority. In my last position, I was the employee with the third-longest service for the department. (The other two had twice- and three-times as much service as me.)

How does this happen to me? I don't think of myself as a static person, someone searching only for a steady income and good benefits. I'm obviously willing to shake things up, what with this whole "law school" thing. So how is it that I invariably end up being around longer than everyone else?

I don't really know where this post is going. I guess I just find it surprising that my employment history is so boring. I think of myself as a seeker of challenges. My resume doesn't necessarily reflect that.

phbbt

It's just been one of those weekends. We enjoyed a lovely meal of sushi Friday night, but I made the mistake of following dinner's sake with a beer and a glass of Jameson's Irish whiskey, and that pretty much wrecked Saturday. The hungover Halloween shopping I had to do drove me into a late-afternoon three-hour nap. Nothing like standing in line for 25 minutes at the party superstore to wear you out.

The SNL Halloween party was fine; I was slightly uncomfortable due to the down pillow I had wrapped around my midsection (remember, I was supposed to be Joliet Jake, AKA John Belushi). No one managed to take any photos of us, though. Too bad—I really did look good.

At any rate, I've felt completely uncompelled to be productive at all. Thought about working on my apps, but Mr. Angst is trying to complete defensive driving online, and he's had to use the same machine I was using for my apps. Ah well. I need to put finishing touches on my resume, anyway—once I do that, I can make sure all my employment information and extracurricular information is the same across all the apps.

So, it's still a holding pattern here. Currently sitting on the couch, flipping between MiB, Austin Powers, and the Weather Channel (waiting for that cold front!). The kids have pretty much stopped coming by. It was a light year for trick-or-treaters, in fact. I definitely bought way too much candy.

(Funny note, or maybe not so funny? One kid peeked past me into our house, said, "Nice house! Hey, you have an X-Box! Guys, they've got an X-Box!" We are now officially cool, I guess.)

So I'll give the chirren another hour or so before I turn off the porch light.

holidays

Although Halloween is not by far one of my favorite holidays, I like it because it signals the nearness of turkeys and reindeer (thanks, Janine).

I LOVE Thanksgiving; but I REALLY love Christmas. This will be my first married Christmas and I plan to do the house up good. I will also decorate my portion of my triple-occupancy office. I will bake yummy-smelling foods and light holiday-scented candles. I am already planning this, and Christmas is two months away.

But between now and then, I have three big things to accomplish:

1. Finish my law school applications


2. Get the gift thing out of the way (bought or baked)


3. Design, lay-out, print, and mail my grandmother's Christmas letter (This is a chore I have not written about before, but it's really time-consuming. Essentially, it consists of photos of our entire family with little captions, and it makes sense for me to do it since I'm a graphic designer, and I am family and free and my grandmother was getting robbed by the print shop that had been doing it all for her. But this year I have seriously fallen behind in my picture-gathering duties. I'm probably not going to post about it because I am terrified of how behind I am.)

Law school apps get the first three weeks. Then the newsletter will consume me—this is good as it will keep me from fretting all December about law school applications. Baking and buying will likely be done last-minute, if I know myself.

thoughts standing still

All I seem to think about lately is law school. That was true over the summer, and then it was less true, and now that I've gotten my LSAT score back, it's true again.

It seems everyone in the world is sending their applications in NOW, and that's great, but I can't send mine in officially until I know my letters of recommendation are in. And that's forcing me to be patient.

I am not patient. I never have been. It's a sort-of nightmare. Wait wait wait, knowing that the reason I have to wait is because I was not as on-the-ball about getting my LOR requests to letter-writers. Sigh....if only I had...if only I said...if only I did...

I have a bad case of the if-onlys.

head spinning!

The little people really did exist! And they lived in caves or under the earth, and they were little.

Seriously. I love it when little things like this pop up that give credence to folktales that are similar all over the world. From the faerie in Briton to the ebu gogo of the island in this article, little people have been a persistent myth.

Sometimes I think I should have been an anthropologist or archaeologist. And then I remember that I got two of my lowest grades in college in an upper-level anthro class and geology.

life is good

1. My mom is in town. This will be the first time I've seen her since she moved several hundred miles away earlier this year. Since, for the last five years, she's been living about an hour away, the move was a big deal. I'm very excited to see her and my stepfather.


2. Today is Mr. Angst's birthday. We are going to lunch instead of dinner because he has class and I have choir. But tomorrow we are going out to dinner for his birthday with my mom and stepfather; and Friday we'll celebrate just the two of us. Maybe I'll cook again!


3. Mr. Angst found out that his request to take a week off at Christmas was approved. Since we've already bought our plane tickets and begun planning some campus visits during that time, this was VERY good news.


4. I have gotten two more fee waivers. Again, not from schools I plan to apply to, but they are schools in the range of schools I want to apply to. My ego is recovering.


5. After several weeks of waffling, Mr. Angst and I have officially settled on our Halloween costumes for the SNL-themed party we are attending.


6. We finally edited our closets last week; today I dropped all the edited clothes at Goodwill. Those things were the last piles of stuff that needed to be removed for our home to be clean.


7. I gave my boss his packet of info for my letter of recommendation, and he was quite excited to see it and eager to write the letter.

Today is going to be a good day.

first fee waiver received!

Not from a school I plan to apply to, but it is a good school—tier 1, in fact. If location weren't a factor, I might even apply there.

Nice little ego boost. Givin' me a little smile on the downward side of the work day.

Application Activate! Form of a Headache!

I began my apps last night, using LSACD on the Web.

After tinkering with two computers, one server, a laptop, and adding me
as an administrator to most of those machines, I could finally use the
damn web application. Stupid Service Pack 2! Stupid Windows! Stupid
LSAC, making us use stupid Windows!

The funniest thing is that the problems were caused not by our lack of
computer savvy, but because of our over-abundance of it. Between the
two of us, we have mastery of three operating systems and working
knowledge of another two and regularly do things with our machines that
make our friends say, "Wha?" We'd have been better off if we were a
little more ignorant.

I think LSACD on the Web is sort of indicative of the relationship
between law and technology in general. It looks and smells like you
need some technical know-how to use it, but when you investigate, you
find that you need to start with the lowest common denominator or none
of the directions will work. In other words, if I had just added
another user to the original machine, instead of trying to log in
remotely with my domain identity, all would have been well. Sigh.
Live and learn.

The applications aren't difficult, at least. There are some things
that are annoying--high school GPA, for instance. I'm putting mine
down in the 100-point scale, because I have no clue what it would be on
a 4.0 scale and I'm not sure my high school will tell me. Also--class
rank in college? I have no clue. I know the general percentage. I
wish I'd known I would need that information when I was up there last
weekend. I had the foresight to get a copy of my transcript, and my
exact major GPAs. But class rank? Of course I wouldn't ask for that.
Phbbt.

And then there's the way you're supposed to select your major for the
common information stuff. I had two, so I just used "Other" and filled
in my majors, using a handy / (slash) between them. This despite LSAC
saying how important it is to use the standard abbreviations, so the
schools can properly download the data. I think many of their
instructions are just filler, to make people who frequent the boards
happy. I avoid directions, because if you have to read the manual,
it's probably not good design, right?

Sigh. I think I might have to unlearn that prejudice.

revisionist?

I'm rereading my last post and I don't like it.

I won't delete it because that seems somehow unfair, if even just to myself. I had those thoughts, felt those feelings, and they are valid. But it's just such a crappy post, so self-serving and self-aggrandizing. I hate the tone of it, and its snobbishness.

Frankly, I'm still trying to figure out what happens next. My LSAT score doesn't really change things—I'm still applying to law school, I still want to write and teach—but it has changed the way I feel about myself applying to law school.

One of my good friends, C., who I see so rarely but saw this weekend at our reunion, made the comment that she knew I had done fine on the LSAT. She added that she also knew that I felt my "fine" just wasn't good enough. She was right. I always want to be better than "others," whoever those "others" are. I don't even have to be better than everyone else—just those I think I should be competing with. After all, C. way outclasses me intellectually, and I've never felt the need to compete with her.

So my last post was all about proving that I am still good enough, still smart enough, to be a law professor—or even just to get into a prestigious school. It can be exhausting, trying to live up to my promise. Maybe I should stop groping around for recognition and pay more attention to my happiness.

because I am a nerd

I have been crunching the numbers, and I am realizing my numbers are still just fine. My Excel spreadsheet tells me so. My chances of being accepted at certain schools are moving down a few percentage points (more than a few with schools like Harvard, but so what? It's Harvard, for goodness' sake.), but I am still in good ranges for most of the schools I want to apply to.

I am, however, removing UNC from my list. Not only do I have a poor chance of getting in as an out-of-state student, I am not thrilled with their proscribed essay topics. I also don't like that they have a pretty specific length expectation on those essays.

Over the weekend, I ran into lots of people I went to undergrad with who are currently doing law school, or are dating someone in law school, or married someone who just finished law school, etc. And I got lots of feedback on some of the schools that are on my list simply for geographical reasons—lots of good feedback, of the "Oh my god I LOVE this school" type. That gives me a good warm feeling.

So. The weekend is over, the LSAT score has been digested and dealt with. I start my apps tonight, knowing that I have lots of intangibles that can help put me in that 10-20% of people with my numbers who still get accepted to the schools at the top of my list.

meh

I got my score. It was lower than I expected. The percentile is good, but we all know it's the number that really matters.

Despite being somewhat heartbroken at first, I am dealing with it. I'm looking at my ambitions and asking myself what exactly it is I want to do, not where—and I am realizing that the what is much more important to me.

Plus, I have a wonderful husband and really good friends who have been amazing to me, reminding me that a number is just a number, and it's a good number at that. (Just not amazing.) And no matter where I end up at law school, I will do well.

It's been a bumpy few days, and I was immediately regretful that I checked my score during my reunion. I thought it was going to ruin the weekend. I was so wrong. I have such wonderful friends who believe so strongly in me, and wonderful old professors who are becoming friends; I had a marvelous undergraduate experience, and the lessons I learned there way transcend a little number like my LSAT score.

So. There you go. Expect some template revisions soon, though—I'll need to revise my target list of schools.

nothing yet!

No score yet. One pitcher of beer, four wonderful conversations with old college friends/teachers, and some beautiful weather so far, though.

Will check for my score all weekend, though. Mr. Angst thinks I am nuts. I can't help it.

Please excuse my vitriol. I rescued my gone-missing post from my feed.

Of course, it doesn't change the fact that Blogger lost my post. Still, I should be a little less nasty. It's the kind of thing I'd resolve to do for Lent if that were coming up. It's not, though, so I just have to make a little effort to be less bitchy.

Sigh...it's just been a really long day, and it's absurdly hot here for October. 45 more minutes, though, and I'm going to happy hour ("Martinis and Manicures"—it's like a cattle call, actually, with 30 nail techs and scads of drunk female professionals. And martinis. I know you're jealous.) and then I'm packing for my weekend away.

About that; I likely will post from away, since I'll be on a college campus with no shortage of free internet access. I have to post, at least, when I get my LSAT score. Oh, I won't be disclosing it....I'll just crow or weep, whichever is appropriate.

Unless LSAC didn't lie when they said the 25th. In which case, enjoy the weekend, duckies!

whoo hoo!

One of my recommendation-writers emailed me this morning to ask how I wanted the letter addressed since she was just about to finish up with it and send it on.

Yahoo! No pestering necessary!

healthy or just stupid?

In an attempt to reverse my recent habit of poor nutrition, I offset my cheese bagel with an Odwalla drink this morning. I chose the one with "a full meal's worth of protein, and 190% of your daily requirement of folic acid."

Folic acid is good, and I am of childbearing age, so I should probably get more of it. Plus, it was made with soy milk and vanilla—yum!

No. NOT yum. In fact, the antithesis of yum. Chalky shit. Tastes like Milk of Magnesia, but with vanilla instead of wanna-be mintiness. Mind you, I still drank the thing because my body needs to know what healthy, nutritious food/drink tastes like, but I dreaded every sip.

I used to eat well. When I lived alone, I made myself healthy meals most nights; when Mr. Angst wasn't taking night classes, I cooked wholesome, well-balanced meals all the time. Now, I'm lucky if I have a peanut butter sandwich and some Ruffles.

I need to master cooking in advance, and stock my freezer with wholesome well-balanced casseroles. I just hate frozen food and our freezer makes everything that comes out of it smell vaguely like fish.

Barman

Today I went and heard the author of Barman, Alex Wellen, talk.

And he said one thing that I thought was very interesting and encouraging. He said (and though this will be quoted, it's really a paraphrase), "At heart, most lawyers are really writers."

Yes, yes, yes! I mean, that statement sort of holds my entire reason for going to law school. Of course, I obviously have an interest in the discipline, but if I didn't feel that a career in law would afford me opportunities to write and publish, I probably wouldn't pursue it. Because there are lots of disciplines I find interesting but don't want to study in graduate school because I'm pretty sure that that, once I had the degree, I wouldn't write about the discipline I found so interesting any more. I'd be busy doing other things. But lawyers—well, they may do other things, but mostly they write. Write and write and write.

So, yay for Alex Wellen. (Who has a blog, though he updates infrequently because he is on the junket.) Yay for someone saying out loud that lawyers are writers.

One more thing: a statistic he offered up—there are 1,000,000 lawyers in this country and 400,000 of them are not practicing lawyers.

i've got a plan, stan

So this is how my plan goes:

On Monday (by which I will, presumably, have my LSAT score), I will purchase LSACD on the Web. I will install it on my husband's computer, the one with the really excellent big monitor that sits at the desk with the really cushy chair. I will begin filling out my applications.

Meanwhile, I will give my main letter-writer his requested packet of information about me. I may get that to him today or tomorrow, but if it has to wait till Monday, that's not a big deal. He will need my LSAT score anyway.

Hopefully, by the end of next week, my portion of my applications will be completed. I will send them in as money allows—and as I complete any additional essays they require.

With this plan, I will have turned in all of my apps by the first week of November, and they will be complete as my recommendation letters are sent in. My deadline to my letter-writers is November 12. So my apps will be complete by Thanksgiving.

Now I just have to figure out if I can afford to drop $1K on application fees.

dreams again

Last night (or really, this morning) I had a dream that involved vampires, me smoking, and the Supreme Court.

And the weirdest part of the dream was not the vampires or SCOTUS, it was me smoking. I quit three years ago and recently found realized that I don't really crave them anymore. Yet there I was, puffing away, lighting my cigarettes with one of those butane fireplace lighters.

As for SCOTUS, Sandy was wearing a Tiffany-blue robe and Ruth was in navy. The others were in black and didn't talk. But I seem to recall that the women were trying to give me advice on besting the vampires.

merhphg?

Since when does L'Oreal have men hawking their hair color? I just saw a commercial with that guy who used to be on Third Watch telling me all about how Colour Experte is the new way to do multi-tonal color. Huh? He's got a one-color buzz cut. But I guess I'm supposed to take his word on it, because he's a hot guy and knows what makes women look hot?

I hate commercials.

more huh

Once again, someone has tried to subscribe me to a Freecyle group for a city I don't live in. I'm getting a little annoyed by this.

end of the weekend

This was weekend two in my October marathon-of-fun. Last weekend was Vegas, this weekend was the big family reunion (see below), and next weekend is my five-year college reunion. Mr. Angst has never been to my alma mater, and I am excited to take him there. It's a unique place.

In any case, I think October will probably prove to be a posting-light month, when I revisit the archives next year. Part, of course, will be the travel and family commitments; the other part will be the three weeks of waiting between taking the LSAT and receving my score. I do have other things to work on—notably, a packet of information one of my recommendation writers has requested. (I like that he has such delineated requirements, as, once I've completed his list of requirements, I can pass along parts of it to other recommenders.)

But I'm not really focusing on that stuff. I want my applications out by Thanksgiving, and that's a doable date, so I just haven't been able to motivate myself to be too hard-core about them. I dread becoming one of those people on the pre-law discussion boards who stress because it's the third week of October and they haven't sent stuff in yet! Gasp!

I do understand the importance of getting apps in relatively early; I just think the sample of pre-laws on the boards is skewed to the anal-rententively obsessive-compulsive. When I talk to other, more sane, 0Ls, the ones who tend not to post on some of the boards, I get a more balanced perspective. Face it—there are a lot of applicants who are still undergrads, and many of them will wait for fall-semester grades. I can relax, take my time, make sure my apps are complete and accurate and as perfect as possible—and still get everything in before the holidays.

So. October is the month of waiting, reviewing, preparing, and relaxing. Once my apps are in, I'll be working on financial aid apps. Having received lots of financial aid in undergraduate, I think I'm likely to be much more freaked out about getting my FAFSA in.

And the next five days are going to be murder. (And if LSAT scores aren't reported Friday, I might lose my mind. I know, they're not officially due till Monday, but I hear they always come early. I want them to come early, so I can crow at my reunion! Or, alternatively, drink heavily and commiserate with old, good, friends.)

freaky!

Apparently, in the Potomac, male fish are producing eggs.

One postulated cause could be hormones "excreted by livestock or humans." This is one of those things I worry about, albeit minimally. Is there Prozac in our drinking water, from runoff or residually after treatment or reclamation? What about all the other drugs our pharmacologically-dependent society is on? The statins, the anti-inflammatories, the contraceptives and hormone treatments...it's just creepy.

huh?

Someone just used my email address to try and subscribe to some Freecycle group in a city and state I do not live in.

That kind of freaks me out.

family angst

One of the benefits of living in the city where one's family reunion is to be held is not having to travel to that city. I really like that I don't have to rush out of work this afternoon, run home and grab suitcases, and then drive somewhere to stay in a hotel room.

But living in the city where one's family reunion is to be held has drawbacks, too. Note the five phone calls I've gotten this week, asking me to, variously:

order and pick up 72 pieces of fried chicken for dinner tonight
bring my crockpot
bring my food processor
give directions to a grocery store near the reunion hotel, and
offer up our spare bedroom for one night for a relative who doesn't leave till Monday

Phbt. So rather than rushing out of the office to get home and grab suitcases and road trip, I will instead rush out of the office to get home, grab two kitchen appliances (and some beer and wine for Mr. Angst and me), then rush to KFC to pick up five 14-piece orders of "all dark meat, please," shove it into the trunk so my car doesn't smell like grease for a year, and speed over to the reunion hotel with everyone's food.

I love my family. But sometimes I regret being the only one who lives here.

mint

My mint plant LOVES this weather change. It's bursting with new greenery all over the place! Apparently, it didn't like the hot summer on the patio, which is too bad, because hot summer is the best time to enjoy drinks made with mint—juleps and mojitos.

As for the rest of my plants...well, Basil is dead; Sage is dead and the leaves look like dried-up dead spiders, so I'm going to have to unpot it soon before it really grosses me out; Rosemary has managed to survive whatever pest decided it was the most delicious plant ever and is putting out new shoots; and Italian Parsley is exploding with big new leaves.

So, 4 (or 3-1/2 because Rosemary is still questionable) out of 6. Not bad for a woman who inherited a black thumb from her mother.

If they make it through this winter (if I don't neglect them too much, in other words), I may even get to take them to law school with me. That would be nice—some continuity.

It's a new day

I went to choir last night, and it wasn't awful. It was actually kind of nice—I had the chance to hear the music and learn some notes I wasn't catching while surrounded by the rest of my section.

The weather has cleared up—it's sunny and crisp outside, and I love it.

No news on my grandfather, but word is he feels great. Tests are today.

I've been bad about getting to the gym and consequently feel sort of flabby and soft today, but I often feel flabby and soft, and can usually put bad body-image issues away when everything else is going well.

So. There you have it. Today is a new day. I have a project at work I'm about to finish up, then I'll move on to a couple of minor tasks that will keep me busy but won't be stressful. I'm kind of looking forward to them.

My brother arrives this evening for our family reunion, and everyone else will pour in tomorrow. I'm very excited to see my family; it's been too long. We're all just hoping our grandparents can make it in, too.

weather

Last night, while I watched Scrubs (the best half hour of comedy on, by the way), the local weatherguy popped up at every commercial break to tell us that "we've got a cold front comin' in, in about 24 hours, so get ready!" Seriously, I heard the same phrase no fewer than eight times last night.

Well, that cold front is apparently coming in now. Mind you, "cold" is a bit of an extreme term for this wave of air; "cool" might be appropriate, though probably still stretching it a bit.

What is noticeable is the rain—buckets of water pouring down outside—and the definite increase in my itchy-throat level. I am supposed to go to choir tonight and had been debating showing up anyway. Methinks the weather gives me another excuse to beg off. (I can't really sing tonight anyway; four days in smoky Vegas left me with little vocal nuance besides a semi-sexy semi-rasp.)

It's just been a wretched-ish 24 hours for me—my grandfather had a TIA Monday night and may not be able to travel to our family reunion this weekend; last night after work, my car's battery decided that 18 months was a long enough life and I had to have it replaced this morning. I have no voice, it's raining, my office is (for the first time in seven months) hot, and I'm tired.

Not to whine or anything, because my bad day is certainly peanuts compared to almost anyone else's bad day. I just don't feel particularly up to being around people tonight, especially when I likely won't have much to do but sit and listen.

gimme some pros and cons

Here's my question:

Is the LSACD on the Web worth the money and the hassle?

The cost is $54, which isn't high and I can afford it. But it only works on PCs, and I have a Mac at work and a Mac at home. I do not have VirtualPC. But we also have PCs at home—three at last count, plus a laptop. So I could work on my apps at home on one of those machines. But that's inconvenient to me and to my husband, who is usually on at least two of those machines in the evening.

Those of you who've used the service, how much time would you say it saved you? What information ends up being universal? How much other information did you have to fill in for each individual application?

Because if the only things that carry over across the board are the basics, like name, address, and phone, it's probably not worth the money OR hassle for me since I'll have to fill in all the other information for each application anyway—and I'd have to do this on a PC. Most of the schools I'm applying to have electronic applications, so it's not like I'm filling in anything by hand.

Tell me what you think.

crap crap crap

I just found out that [Big Unnamed State University] is holding a law fair TODAY from 45 minutes ago until 3 pm.

So the great debate is, do I try to go? It's a hassle to go down there and park, and I'm not sure what I'd do besides walk around and grab marketing materials from booths. My time would also be limited to my lunch hour, which means, given 10-15 minutes for travel in either direction, I'd have roughly 30 minutes of actually being at the thing.

Still, I feel I should go, if only to get a feel for some of the schools I'm looking at, for their personalities.

Blargh.

Update: I went. I grabbed some marketing materials, asked the guy from Northwestern about the interview thing (getting to Chicago=hard), and chatted with the guy from Chicago about quality of life issues. Georgetown wasn't there; GW lady was swamped, so my questions about the commute between Baltimore and DC will have to wait.

something else I forgot to mention last week...

I finished my personal statement. Oh joy!

i'm baaaaaack

Vegas was fun. I lost all the money I gambled with, but enjoyed watching two friends kick some serious ass on the slot machines. I know, how can you kick ass on a slot machine? I can't really answer that question, but these two girls managed. One put five bucks into a machine and ten minutes later had a C-note. Damn!

Today's interesting factoid that I did not know (from the New York Times):

This year is the 50th anniversary of the first successful human organ transplant.

I had no idea. Organ transplants have become so commonplace that I tend to forget this is relatively new technology. We're awfully jaded about transplants, to the extent that when tragedies happen and the surgeries aren't successful, we get very upset with the doctors. (I'm thinking of the gentleman who died after donating part of his liver to his brother. I believe his family sued the hospital for wrongful death.) The fact is, organ transplants are still pretty damn miraculous. Medical technology never ceases to amaze me. Oh, yes, and the rest of that article is pretty interesting.

Lastly, in memoriam: Christopher Reeve, Jaques Derrida, and the University of Texas Longhorns' chance at the national championship.

ta ta for now

I'll be in Vegas for four days, so expect no updates over the weekend.

Enjoy the weekend, duckies.

Joy!

Hooray! LSAC has received the missing transcript! Cause for great celebration and rejoicing.

Update: It looks like Janine knows why: blogs are magic.

thank GOD the LSAT is over

Last night I had the time and energy to clean my house. Not the whole thing, but lots of it. I produced three bags of garbage, scrubbed the bathtub and two toilets, and blazed through three loads of laundry. I did some other stuff, too.

I looked around at my life yesterday and realized that the LSAT had turned me into a grubby, grouchy, messy mess of a woman. I didn't realize it while it was going on, but upon reflection, I see how gross I let things get while I studied. I've said it before—I am a good test taker. But something about the enormity of the LSAT, the "this affects the direction of your whole second career because it determines where you get into law school and where you get into law school determines how seriously people take you when you want to do XYZ with your JD" just turned me into a slobbering, anxiety-ridden mess.

Oh, not really. But close. I had just enough mental capacity to come to work and do my job and then go study for the LSAT. No room for cleaning. No room for personal productivity. I haven't had my hair cut in months. I've been avoiding looking at my roots because I know I need a touchup on my color, but I haven't really felt "up to" going to the salon. I need a manicure and a massage. I need to read some more good fiction. I need to not waste hours in front of the TV because I can't remember what else I'm supposed to be doing.

I haven't been able to do those things for about two months now. But...IT'S OVER! Hallelujah, rock the world, praise to [deity]! Last night's cleaning frenzy was the beginning of my personal renewal, I think. I hope.

So the next act of personal celebration and victory will be a long-planned vacation this weekend to Las Vegas. It's been nice knowing, as I buried myself in the LSAT, that I had this break planned. Four days in the City of Sin. :::sigh::: What a delightful prospect.

post-LSAT prolificness

Something's going on here. I've been hammering away at my personal statement, kneading and reworking things, and it's getting better and better.

So why did it sit on my back burner for so long?

One of two things has caused this remarkable transformation:

1) the LSAT is over and my brain knows this.

or

2) the last vestiges of the evil project that I completed at work two weeks ago (and didn't really post about because I was too preoccupied with the LSAT) have finally leeched from my blood.

Either way, I feel like I'm back in the writing saddle. Thank God, because I was starting to worry that I'd lost my touch. Since a big portion of my statement is about writing, losing my touch would have been a major problem.

transcript nightmare

I have been religiously checking my LSDAS status online lately, since I (finally) requested transcripts from two schools I attended post-bachelor's. My academic summary won't be complete until these transcripts are received and processed, and I am eager to have that part of LSDAS out of the way.

I ordered these two transcripts on the same day—September 22. One of them has been received and processed. The other hasn't even been received. So I called that school this morning, since my check has cleared and they obviously have to have done something about the transcript.

Yes, they say, we sent it, to the address on the transcript request form, and we sent it on the 22nd.

But, then, why has LSAC not received it yet? What is the delay? This is holding up things, at least partially because, when I signed up for LSDAS, I listed the courses taken at these two schools as "undergraduate" because they were undergraduate level. Apparently, LSAC counts them as "graduate" because they were completed post-bachelor's degree.

So my little mistake is what is really holding up my academic summary—if LSAC knew the courses were post-bachelor's, they would have created my academic summary already, and I wouldn't be worried about what will happen if they don't receive this transcript before I am ready to start sending applications.

Argh. All signs point to me having to write another check, fill out another transcript request form, and this time pay for FedExing so I know the thing will be received. I suspect the original transcript was sent to the wrong address or something similar, and just hasn't been returned yet.

The first day of the rest of the fall

So here I am, back at work, realizing that I don't have to go to the local coffeehouse this evening to run through practice LSAT sections. I have errands to run, and I can actually run them without feeling like a slacker. I have a personal statement to finish, and now I have time to work on it.

Oddly, I found I could not study effectively for the LSAT at home, but I find I can't really write effectively anywhere BUT home (and work, but my work computer and my home computer are corrollaries, really). So tonight, I'll go home and pound away at the ol' personal statement. I'm on draft 2.x and my continuity needs some serious work. Transitions, really.

I wish I could write my statement as a series of lists, since, as Ambivalent Imbroglio so correctly states, "Lists make it easy to jump from topic to topic w/out transitions or excuses or explanations." That is exactly what I need in my statement—an easy way to present a bunch of information without needing to do any explaning or transitioning, or, well, any real writing. ::::sigh:::: I usually like writing, but this personal statement thing may convince me I don't.

it's over

So the LSAT is over.

My test administration took almost exactly five hours, from check-in to get-the-hell-outta-there. I feel pretty confident about the test—nothing seemed particularly difficult or unfamiliar. I was lucky to get a reading comprehension section for my experimental section; I just don't know which one of the reading comps will count since I had them both in a row in the first half of the test.

My proctor was sort of odd—she was obviously unused to reading aloud and often stumbled while reading the instructions. She was also pretty snappy with the fellow helping her out, at one point snapping her fingers sharply and pointing at him to pull the room door shut. We had one clown in the room who didn't listen to instructions well and when he began writing the "I certify that.." statement on his answer sheet before she'd instructed us to, she got a little pissy.

Anyway, it's over and done with, and I am pleased. I feel that I did as well as I could have done—I don't feel like I needed to study more or take more practice tests. I think my score will pretty accurately reflect my abilities on the LSAT. (Note that I say "on the LSAT," since I'm not convinced the LSAT measures anything but how well you understand the LSAT.)

I'd thought about making this post a recap of what I did to prepare for the test, but as I began writing it, I saw how terribly boring such a post would be. So instead of including a long narrative about my prep, I'll give just a little recap:

I did not take a prep course because I am cheap and believe prep courses are a waste of money. This is my opinion and my opinion only, so don't take offense if you took a prep test to good effect. I just can't justify it, mostly because, again, I am cheap.

I used the Logic Games Bible to learn about games, since I bombed the games on my first diagnostic.

I also used Kaplan 180 to get further practice on games and some insight into Logical Reasoning. (Once I felt I'd improved as much as possible on games, I went to my next worst section, Logical Reasoning.) Kaplan 180 is actually a pretty good book for getting extra practice. But it's not a good book for someone just starting out—there's a lot of presumed knowledge in the writing of it.

I only took 8 practice tests, and my average score was not terrific. But my score tracked upwards over time, enough that I feel I did well enough today to get into a least some of my target schools.

I can't recommend my approach to everyone, or even anyone. I am a good test taker, and my score on first practice test was high enough to get me into many schools. But because of my particular geographic restraints on where I go to law school, and my desire to make myself as marketable nationwide as possible after law school (so I can go where my husband needs to go if he has obligations to fulfill for his degree, etc.), I knew I needed to do better. As I said, though, I am cheap, so I went the self-study route. It won't work for everyone.

One final note: I am sort of on the non-trad cusp—I've been out long enough to have a career and a life, and law school was never in my "master plan." But I haven't been out long enough to be really "non-traditional"—I'm only a few years older than most law schools' students' average age. At any rate, I felt sort of odd taking the LSAT today, as several college students were chatting with me about things, clearly assuming I was still in college. (I look really young for my age, and in fact was carded tonight at dinner. It doesn't really upset me, but it's a fact of life that I often look twelve.) I don't know where that observation was going, it's just an observation. There were two older gentlemen in my test room, but no older women. I wonder what statistics there are on non-traditional women in law school—how many there are, whether or not they have kids and prior careers, etc. It's just something I'd be interested in seeing.

Update: I forgot to mention that my wonderful husband bought me good-luck flowers last night. They smell like honeysuckle and are in such lovely fall colors. :::::sigh:::: he's a peach.

24 hours

By this time tomorrow, I will have completed the LSAT. I (hopefully) will have celebrated this fact with some cold beer and good food.

I also let it slip today at work that I am taking the LSAT tomorrow—in front of my boss, who seemed very excited for me. I mumbled something about a letter of recommendation and he nodded, although I can't promise he actually heard and understood what I was saying since we were at an office party at the time.

So. Things are progressing. Lalalala.

Long post in the works about the LSAT, prep, and all the other stuff.

LawMom writes about Banned Book Week.

In honor of fine literature everywhere, go read a banned book. Some that I'll recommend:

1. The Catcher in the Rye (the classic banned book)


2. Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret


3. Anything by Judy Blume, if you like young adolescent fiction, which I do. Her books appear on the most challenged books list yearly, and she is one of the most challenged authors. I particularly like Iggie's House, Blubber, and Tiger Eyes.


4. A Wrinkle in Time, which I can only imagine was challenged because it suggests that there may be life elsewhere in our universe, and does not attribute creation to God? Fact is, Madeline L'Engle is a remarkable author who, like C. S. Lewis, imbues her work with good old-fashioned Christian morality without coming out heavy-handed-ly and shoving it down the reader's throats. In the last book in the series begun by Wrinkle, titled A Swiftly Tilting Planet, the entire Murray family sings dona nobis pacem around the Thanksgiving dinner table, while they pray for peace.


5. Any book with frank discussion of adolescent physical changes. This would include number 2, above, as well as the What's Happening to my Body? books.


6. To Kill a Mockingbird, which I imagine is on the list because of its use of a particular ethnic slur. (Huckleberry Finn is on the list for that reason, too.)

Note a theme? Young adults, adolescents, children, are the ones whose literature is most affected by book challenges. Adults have the freedom to choose what to read and what to ignore, and the freedom to be as closed-minded as they wish. But children—children have such a small voice in these matters. Bless the American Library Association for recognizing that all books are worthy of being on library shelves, even those that parents may object to for ridiculous reasons.

last minute preparations

Today I panicked and realized that I did not have a timer I could use for the LSAT—the one I've been using for study is my kitchen timer that has a very loud beep.

$32 later (32 DOLLARS?? Unbelievable!!) I have The Silent Timer. Now I have to get used to it. I certainly has several features I won't be using, notably the "push the red button after you've answered each question" thing, allowing you to track how many questions you've answered and how many you have left. That's assuming you take the time at the beginning of the section to see how many total questions there are and plug it in. Mrph...that's funny. Almost as funny as expecting me to push the red button after answering each question.

short "hiatus"

Since I sit for the LSAT in less than a week, and since my friendly writing and editing prof really wants to meet with me soon (like last week, so I'm seriously overdue) don't expect much from me this week.

I'll post my LSAT impressions on Saturday, sometime, since I fully expect that I'll go from the test to either 1) the remainder of [Big Unnamed State] University's football game (which starts at 11:30, damn them, rendering worthless my $55 ticket which I probably can't even scalp for face value due to the opponent), or 2) the remainder of my friends' tailgate party.

In either case, I will drink (somewhat) liberally, if only because it will be OVER. I'm looking forward to having the test behind me so that I can begin to concentrate on applications and my personal essay. No matter how much I say I've been working on it, I haven't really been able to look past the damn standarized test. I think once I've taken it and the results are out of my hands, I'll have a little more impetus to work on the rest of that law school stuff.

Meanwhile, if you have Payton Manning on your FF team, you are a lucky bitch/bastard. That's all I have to say about that.

Mildly shocking

In today's Straight Dope column, Cecil Adams writes two things I don't thing I've ever read from him before: a small bit of profanity (mild: "son of a bitch") and a psuedo-extreme sexual reference ("Does he give great head?").

It was the latter, which comes first in the column, actually, that caused my jaw to drop open. I know that The Straight Dope is published in lots of papers—mostly of the free, alternative variety—but still, it's published in many papers. The phrase "give great head" is not one I ever would expect to see in a newspaper of any stripe.

I'm not saying I'm offended—in fact, I think it's hilarious, particularly in the context of the response (yet another reason to eschew vegetarianism, particularly the vegan variety)—I'm just a little astounded.

There's your thought for the day.

seriously, these internet quizzes are spooky

I'm Dogbert!


Dogbert's not-so-secret ambition is to conquer the world and enslave all humans. He anointed himself St. Dogbert, and as such takes special delight in exorcising the demons of stupidity.

Which Dilbert character are you?

glargh!

Gmail is still pestering me with invites. If you don't already have Gmail (and if you don't, what rock have you been under? Unless, of course, you think Gmail is too creepy.) please, please, PLEASE take them away from me.

Oh, and if you're going to ask for an invite from me, please have the courtesy to use it. Seriously, I want to get rid of them, and when I send you one and you let it expire, well, that's just rude.

Bitter? Rich?

Last night I went to study for the LSAT at one of my favorite watering holes—I was hungry and they have good pub food, and I also really wanted a beer.

So there I was, on the patio, drinking my beer and munching on my chicken strips, slogging through Kaplan's LSAT 180. The table next to me was populated by two guys having a drink together, and I didn't even notice them until one of them got up to leave and said something about having a mediation today. Ah, I thought, lawyers having happy hour.

The next thing I know, the remaining fellow intones over my shoulder, "Don't do it." I turn to look, and he's got a sort of wistful smirk on his face. He says it again, "Don't do it."

Continuing, "We noticed as soon as you pulled out your books. We're both 10-year litigators, and we're already bitter. Don't do it."

I said, "Oh, I want nothing to do with a courtroom. I just want to teach."

He replied, "Just watch out. We're bitter. We have lots of money, but we're bitter."

What I can't figure out is why anyone would go through the hassle of three years of law school, BarBri, junior associateship, and thousands in student loans if they don't actually want to do what they are doing. Or, rather, I get it, but I don't know that I appreciate the bitter species intruding on my happy (perhaps delusional) desire to teach lawyers to write better.

one of THOSE weeks

I'm having difficulty remembering what day of the week it is. This does not bode well for my productivity.

I may have topped out

Another practice LSAT and, despite actually finishing the games section, I didn't get any more questions right and pulled off the same exact score as my last practice LSAT.

I keep reminding myself that this particular score is a GOOD score, that it will get me into many schools, if not the schools I most want to get into. I keep reminding myself that I have a good GPA that will help, and my personal statement will be stellar. I am, in other words, pumping myself up. I worry that I may be setting myself up for a fall, in fact.

So in the back my mind, I remind myself that if I get into a school that is not at the top of my list, I can always attempt to transfer.

It's hard to have grand ambitions that will be at least slightly thwarted by not attending one of my top choice schools. I am optimistic, but I am also trying very hard to be realistic.

reviews

I'm not generally very good at reviews, but I recently enjoyed two movies and a novel that I'll share some general comments on.

First—and I admit it's a little out of date, but I didn't really make it out for the summer movie season—we rented 50 First Dates this weekend. I should preface by saying that, in general, I can only take so much Adam Sandler. He's funny and endearing and all that, but often the humor gets to be a little too much. Still, this was a cute movie—a good rental, in fact. Sweet and charming, and there were some damn funny lines, one in particular delivered perfectly by Dan Ackroyd. (Who is another comedian I can usually only take so much of. Thank goodness he seems lately to be restricting himself to small, juicy roles.)

Second movie: Hero. We saw this last night at the local have-dinner-while-you-watch-the-movie movie theater. (We had some free tickets and a buy-one-get-one free dinner coupon. A cheap evening!) OK, I like kung fu movies. I loved Crouching Tiger. I don't really have an opinion on Jet Li, but he's certainly talented. My one beef with this film was that it seemed like a flim version of a story that might have been recounted by one of the main characters in Crouching Tiger. (Or, even, with a stretch, Kill Bill.) It hardly seemed worth a whole movie. Very symbolic throughout, though, with some beautiful cinematography. I'm glad we didn't pay regular movie prices for it, but it was nice to see on the big screen.

Lastly, the novel: The Time-Traveler's Wife. I am only 3/4 of the way through this book and I already have the feeling that I may cry at the end. I have a sinking suspicion that, while it may not have an unhappy ending, it probably won't end with sweetness and light. But it's marvelous, nonetheless. The writing is really excellent, particularly the author's use of dialog. I am eating the book up, far too quickly, really, since I just started it Saturday afternoon, and I wish I weren't almost done with it. I'll probably reread it.

So there are my opinions on three things, and, if you think about it, a brief recap of my weekend.

The end is in sight

My meeting to go over my personal statement went swimmingly. My prof thought what I'd written was "300% better than the others." It has nice structure, some lovely sentences, and lacks commentary on two or three things. (I expected to be told it was missing certain elements. But I didn't want to keep writing and writing and writing unless I knew it was going in the right direction. My writing confidence needs a boost, I guess.)

The meeting went so well that the discussion of my statement lasted only about 15 minutes. Maybe that's not good, now that I think about it—it probably indicates there wasn't anything substantial enough to work on yesterday. In any case, I have a draft to work on, instead of trying to start something new again. Whew!

After we'd discussed my statement, the appointment devolved into my giving him some computer advice. We discussed fonts, putting pictures in Word effectively, and a number of other tidbits. Sometimes I think this particular professor likes me because I help him with his iMac.

At any rate, my mood—which for most of last week was wretched—is dramatically improved. I slept the good sleep last night, and I'd been missing that. Something must be going right for me.

free stuff!

A friend of mine who works for a spa just called me and asked if I wanted to "model" for a salt scrub and massage next week. They just hired a new masseuse and she needs to train on spa procedures.

Hella yeah, I want free spa stuff! Are you kidding? I was just thinking to myself that I needed to take some birthday money and go splurge on a massage. Now I don't have to.

My angst right now is not divine at all.

I am meeting with my writing prof (who is helping me edit my personal statement) in less than four hours. I currently am in love with what I've written; I can see some of its weak points, but mostly, it's pretty good.

I am petrified, however, that he will hate it. Or think it's wrong for law school, or think it's wrong for me, or something equally awful.

Yargh! I need to get some work done, and I can't really concentrate at all since I'm so worried about this meeting this afternoon. Oh, and I spent the morning reinstalling my system software because for some reason Firefox stopped opening. And Mozilla. And Netscape. You know, all the good third-party browsers.

OK

I reread the statement again, after thinking last night that it dwelled too much on "this" or "that." After all, my other statements seemed great when I wrote them, but on revisiting were just wretched.

But, no—it's still something I'm proud to have written. Sure, it needs some good old-fashioned editing, but it's essentially the statement I wanted to write. I'm proud of it.

Whew! What a relief!

the time wasn't right

I sat down last night and started a new draft of a new personal statement.

This time, I think I got it right.

As a sign that I wasn't meant to write it before now, the first sentence that appeared on my screen related to something that happened to me last weekend.

Finally, finally, I have gotten past the need to explain myself, to almost apologize for not "getting it" until now. And I found the words to express what's really been going on in my overheated brain. I even found a structure that works really well for what I'm trying to say.

In other words, I'm glad I walked away from the damn thing for close to a month. It helped. Of course, this is a lesson I've learned a million times before: walk away from your writing when you can't see it clearly anymore. Distance=perspective.

I think this is going to be a good month.

wahoo two!

Another practice LSAT Games section tonight. Finished with 1:45 to spare, and I answered everything right.

The law school gods are telling me this means I need to write my personal statement.

evacuation

My best friend, who just started culinary school in south Louisiana, is evacuating.

She just moved into her new apartment this past weekend—her landlord needed an extra week or so to get it ready for her. She called bright and early yesterday morning to set up her renter's insurance and was told, "No. It's too late for you to get insurance."

Honestly, this sucks for her. I have no doubt that there are unscrupulous people who would forgo insurance until a natural disaster was impending. L., however, is legitimately in need of renter's insurance for the next two years. And she can't get it right now because of that damn hurricane.

So, think many happy thoughts for my friend L. and all of her furniture and clothing. She and her computer will be weathering in Baton Rouge.

Computers?

Over at Blawg Wisdom the request of the day was for laptop recommendations. And Nuts and Boalts had this response. I threw in a comment, wondering why people always advise other people against getting Macs.

Nuts responded:

Mac's have the windows platform available to them, so compatibility with respect to exams is not that much of an issue (especially since now you don't turn exams in on floppy's). Compatibility with the network is. I know of only one Ibook user and he's had a bit of trouble using the wireless connection. So far as I understand it, using the windows platform on Mac slows the computer down, which defeats the purpose of having a Mac in the first place. Factoring in cost, the lack of heavy graphics use during law school, I see no reason to purchase a mac given the PC alternative, unless as I said before you're just too accustomed to the Mac OS.

My first response to this response is: "IGNORANCE!!"

See, people who don't know anything about Macs assume that it must be the OS itself that causes problems when, in fact, it's usually user error—as in 99% of all other computer problems. But Mac OS X is supposed to be so simple to use, I think many people assume that when problems do occur, it must be that the operating system can't handle sophisticated usage.

So here's my slightly longer, more in-depth response:

First, about this mythical student who can't get on the wireless network because Virtual PC is too slow...well, the wireless network, for internet connectivity, should never require Windows. So if he's using Virtual PC to connect to the network, well, there's the major problem. A wireless network is a wireless network, and the operating system doesn't matter as long as you have a wireless card.

But perhaps the real issue is that this fellow can't print to network printers—that could, indeed, be a problem, particularly if the printers use protocols that are not Mac-friendly. This doesn't mean the Mac user can't print to a Windows network printer. He doesn't even need to go bother the IT department in most cases. Usually, if he downloads an open-source UNIX driver for these kinds of problems (gimp-print is one), he should be able to print to his heart's content.

I also think it's interesting that many people assume the only reason to get a Mac is because they're better with graphics. Don't forget, please, they're also more stable, less vulnerable to viruses, and, let's not forget, very snazzy looking.

I think the most important thing anyone looking to buy a laptop should consider is, "What are you comfortable with?" Sure, there are other, law-school-specific issues to consider. But if you've been using a Mac since your freshman year in college and like it, don't run out and buy a Windows machine just because the law school says they don't support Macs. They may not support them, but you shouldn't need much help anyway. As for the cost difference, laptops are all pretty expensive. A low-end, new, Windows laptop from a big-name company (Dell, IBM, etc.) is going to cost you as much as the same, low-end Mac laptop (the iBook). A high-end laptop from a big-name company will cost you as much, if not more, than the same, high-end Map laptop (PowerBook). Do the cost comparison, making sure you equalize all the components (optical drive, hard drive, RAM, sound card, ethernet card, USB and FireWire ports, etc.). I think you'll find that the Mac is competitive. (Where Macs aren't competitive is in the desktop arena, but most people who spend lots of money on the high-end Mac desktops are in graphics, video, sound or other industries where a Mac is more appropriate than a PC, so Macs don't have to be as competitive price-wise.)

Remember—a Mac can do anything a Windows machine can, and everything you might need in law school (except perhaps use platform-specific exam software). Buy what makes you happy and what you will be comfortable with.

more change

I've made the full switch over to Haloscan comments as well as trackbacks. Old comments are still available for viewing, but new posts won't have Blogger comments anymore.

I think making changes on my blog is a safe way to dramatically alter things about my life without actually having to change. All the impending change in my life has been making me nervous lately.

I say impending, but really, I've already had some big shifts this year. I got married, for one. Then my mother, who has been within an hour's drive for the last five years, moved several hundred miles and one time zone away. My best friend, who was also within an hour's drive, also moved several hundred miles away—in the other direction. Suddenly, my nice framework and support system got hugely shakier. I find myself calling my mom three times as often as I used to when she lived close, just because I know I can't hop in the car and drive on down. It's been rougher than I expected.

Along with these recent changes, we're both planning for graduate school and a move that will take us even farther away from here. The rest of my family is all here, or near here, so I'll be stretching that support system even thinner. We'll have no jobs, lots of debt, little security, and absolutely no idea what we're doing. All this change smells scary to me today. What on earth could we be thinking?

I know the answer—we're thinking that we need to do what is right for us. And some days, I am exhilarated by the thought of stepping out into the unknown. Other days, though—days like today—I'm petrified.

So I dabble with easy change, like blog change, or hair color change, or putting on a pair of earrings I haven't worn in two years. Because on a day like today, that's the only change I can handle.

is this legal?

Help me out here, fellow blawgers.

Moulton woman says she lost job for sporting Kerry sticker on car

Can an employer legally fire someone for having a political sticker on their personal vehicle? What about in states where employment is "at will"?

I'm a bad blogger...

...but this weekend was my birthday (YES, the whole weekend) so i took some time off from life.

Friday I went to happy hour AND I went out late with friends; Saturday I rode rollercoasters, ate fine food and drank fine wine at dinner, and then watched a very nervewracking college football game; Sunday, I fulfilled my choir obligations, watched TV, and finished a book. I did not: (1) study for the LSAT, (2) clean my house, or (3) feel guilty about my slacking off.

I've gotten several very nice cards and emails from family and friends, including one from my sister-in-law, who is a Harvard Law grad and a lawyer, which was full of LSAT encouragement. What a delightful birthday present—really! It was very thoughtful of her.

Note: One of my coworkers just brought me a lovely plant for my birthday—potted pink daisies. The coolest thing about this plant is that one of the flowers is conjoined! The stem itself is thicker than normal, and the flower has two centers that are sort of joined with petals springing out at weird angles. It's a Siamese flower! It's so weird it's terribly cool. I like it.

Update: Oh my gosh! It's not two joined flowerheads on a single stem, it's THREE. Wow!

Seriously funny

Thanks to Haas Bloggisms for this. Brightened my whole afternoon!

And yes, Haas, the list of schools on the right is the list of schools I'm applying to. I have to be in one of those cities, depending on where my husband gets into grad school. I think I have a fair shot at some of them, although some of the more notorious famous names are definitely "reach" schools.

also

LSAC has received my undergraduate transcript, but it has not processed it. This is unnerving and annoying.

law law law lah dee dah dee daw

LSAT study continues to go well. Which gives me ever-fewer excuses to not work on my personal statement.

Also, many people around my office know I am planning to apply to law school. My boss does not. In fact, he might be about the only person who doesn't. (OK, that's not true. The people that know are in positions lateral to mine. No one above us really knows.) I would kind of like an LOR from my boss, since he continually tells me how impressed he is by my work, and I'm pretty sure that his English Ph.D means it wouldn't be incoherent. But I haven't told him I am applying to law school.

What is the best way to approach this? I've only been here six or so months, after all—and I'd be telling him I'm planning to leave in less than a year. I'm not sure how he'll take it or whether it will affect the rest of my time here.

Update: BTW, I'm not concerned about being fired, for various reasons. I just don't want to cause animosity.

dress for success

I have always been a firm believer that a dress code is a good thing.

I might be slightly biased—my high school had a rigidly strict dress code forbidding short, jeans, and skirts above the knee, to name a few items. My undergrad institution had a "dress tradition"—men in coat and tie, women in dresses or skirts. Nothing there was ever enforced, but I'd venture to guess that a small majority of students took the tradition into account when dressing in the morning. I know I rarely wore t-shirts or shorts to class (though I wore jeans fairly often); many men on campus wore khaki shorts with a button-down and tie. People tended to take care in their appearance. And that's a good thing. I've found that I concentrate better when I've had to make an effort to look nice in the morning.

I, too, am one of those people who think there are certain events EVERYONE should dress for—church, the theatre, appearances in court. Even in the workplace, make sure your clothes reflect the image you want them to. After all, consider this:

"That was the case for Erika Mangrum, owner of the Iatria Spa and Health Center in Raleigh, North Carolina. She recalls sending one employee home to change after she came to work wearing a cropped Playboy T-shirt that showed her stomach and a navel ring."

I have only one question for that employee: is this EVER acceptable?

Business and schools are implementing dress codes? Good for them. If schools are hiring teachers, and companies hiring employees, who are showing up in inappropriate attire, well, why were they hired in the first place? Teachers, realize that you are the adults students interact with the most. Dress accordingly. Employees, recognize that a sloppy or trashy look is not appealing to customers. Buy an iron and hide your tattoos. Take pride in your appearance.

This crap really infuriates me. I particularly like this bit:

Most research defines "binge drinking" as having five or more drinks in a row, without counting how far past five the drinkers go.

The Berkeley, California-based nonprofit health research institute found that many of the 1,000 male college drinkers surveyed said they had 24 or more drinks in a row.

"These are levels of drinking at which most men will have passed out or become comatose," said Paul Gruenewald, who led the study.

Well, sure, if someone consumes 24 drinks in a couple of hours, they will indeed be comatose. But the researchers didn't specify over what period of time these young men had these 24 drinks.

There are two glaring problems with this sort of news article. The first is that these reports are so vague that anyone who drinks could be considered a binge drinker. After all, binge drinking is defined as "five or more drinks in a row" So does this mean that, at a tailgate party that could last up to four hours, a young man who has a six-pack is a binge drinker? I guess that means my husband and my father are both binge drinkers, too, then, and most of our friends, and, oh yes, me. Or how about a group out at a nice restaurant for three or so hours, who have several bottles of wine. Those people must be binge drinkers as well.

So that's problem one—vague reporting that equates to fear-mongering.

Problem two: The attitude towards drinking taken by these researchers and/or reporters only serves to worsen the issue. Remember—alcohol in itself isn't bad. It's when it is abused that problems arise. More concretely, the heaviest drinkers I know often grew up in very strict households where alcohol was absolutely forbidden. What happens when you tell a kid they can't have something? They want it more. Turn that around, and the people I know with the healthiest attitudes about drinking were often exposed to it at an early age—by seeing their parents drink responsibily at meals and perhaps being given, for instance, a small glass of wine with dinner.

The fact is that college students drink. They are not going to stop drinking—the genie is way out of the bottle, no pun intended. So what is the solution? Make college students more responsible drinkers. And the way to do that is not to broadcast how dangerous binge drinking is, telling the world how awful it is. No, instead, we should provide college students opportunities to show that they can be responsible with alcohol in adult settings. My undergrad institution used to have a tradition of "Thursday Night Kegs"—students and faculty would join together on Thursday nights, in common campus areas, to socialize and have a few drinks. Liability issues forced the administration to ban kegs from campus. Since the ban, hard liquor use on campus has drastically risen, and more occurences of alcohol poisoning are reported every year.

See, when the students were placed in an adult context with other adults, socializing and drinking responsibly, everyone had a good time. No, that's not to say there were no problems—there are always problems. But the problems were fewer.

If we want college students to act like responsible, adult drinkers, we need to treat them like responsible adult drinkers. Treating them like children who are bound to get into trouble will only encourage them to test the waters.

voting Catholic

Morning Edition on NPR had a piece this morning about Catholics being given permission to vote for candidates who support abortion rights without the act of voting for that person being a grave sin.

Frankly, the Catholics I know who are worried about the various and sundry things their bishops "permit" them to do are not the ones who also want to vote for John Kerry. I was pleased to hear that a Catholic priest and theology professor at Notre Dame felt the same way.

Maybe I've been away from the Catholic Church for too long, but this morning it struck me how odd and alien the even theoretical structure of the church is (when it comes to those on the bottom rungs, the parishioners). The men and women who tithe their money to pay for programs and buildings and priests' salaries are supposed to also be subject to letters and memos from their bishops, archbishops, and cardinals, telling them what is the appropriate behavior in any number of situations.

So let's imagine a small group Catholics, sitting in their pews, agonizing over the upcoming election—they feel the war in Iraq is bad or badly run, they oppose the death penalty, they feel strongly about social justice and social programs. In other words, they dont' want to vote for GWB. But John Kerry supports abortion rights. To be "true" and "good" Catholics, they have to then vote against their consciences.

It's all moot anyway. The Catholics who are most concerned about what their bishop allows them to do and not to do are the same ones who believe that abortion is the greatest evil our nation is facing today—because that's what the Church has told them. I wish the Church would start looking at some other issues that are related and important—like the death penalty, which John Paul II opposes and our current president heartily endorses. Or human rights violations, or child abuse, or even the ever-increasing divorce rate. These are all social issues Catholics should have a strong opinion on. But the issue they focus the most on? Abortion.

Death to Floppy

How will the death of the floppy affect law students? From what I hear, lots of law schools still require exams to be turned in on a floppy disk.

In some ways it seems the legal profession is light years ahead of lots of other industries—in, for instance, their high use of the internet, email, and wireless (Blackberry) communication. In other ways they're just falling behind—and the biggest example of that is that so many law schools, where future lawyers are taught the tools of the trade if not the trade itself, are Luddite havens.

Kill the floppy!

the power of positive thinking?

Now that my LSAT prowess has increased, my fear of the evil test has decreased. Following my big backtrack, I stopped thinking of anything related to law school admissions except the test. Study study study. Practice practice practice.

Now that my studying seems to be back on track, and my confidence is up, I think it's time to return to the dreaded personal statement.

I'm beginning to see the process of writing this little essay as a series of stages. Sort of like the grieving process. I've passed
through, first, the "explanation" stage: Oh, I know I've been out of school for a while, but here's why and here's what I hate about my life now and see how I want to change it?

Then there was the "description" stage: I'm a good writer and like research and oh, yeah, I love to argue and all of these things will make me a really excellent lawyer, don't you think?

Now, finally, I think I'm at a place where I can write something more honest and true. The fact is, there are many other careers I could consider, other educational opportunities I could pursue, other lifestyles I could focus on. Why am I choosing the law school path?

Because it's interesting to me, it will allow me to do things I enjoy (like write and research), I'm definitely qualified, and there's a chance—a pretty big one—that when I'm out, I'll actually be able to get a job related to my graduate education.

Sure, I could try for an MFA in writing, or go after an academic Ph.D. But I don't want to go into several years of schooling without any idea how likely I'll be to get a job in my field when I'm done. I don't want to run after three little letters just because of the prestige. Any letters after my name better make me more marketable.

I'm at a place in my life where stability is pretty important to me. That's not to say that running off to law school with a grad-student husband in tow is choosing stability; but when we're done with our educations, I don't want to have to keep moving around in search of research assistantships, grants, and the possibility of academic tenure. I want to know that, if I like the city we land in, I can probably stay there and get a job that uses my $100,000 degree.

I want it all, I admit. I want to live where I want to live, afford relatively nice things, have a happy, healthy family, and go to work every day to do things I am not only good at but that I also enjoy. I want it all, and I kind of want it on my terms. So, yeah, I have other options. But law and law school are the most attractive.

Things I did on Labor Day

1. Forced myself to stay in bed until 10:30 am despite being awake by 9 am. It's a holiday, damn it!
2. Made buttermilk pancakes and French press coffee.
3. Attempted to froth milk in the KitchenAid with the whisk. This did not work. I really need one of these.
4. Watched two episodes of What Not To Wear and two episodes of Law and Order.
5. Remained perfectly still for half an hour when the electricity went out and the air conditioning subsequently stopped so that my body would not overheat.
6. Reset all the clocks in the house after the power outage.
7. Took a practice LSAT and scored one (1) point better than my previous high score and 5 (five) points higher than my last, disappointing performance.
8. On that same LSAT, got 19 games questions right out of 24. Of the five that I missed, four were questions I didn't answer because I ran out of time. In other words, I only missed one question that I actually answered.

The day's not even over yet! Still to come: sautéd fillet of salmon, potatoes au gratin, and steamed broccoli with lemon butter. Possibly some laundry. Perhaps an after-dinner walk.

It's been a good holiday, and a good weekend.

UPDATE: No laundry, two more WNTW episodes, and a batch of banana bread in the oven. Oh, and no exercise. Hey—it's a holiday. I don't have to work out.

a bit more about me

LawMom just commented, wondering when I plan to start law school. And I realized I've never actually said!

The hope is that my husband and I will both be starting school in the Fall of 2005. The programs he's looking tend to have late admissions, so he could have started this year, but he's a good man and he's waiting for me.

My whole planning stage has been sort of compressed—I'm studying for the LSAT, working on my personal statement, and doing applications all at the same time. But I'm a good multi-tasker. I'm not afraid! I've been told squeezing the process into less than a year is foolish, but I'm not sure I could handle a year of planning just to apply. It's hard enough waiting a year to actually start. Patience is not one of my virtues, needless to say.

turning of the leaves

Scheherazade has a new post about the onset of fall.

I miss fall greatly. My undergrad institution was located in a place where September has a chilly bite in the morning and leaves actually change color. Many of my favorite memories are of walking alone through one of the many green areas on campus, meandering through the snow-weighted evergreens. Or bundling into fleece and wool for the three minute trek to the dining hall.

Here, the weather has been a tad unusual for September—it actually is chilly this morning, which thrills me. I know, though, that the chill will burn off quickly, leaving only a blazing sun behind. September is hot here, and always has been. The days are not truly cool until November, and the leaves do not turn colors; they just wither and drop from the trees. And while I love this city I live in and this state I am from, I miss fall deeply.

woo-hoo!

I just took two timed Games sections. I finished each one -- the first with 35 seconds left, the second with four minutes left.

Out of a total of 48 questions, I missed FOUR.

I am the Games Goddess. Hear me kick ass on the LSAT.

really interesting

From this article in Slate:

Tonight confirmed what I suspected before the Democratic convention began: In violation of the normal rules of politics, this year's election is a referendum on the challenger rather than a referendum on the incumbent. There's a general sense that a change in presidents would be a good thing, but the country is taking that decision more seriously than it would in peacetime, and voters aren't certain, despite their disapproval of President Bush, that a President Kerry would be an improvement.

This is pretty much the best summation I've heard of this year's presidential race.

theory

I have a theory.

I've been reading this article in Salon.com about George Bush and his "missing years of service."

This isn't going to be a post about Bush and whether or not he served. No, the thing that really struck me about this article is the recounting of Bush's relationship at that time in his life with his parents. I think we've all heard or read some of these stories—how he challenged Bush Sr. to go "mano a mano" at one point, how he both idolized and resented his dad, and had a difficult relationship with his mother, who was known to humiliate him.

Personally, I don't care if the Bushes were the Cleavers or the Geins—the family is a political dynasty, so I'm sure some of these accounts are exaggerated, just as I'm sure there's some basis in fact for many of these rumors. And even the Bushes admit that, circa 1968-1970, their household wasn't exactly idyllic.

And this interests me. Because I have this feeling that an attraction to politics, like the attraction to certain other professions, is enhanced by famililial discord. No, not every great politician comes from an unhappy or discordant family. But, more often than not, domestic horror stories lurk in many politicians' backgrounds. Clinton is a great example—growing up poor in Arkansas, with a succession of imperfect father figures, he excelled (and excels) at presenting a "fatherly" warmth as a politician. He uses his background—in his case, what was missing—to enhance his appeal.

It's the same for actors, in a lot of ways. Many of the best actors have some strife in their background. Maybe it didn't come from their family life, but it came from somewhere. It's hard to be a good actor when you don't have those strong emotions to draw on. I'm not saying every good actor has to come from a broken home—certainly there are many talented men and women who just have the natural ability to perform without drawing from their past—but most (at least American) actors are trained to use their past as a basket of goodies from which to draw the necessary emotional memory for a part. [This is why I was always such a poor actor. My messed-up family history was counterbalanced by my mother's valiant efforts to help us overcome all the crap. I didn't have any crap left to draw on in my acting classes.]

So perhaps Bush is the successful politician he is (and believe me, Bush is a very canny man and a far sharper politician than many give him credit for) and perhaps he was drawn to politics for the same reason many other artists are drawn to their professions—the need for an outlet of some kind.

Is politics an art? Absolutely. And like much art, it is only made stronger by the emotional turmoil of the artist's past.

oh good golly, gmail

Gmail has given me several more invites. Any takers?

grade curves

Is it weird that grade curves are really odd to me?

My undergraduate institution did not use curves. If any particular professors did, they did not tell us. The grade you got was the grade you deserved. I've always felt that was fair.

The whole concept, in fact, of a teacher grading on a curve, seems sort of mean. In essence, no matter how well you do, if you aren't in the highest percentile, you won't get an A. I could do A-quality work, but if some predetermined slice of other students in my class do A+ quality work, I could very easily be assigned a B instead of an A.

This is something I am not going to like about law school.

New tack

The last few weeks have been unproductive. Once I had my wisdom teeth out, my schedule went to pot. I stopped studying as regularly and I stopped going to the gym in the morning. Consequently, my practice test scores have suffered and I have gained about five pounds. Both of these things are unacceptable.

I'm a firm believer in recognizing your weaknesses and countering them however you can. And here's what I've noticed about me:

• As much as I like the way I feel when I go to the gym early in the morning, I am not an early riser. It is far more likely that I'll reset the alarm and stay in bed at 6 am than actually get up and venture out to the gym. I know this because I have done it several times in the last three weeks.


• When I am at home, almost anything else I can do will be more attractive than studying. And when at home, there are lots of other things for me to do—not just the unproductive ones, like watching TV and reading novels, but also the homeowner things, like cleaning and drywall repair.

So. These shortcomings firmly in mind, I'm making some "New [School] Year Resolutions." Nevermind that I'm not in school; I work for an educational institution, so I feel the academic cycle as much as any other student or teacher. These resolutions are:

• I will go to the gym after work. This will be more inconvenient for me, as the gym is much more crowded at 5:30 pm than at 6:15 am, but the morning thing just isn't happening. My punishment for being so lazy in the morning, then, is that I will fight rush hour traffic, scavenge for a parking space, and actually get some exercise.


• I will follow up my trip to the gym with a trip to one of my favorite coffeehouses, where I will be without my computer and wireless access—and therefore without distractions. I will study for the LSAT. I will take practice tests. If I begin to feel confident in my performance on said practice tests, I may work on my personal statement—again, though, sans computer. I will work in longhand. This will probably be more productive anyway, since I won't get caught up on a single turn of phrase and attempt to edit it to perfection as I am writing. This is the problem with word processing.

The beautiful thing is that husband is in class late two nights a week. So my gym/coffeehouse schedule will work beautifully on those nights. The nights he's in class but not late, I can still go to the gym after work and beat him home. And finally, he has agreed to come with me to a coffeehouse or some location that is not our home on the weekends so we can BOTH get some studying done.

This, I think, is good practice for the future.

divine angst

This article makes me feel better about being the oldest woman in my family without a child.

blogroll update

Bloglines has added a feature that makes it easy to keep your blogroll up-to-date. Insert a line of code into your template, and all of your public subscriptions appear, neatly listed. Consequently, you'll notice some new folks on my list that I've been subscribing to but hadn't added to the roll yet. Welcome!

atticus finch

Watching To Kill a Mockingbird. God, I love this movie. The book is good (I haven't read it in years—probably since middle school) but the movie is phenomenal. I just love Atticus Finch.

a taste of the future

Mr. Angst is taking some classes this semester (and next, for that matter) at the local community college—primarily math and programming classes to fulfill prerequisites for the masters programs he's looking at.

He's only been in class a week, and I hate it. Not that he's in class, and not even that he's in class relatively late most nights of the week. We're pretty good at squeezing in what time we can, when we can.

No, I'm hating the disruption. Suddenly my schedule is all out of whack. Usually, we eat dinner together almost every night of the week; now, he's eating out three nights a week, and I'm left to either cook for one (blech) or scavenge what leftovers there may be. Or eat a sandwich (double blech). When he gets home, he has homework to do—which is also fine, as watching him work encourages me to study for the LSAT and work on my personal statement—but the added tasks mean we go to bed later and more tired, and that makes getting up early enough to do productive things before work even harder.

I know that, next year, we'll be dealing with the same kind of upheaval and I'm not looking forward to it.

The things I am looking forward to: having something more to do in the evenings and on the weekends than household chores (I much prefer studying to housework). Reasons to actually get research done in preparation for writing. Lots of extra reasons not to watch TV more than I should (I often put it on just for the white noise, and find myself sucked into shows I have no real interest in). Using my brain. Being in school.

urgh

Just when I start thinking positive...today's practice LSAT was not good. I backtracked by 4 whole points. I'm a little hungover, not really motivated, and have probably done too much thinking about things lately. Oddly, my games performance remained the same -- about 16 correct. It was the other sections that I lost points on.

Good experience, though, good experience. After all, I could feel bad or be mentally fuzzy on the actual day, just like this morning. Just have to get over that. And over the feeling that the practice tests don't really have any meaning. That hurts my motivation to sit through the damn thing and keep my focus up.

I had a very bizarre dream last night. I don't entirely remember the whole thing, but the main gist of it was that I had, somehow, committed a crime—or had been present during the commission of a crime—and then, in self-defense, I had to shoot someone.

[This, in itself, is weird, because I despise guns.]

Then I was having to get ready to go to jail, and cleaning out my father's Cadillac, which he hasn't owned in five years and which, apparently, I had been using as an escape vehicle. And everyone was being very nice to me, helping me clean out the car so they could then take me away to jail. Then, in my dream, it finally hit me: Oh no! I'm going to jail! And, then, I thought, Now I'll never get to go to law school! THAT made me cry. And I cried for a while.

So everyone tried to comfort me, saying things like, Oh, you'll just have to explain things to the bar, but you can still be a lawyer, it'll be OK, it really will... And I thought, Oh yes, I'm still going to go to law school. Oh my gosh, I can write the BEST personal statement about this!

"I stood, gun in hand, not knowing what I had done, but sure that I could never be a lawyer now, not after I'd killed a man..."

Oh yeah. Law school, here I come.

too busy, too busy

I have three parties to attend this weekend.

This, to my mind, is too many, particularly considering that two of them are short-notice parties. And of the short notice parties is a one-year old's birthday party! Gah! Now I have to buy a gift. Thankfully, the other two are gift-free. Not having to buy a gift makes a short-notice party much more palatable, but it's still inconvenient: It wrecks my weekend plans.

This weekend, I hoped to do some writing, take a full-length practice LSAT, fix the broken closet, and find places for all the clean laundry that can't be hung because of the broken closet. Now I'll be lucky to get two of those done. Which two? Well, probably the practice test, since that requires the least physical exertion. The other three are a toss-up, depending on whether or not I make it to Home Depot for the drywall putty.

I also hoped to spend a relaxing Sunday afternoon in the kitchen, preparing Sunday dinner. (Sunday dinner is the night we eat at the table, not in front of the TV or computer.) Two lovely New York strip steaks, marinated portobello mushrooms, aparagus, maybe even Bearnaise if my whisking arm felt up to the challenge.

All of this is now questionable, because we will probably be too full of hotdogs and birthday cake to be hungry for my delicious dinner.

There's something about the fall and the start of school that drives people to start planning events. No matter how clear your calendar is in early August, it will be completely full by Labor Day. Every weekend will be booked.

I hoped this fall would be different. Last fall, we were on the verge of getting married, so full weekends were understandable. This year, we have no reason to have so many committments lined up—but we do. I just want one weekend where I can lay on the couch, guilt free, knowing I have nothing to do. But until the LSAT, I have to study; after the LSAT, I have to get my applications completed; after that, we're in the holidays—and, then, BAM, it's spring and we'll be putting the house on the market.

It never ends.

Playing around

I've added HaloScan trackbacks to this blog but left in the Blogger comments. I'm not yet sure whether or not I want popup comments. But I definitely want TrackBack!

Just tired

All the thinking I've been doing this week has worn me out. It's only Thursday, and my soul is just weary. I've been thinking a little too much on my personal statement—even though I really like it. I've been unable to really motivate myself to study, and that makes me feel guilty. (My mother, who has a Masters in Psychology, would say no one and nothing can make me feel anything I don't want to feel. OK. I want to feel guilty about not studying. Yessiree.) Things at work are getting a little hectic, which stresses me out during the day. (I'm pleased to note that I have not been taking my work worries home with me, though.) And it's the end of the month so the bank account is a bit lean, as usual. With several purchases to make and one more bill to pay, that also takes its toll on my mental stability.

For some reason, I just can't concentrate. I set the alarm early this morning so I could get up and put some laundry away, maybe do some yoga, and relax rather than running around, feeling late. But instead of doing any of those things, I snoozed. And snoozed again. I got up at the same time I usually do, and was forced to run around, feeling late.

If I feel so lost now, how in God's name will I be able to cope with law school? This is a silly question, of course, because I have always been very good at getting things done for school. Something about learning new things every day keeps me more motivated, I guess.

But all the other things that make up a life? How will I deal with those? Laundry, cooking, cleaning, bill paying...if I'm just barely keeping ahead of those things now, how will I manage in a year? I used to be quite organized about paying bills and balancing my checkbook. Since I got married, we've been juggling the responsibilities and haven't really settled into a good routine, which always worries me. Still, at least I know I'm capable of maintaining fiscal organization.

But the domestic things....I've never been good at those. In college, I only had a small dorm room to worry about, and I didn't have much stuff. It was tough for things to get out of hand. And even when I lived alone, I had a small apartment with no dishwasher. I had to do the dishes regularly or I wouldn't have plates to eat on. I think I figured having a partner would help both of us be more on top of the housecleaning. It's done the opposite, I think. We tend to leave things longer than we otherwise might have. And then they get to the point that things are so messy it's overwhelming to contemplate actually getting things back to their original clean state.

So, all in all, it's been a rough week. Things seem off, just not the same as they've been. I feel stagnant.

Disclosure

Today, I feel the need to talk about myself. I also like it when someone has an "about me" post. So here's mine. I think I'll divide into bits about me that are interesting.

First, though, the basics: I am in my mid-to-late-twenties, married, and employed as a web writer for a large educational institution. I have no kids or pets but I do have a mint plant that I have successfully avoided killing for three years now.

Now, onto the interesting tidbits.

I had a weird double major. I majored in Religion and Theatre. A lot of people seem to think this means I should go into some sort of ministry. Much like a girl I knew with a Music and Psychology double-major, I did not major in those two things so I could combine them in some new and different way—I just liked the subjects. Also, I don't really want to be in ministry. I go to church, and even sing in my church choir. But I think ministry requires a certain comfortableness with one's personal doubt, and I'm not really there.

I once held four jobs at the same time. This sounds worse than it is, but at one point, I worked a forty-hour job, picked up 10 retail hours on the weekend, was on contract as a set designer putting in another 8 hours a week, and was directing a friend's play, having rehearsals two nights a week for three hours each night. It was fun, but I also had very few friends at the time—the playwright mentioned above, and my roommate, who was also my retail manager. Thus, I didn't really miss the social life I didn't have.

Along those lines, here's a list of jobs I've had:
Babysitter
Camp counselor
Arts and crafts director
Library drudge
Dormitory computer expert
Computer lab help person
Project Manager for a waste management company
Hostess
Waitress
Admininstrative Assistant/Associate (secretary), public sector
Program Coordinator, public sector
Freelance graphic designer
Freelance set designer
Web writer

I went to Catholic school for twelve years. In fact, I've never attended a public school, unless you count the class I took at [Big Unnamed State University] for fun last year. If it doesn't count for LSAC, it doesn't count, right?

I love college football. College football is always exciting and fun, more so than professional football. I have season tickets to [Big Unnamed University] football—me and my husband, and about eight of our friends. And my dad and several other relatives. We're all big fans. Maybe we'll go to a good bowl game this year.

I have eight siblings, in various forms of step, half, and full.

I used to paint a lot, and one of my mother's favorite pictures is one I painted.

I also used to write a fair amount of poetry, but none of it was any good.

I have never attempted to write a short story, because I can never come up with a plot.

I did, however, once create a solo performance piece loosely based on a childhood experience. It got good reactions, and I used it for my senior comprehensive exam oral component.

I had to teach myself to cook so that I could eat when I got my first apartment. My mom didn't cook much, and I never picked up the art of it. So when I graduated college, I couldn't make much more than mac and cheese from the box. My roommate knew a little more than I did, but not much—we depended on her mom to send us easy-to-make recipes. Flash forward five years: I make a killer Hollandaise and she's in culinary school. Moral: everyone can learn to cook.

My husband is a full 14 (fourteen) inches taller than me. That makes me somewhat shorter than average and him somewhat taller than average. I am, in fact, the shortest full-grown woman in my family—including cousins, aunts, and sisters. I am even shorter than my mother. My youngest stepsister is only three inches away from being taller than me, so soon I will be just the shortest woman, no qualification, in my family. I complain about being short, but it's often a case of this lady protesting too much. There's a certain "caché" to being petite.

So there we go.

Oh, and I want to go to law school.

From Begging the Question

Here's a little sumpin' about blogging, from Begging the Question. I thought it was interesting, and I usually enjoy these kinds of things. I've modified the questions slightly and omitted some for which I had no answer. So, with no further ado...

Why did you get into blogging in the first place?
I am an early-adopter; I love new technology. I started using Blogger several years ago (maybe 2001?) because I was taking an online web design class and our teacher had a blog. I thought it was very cool and started my own. This was before the handy web-based tools at Blogger, and I had my blog FTP'd to a free geocities account. Then geocities cut off FTP, thus killing that website and my blog. I came back to blogging after a girl in a writing class I took wrote one of her papers on blogging. I had been looking for an outlet; blogging worked.

What are the best and worst aspects of blogging for you?
Best: psuedo-anonymity for my writing. A place to post random thoughts (in the case of my "personal" blog) and a place to post directed thoughts (this blog). Practice practice practice. Worst: pressure to be clever, write brilliant material all the time, get readership. I'm not sure I really care about readership, but everyone else does, so I guess I do too.

Do you use Blogger or Movable Type, or some other blogging system, and why that one?
Blogger for now. It's easy to update, always on, web-based. Nice. I'd consider moving to MT, but we'd have to see if the husband would be willing to fiddle with our server so I could. Also, I'm cheap. Blogger is free. MT is free, but a domain name isn't, and jumping through Time Warner's hoops to get a static IP is also not appealing. Typepad is intriguing, but also not free, and it seems like it's too easy. I like to have to enter a little code.

Do you have comments on your blog, and why?
I do have comments. Even though I have comments, my blog is mostly monologuey. Comments are like candy for me—something I don't get a lot of, but that make me happy when I do. I imagine that if my comments were to increase, the nature of my blog would change.

How much do you care about readership/links? Are you obsessive about checking the number of visitors you have ? Do you use SiteMeter, or Technorati, or TTLB, or other systems for measuring these things? Do you take any specific steps to increase readership, such as sending posts to other blogs or posting comments at other blogs asking readers to go to your blog?
I care a little about readership, as I said above. Part of me really wants other people to read my stuff and tell me it's good. I use SiteMeter, but the free version only since, as above, I am cheap, and I check once or twice a day. Not obsessive for me at all. I get a little upset when a given day's readership is down. And I get a little upset when my only referrals are from Blogger's "Next Blog" link. I post elsewhere with my URL, but not specifically to increase readership. I only comment when I have something useful to say.

Speaking of posting, is there something you would like to post about but don't, and why not?
I don't, in general, post a great deal about politics. I may indicate my preference via a news story link, but I usually feel so inarticulate when it comes to politics that I avoid that. I try not to use proper names and such because I don't want to create problems with my job. I could post more about my job and work, but I don't because that might spoil my pseudo-anonymity, but also because usually my thoughts on my job are fleeting—one minute, I'm miserable and the next I'm swelled with pride over a project. I try to make sure my posts are genuine thoughts, not emotion-influenced rantings.

What is the strangest web search that led to your blog?
Well, on my personal blog, someone got there by searching for "thom filica"—I had posted a humorous quote from Queer Eye. Not many searches lead here, and those that do are usually things like "conditional logic unless." Dull dull dull.

Explain your blogroll. How did you choose which blogs to put there, and how do you use your blogroll? How often is it updated?
My blogroll started out as the blogs I visited myself. Now that I am using an aggregator, I think I can be a little more discerning. But I haven't yet started to tweak it, since I'm still trying to decide what criteria will get someone on the roll. I don't update it often at all. That may change someday, but for now, Blogger isn't terribly friendly about quick-and-dirty updates like that. So I update only when I find a blog I really want to advertize. Oh, and often, I'll do linkbacks for people who've linked me. I like doing that, at least for now, while I'm a fledgling. It's polite and a nice "thank you."

Do many of your readers know you in "real life"? In other words, is your blog read by your friends, classmates, professors, co-workers? Do they even know you blog? Would your blog be different if all those people read the blog, and if so, how?
Most of my readers probably don't know me. A small contingent do—mostly folks I took a writing class with. I think, though, that anyone stumbling upon my blog who knew me in real life would not be surprised at any of the content. Oddly, the one person who doesn't read any of my blogs is my husband. Someday I may be ready to give him the address, but for now, it's sort of my special place.

What do you think is the future of blogging? Will blogs look the same in five or ten years? What long-term effects do you think blogs will have on other media? What effects will other media have on blogs (for example, will Big Media co-opt blogs)?
I don't know what will happen to blogs in the future. I'd like to think they'll stay sort of independent, but I think that's unlikely. Blogs sort of remind me of the "personal website" trend. For a while, lots of people had personal websites, with pictures or information, or just links. Now, personal websites are sort of dorky. Blogs are the thing to have. I imagine that new technologies will come along that will make blogs look crude and clunky. And blogs as they are now will become more sophisticated, and BigMedia will definitely take more notice. News sites will become more bloggish and less like electronic versions of a newspaper. That would be cool.

Do you see yourself blogging in one year? five years? ten years?
I do see myself blogging for a least a few more years. I'd like to blog through law school and then see what happens. A lot will depend on how invested I am in the writing I'm doing on my blog. If I feel that my purpose has faded, my blog may go away. After all, the boringest blogs are those without any direction. No one wants to read a daily recountinng of my trips to the grocery or the library—unless those posts develop some point that I'm trying to make. When my blog stops having a point, I'll probably get rid of it.

Yeeeee-owwww-zaaaa!!!

Oh goodnesss gracious me-oh-my...I just finished typing up my mental outline for my "new" personal statement. This one is SO MUCH BETTER than everything else I've written down so far. I cut the negativity and removed the "identity crisis" theme. I introduced a bit of my slightly odd upbringing, my quirky, artistic tendencies, and really punched up my deep, overwhelming need to write all the damn time.

Yes indeedy, my confidence has been boosted by about 200 percent. You see, not only did my words come out cleanly and clearly and with a definite focus and direction, but I also did an LSAT games section tonight, properly timed at 35 minutes only, and I got 16 out of 24 correct. In fact, I finished all but three questions. This means that I only missed five questions out of stupidity. Those are numbers I can deal with, particularly when you consider those numbers are about the same as my numbers taking 40 minutes to do a section. I. e., I've reduced my time but not reduced my performance. Now I can focus on speeding up and getting some of those trickier missed inferences.

Oh, and I ROCKED the grouping game on that particular section. Obviously, the study I've been doing on conditional logic is having a positive impact.

::::::big sigh::::::

I feel so much better. Life is good. Law school is on the horizon. All is well.

You know the lawyers have gone too far when...

...they try to sue a restaurant critic.

In the end, if the critic thought the ravioli contained gorgonzola, and the dish in fact did not, the oops is on her. All she did was out herself as a hack. Lawsuits are hardly necessary. The big chef-man should chuckle at her ignorance and go back to his saucier.

Working

I'm beginning a new draft of a personal statement. I hope this one works. I have it outlined in my head, and as I think through the various parts, I wonder if I'm focusing too much on this thing or that thing. I need to get it on paper before I can say for sure.

Meanwhile, LSAT study is sloooooow going. As in, I haven't been doing much. I feel like a bit of a slacker over here; I'll browse through the posts on Law School Discussion and wonder how I got so lazy! Some of those people have already finished filling out their applications!

Some of those people, too, are pretty unkind to the uncertain stranger. With every visit, I find my head shaking in disbelief. There are the mean people, who beat low-scorers into deep self-doubt: "You will NEVER get into ANY law school with a 149 on the LSAT!" There are the self-righteous: "If you want to raise your score from a 155 to a 165, you have to completely abandon your social life. I, personally, am studying six hours a day. I can't imagine doing any less, and if you're not doing that much, you won't do well." And there are the judgmental: "I'd maybe consider the University of Chicago, but it's in a shit hole neighborhood, and that just rules it out for me. I mean, it's a good school, but I wouldn't go there."

I don't want to be unfair—there is quite a lot of good advice on the boards, and there are many regular posters who are supportive and kind and encourage newbies. But, like every other message board, there are those who run wild under the cloak of anonymity. Hiding behind their avatars, they troll madly, flame wildly, and likely discourage some people from returning. And that's the true shame. Deciding to go to law school and actually undergoing the process is tough enough. No one who's pre-law needs extra negativity.

here's the real angst

I find myself this week really wondering if I've made the right decision, about going to law school.

I can't really imagine moving next year and trying to find a job in my industry. I'm pretty sure I'd be miserable if I tried that—in the private sector, I'd end up a drone at the bottom of the totem pole, and certainly much more unhappy with my job than I am now.

But I am questioning my motives. What makes law school more right for me than anything else? My friendly editing professor (who, in full disclosure, tries to convince every prospective law student to do something else if they can) thinks I should investigate the field of corporate communication, or institutional training. I'm dubious.

I like "teaching"—in the sense that I like helping people develop the skills they already have, primarily in writing. But I don't like dealing with unmotivated people, or people who just plain act stupid. You know the ones—they don't listen, refuse to read directions, and expect everything to be explained to them, if not actually completed for them. Those people are the reason I got out of retail and customer service. It drives me crazy dealing with people who feel they are entitled to waste my time just because I'm in the service position and they're the "customer."

So corporate comm seems like a ticket to looneyville for me. I'd go nuts within a year, I guarantee.

But why would I not go nuts as a lawyer? I mean, law is a service industry—despite what many people say or think. I'll be dealing with those same obstinate, "entitled" people, except, as a lawyer, they'll be my clients and I'll be forced to treat them nicely and I won't have the option of throwing them out of my office. (I've done that a few times, when I was being sassed by someone who didn't know what they were talking about. I'm not normally an aggressive or intemperate person, but something about those kinds of people just drives me bananas.)

Back to the discussion at hand. Now I'm really having to ask myself why law sounded so attractive all of a sudden earlier this summer. What did I see then that I can't grasp now?

I'd love to hear from people who had this same sort of unsureness—cold feet, if you will—after deciding on law school. Please, for my benefit, don't tell me you "always knew" you wanted to be a lawyer. That won't help me, since until a few months ago, I was pretty sure law was an unsavory profession.

[NB: Maybe that last sentence has something to do with my problem. Deep down inside I am still sort of convinced that most lawyers are in it for the money, out to screw their opponent, and totally amoral.]

aggregation

I finally found it.

I've been digging around the last few weeks for a news aggregator that I liked. I thought I wanted a desktop application, but the ones I tried were difficult to use and not usually free. I thought about a web-based one, but I hadn't seen a good one.

And then I found bloglines. Ooooh, I love it. Really. Seriously. Honestly. LOVE IT. Now, instead of randomly checking my blogroll every day, throughout the day, hoping someone has updated, I just check the notifier on my Dock. It shows me how many new posts are up in a pretty red oval, just like Mail. Happy me.

Oddly, I just found bloglines yesterday, and I found it on my own, via a Google search. After I'd set up my subscriptions, I read this advice on blogging by Scheherazade; and then another post on blogrolls by Slithery D.

I kind of wish I'd read either of these posts a few weeks ago, when I was pulling out my hair in frustration while trying to find a good aggregator. Meh.

Use an aggregator. It will make your life easier, I promise.

divine angst

Legal Hardball: Play ball? Lawyers would rather settle.

Why is this not surprising?

(NB: If you don't regularly read the Opinion Journal, you might have to give them an email address to read the article. You don't, however, have to create a password.)

coolest thing ever

UT Austin has just announced the Emerging Scholars Program, which sounds like the plummest opportunity a wanna-be legal scholar could hope for: $30K a semester to teach one course while working otherwise on "personaly scholarly projects." Three or four semesters of this, and then you go into the academic job market.

In other words, please come to UT Austin and teach a course a semester. When you're not in class, we'll pay you to work on whatever you're working on right now, so you can get it published and then get a job, probably somewhere else.

Wow. I wonder how hard it would be to come back to Austin after three years away at law school? I wonder if the husband would be willing to do that?

by the by

Blogger seems to want to give me another Gmail account, even though I've already gotten a Gmail account via Blogger.

So on that note, I have a few Gmail invitations crying out for recipients. If you'd like to experience the marvels of 1G of storage and a relatively new concept in message storing and retrieval, give me a comment. Make sure you include your email address and I'll invite you to join.

If you're one of those people who avoids Gmail because it's too creepy, consider this.

Also remember that there are alternatives to web-based email. I myself have three POP accounts, and many more webmail accounts. It's a little compartmentalized, but it means important work-related email doesn't end up lost in the middle of message-board notifications and sale notices from a few of my favorite online shopping sites. Gmail is just one of many ways to keep my personal, private email personal and private without robbing me of the ability to register for just about any online site I want to.

Getting better...

Took another practice LSAT this weekend, fully timed with a "bonus" section for stamina purposes.

I must be getting better, because I got 16 games questions right, compared to 7 and 11 on previous timed tests. I would have gotten more, but I spent way too much time on a grouping game (those get me every time) and didn't have time to finish the last game. The benefit is that I now know that grouping games are, in fact, my games bane. I'll be reviewing the LG Bible for help on those this week. And I'll be reviewing conditional logic, since that's what seems to really trip me up. Blargh.

One final note: If I were to score on the actual LSAT as I did on this last practice test, I would be happy. Not ecstatic—my top-choice schools would still definitely be reaches—but I'd be happy. If, however, I could raise my score by, say, three points, I'd be overjoyed.

Finally, I know a woman who scored a 170 on the LSAT and once she did, she "knew" she'd get into Harvard. How? From everything I can tell, even a 4.0 and a 170 isn't a lock for any of the top three schools. :::head shaking:::

new

I've just added Stay of Execution to my blogroll. Most of my blogroll links out to other pre-law and law students, but since I've got Anonymous Lawyer on there, I thought I could add an alternative opinion.

One of the reasons I like Stay of Execution is that I think she is the sort of lawyer I'd like to be. Her posts are not uniformly about being a lawyer; she obviously has other interests besides her job (or looking for a job, or enjoying a summer hiatus, as it were); and she thinks. I fear the law I read about on Anonymous Lawyer. Particularly one of his more recent posts. Is it unrealistic to expect that young law students who are unsure about what they'll want to do professionaly might clerk in a BigLaw firm just to see what it's about, without automatically accepting end-of-summer offers? I expect a lot of them accept the offers because the money is so damn good. And that is sad.

I've been talking a lot about why I want to be lawyer, particularly in reference to writing my personal statement. One thing I can say, without equivocation, is that the money has very little to do with it. I currently work for a large, public institution, and I know that someone with my job in the private sector could easily be making 30% more than I do. I work where I work because, in some ways, it is rewarding, not because I want to make a lot of cash. ("In some ways rewarding" because I am obviously looking for something more, else I wouldn't be planning to go to law school.)

Financial stability is important, if only so you can provide for your children and not starve. But I wore shoes from Payless and clothes from Marshall's when I was a kid, and, while I wasn't the best-dressed kid at my school, I was never naked and barefoot. I never went hungry.

I hope that when I am a law student, and preparing to be a practicing lawyer, I have the courage to seek out jobs where my values are appreciated. I have a suspicion that many law students are swayed by the prospect of six-figure salaries right out of school, the work environment be damned.

I guess I have enough work experience to know that where you work is at least as important as how much you are paid. And, at least for me, I know that six-figures will not be enough to convince me to work ungodly hours away from my family. Nor will it be enough to allow myself to be treated badly or taken advantage of. That said, I wouldn't turn my back on a firm where I am valued and respected and treated fairly just because of the reputation of BigLaw.

What the hell is a personal statement, anyway?

Slithery D writes this in reference to an earlier post of mine.

I admit, based on what I wrote, D's analysis is spot on. He says:

"I've never been an admissions officer, but I seem to recall they want a picture of you as a person. They know you want to go to law school. They know that many people who get in find they made a mistake. I don't think they worry too much about prescriptively fixing this problem for you. Instead, they want an "interesting" or "diverse" class."

My personal statement that my personal god of editing shredded, though, did none of these things. All it did was talk about how unsatisfied I am with my current career. And then, there was a little blurb at the end about how law sounded perfect for me. Ooooh, she'll make a great lawyer! In reality, I was making excuses for myself, complaining about my life, and stating that I needed a change. Why law should be that change wasn't really clear. As my editing god said, "This sounds like you just need a better job—why would a law prof on the admissions committee think you were particularly suited for law instead of, say, for an editorial job at a magazine?"

Good point.

So, when I said, "Admissions committees just want to know why I will make a good lawyer—and why I'll do so now," I didn't mean that I'm planning an opus on how passionate I am about justice and public service and fixing the wrongs of our evil world, and how that will make me a damn fine attorney. I meant, instead, that my statement needs to focus on me and what it is about me that will make me a good lawyer. Being unhappy with my job does not particularly suit me for any one profession.

What does suit me for law? Well—yes, it's trite, and talking about it is embarrassing—I really enjoy working for more than the bottom line.

I like the idea of having a vocation that actually, somehow, matters. I talked about this in my earlier post—law makes a difference. Even BIGLAW lawyers are making a difference. You know, my current career is in a visual medium, and I can make a difference by choosing who and what I work for. But my career in itself does not provide any guarantee of making the world a better place. Only, perhaps, a better-looking place. Face it—everything we do is touched by law, which makes lawyers the plastic surgeons of society. Some are there for purely cosmetic procedures; others repair congenital defects; still others come in behind the big blowups and try to make scars and wounds less noticeable and less painful. Some move around and do a little of everything. But they all touch the law, change it, alter it, modify it, and that affects our future.

But I digress. Why will I make a good lawyer? My profile says I want to teach—and that means I want to publish—and that's important, because I really enjoy getting down into the nitty gritty of an issue or subject or even the use of a particular word and figuring out what's wrong with it, right with it, how it matters, and what can be done to make it better. Then I like to tell people about it. I also like to argue. I like to tell people they're wrong and then explain why. I hate being wrong, but when I am, I will admit it—grudgingly. Still, being wrong won't stop me from trying to figure out why the other person isn't right.

I like to read and write, but I don't write fiction. I couldn't write a short story for a million dollars—at least, not a good one. I pen the occasional poem, but those are usually wretched, too. I love to edit. I can't even say how gratifying I find the entire process of picking apart someone's work and putting it back together so they can make it better, more precise, more clear, more real. If you're pre-law, or in law, I hope you understand.

I've never been a huge fan of lawyers—the kind that advertize on the back of phone books or during daytime television. But I deeply admire the lawyers who work for something they believe in. The process of developing a key case, in the hopes of affecting major change, is fascinating to me. I'm thinking right now of Mary Bonauto and GLAD (and, for that matter, LAMBDA Legal Defense) who worked very hard for over a decade, choosing the right time and place to bring a critical case to trial in order to win a favorable decision. This is the kind of law I'd want to be involved in, the kind of law I hope I can be involved in.

The kicker is that I have to tell the admissions committee about all those things that will make me a good lawyer without being boring. Because D is right—there's the safe-and-boring brand of personal statement, and there's the get-me-noticed-and-admitted brand. I'm a big fan of the latter. I just have to write the damn thing.

Study

This week, I seem to have lost the will to study. I had to give myself some time off last weekend, considering I was drugged to the hilt and couldn't think straight, but my mind somehow hasn't grasped that the vacation is over. I'm having trouble getting motivated.

Meanwhile, I've discovered that I do best with games when I've "warmed up" a bit. I bought Kaplan LSAT 180 and I'm getting through the games, just not quickly. I am enjoying them, though—which has to be a good sign. And when I've done two or three, I feel nicely prepared to tackle more.

So, perhaps I'll need to get up super-early the morning of the LSAT and do a couple of brainteasers and games just to get my gray matter moving. I hate getting up early.

I find this incredibly ironic

You're The Mists of Avalon!

by Marion Zimmer Bradley

You're obsessed with Camelot in all its forms, from Arthurian legend to the Kennedy administration. Your favorite movie from childhood was "The Sword in the Stone". But more than tales of wizardry and Cuban missiles, you've focused on women. You know that they truly hold all the power. You always wished you could meet Jackie Kennedy.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Someone with Something to say about Style

I think style is one of the most nebulous factors of anyone's writing. It's difficult to pin down, harder to articulate, and nearly impossible to teach. But all good writers unquestionably display a distinct style. Here's a discussion of style that seems to capture some of the elusiveness of it.

[Style] emerges when writers are comfortable and proficient with their tools. Style is expressed unconsciously, but shaped consciously, in revision. It is a whispering, not a shouting voice; whether readers discern it depends on their familiarity with the writer and their own skill as readers. The writer himself or herself is aware of it; identifying, developing, and shaping it is one of the main pleasures of the craft.

If you are interested in style, Strunk and White should be on your shelf. But so, too, should be Writing with Style. Yagoda doesn't mention it, but he should have.

Another personal statement shredded

....but at least this time, he said that if the particular piece of writing I shared today did nothing else, it proved at least that I can really write. That's good to know—I just can't write an effective personal statement.

Never fear, though, I have plenty of time, and am really only on draft number two. Well, now I'm on draft number three, since draft number two is garbage. Or at least, not personal-statement-worthy writing.

A big part of my problem in writing a statement is that I still feel that I need to explain myself. I'm still mentally excusing myself for the last five years spent "finding myself" when, in reality, I don't need to say anything at all about them. OK, perhaps I need to acknowledge them, but I don't need to take more than fifty to one hundred words to detail my disillusionment with what I thought was my chosen career, right? Admissions committees just want to know why I will make a good lawyer—and why I'll do so now.

So, the five years I've been out of school are of no importance except as a learning experience. I don't need to make excuses for the jobs I've held. (Although, I might want to make the titles sounds nicer; it sort of stinks when you work for an employer that considers anyone without several technical certifications to be an "administrative associate." Seriously. There are pretty much no other titles, even if you do nothing remotely "administrative.")

What I do need to talk about is why, in particular, law. After all, if I were just bored with my current job, I could take some community college courses and try and do something else. (I've done that before, why not again?) And if I just want to get an advanced degree, why a law degree? Surely there are other graduate programs that would be satisfying, right?

But deep down inside me, I really feel drawn to law. I don't think I'd be fulfilled in an MFA Writing program; I'm almost positive the people in any theatre graduate program would drive me batty. I don't want to have to learn any languages or take any remedial undergraduate coursework—I want to move forward and learn new things, rather than looking backwards or sideways and playing catch-up.

Why law? I keep coming back to this question, and I think I'm finally starting to articulate it with some success.

Thusly, my reasons for law are twofold:

1. Learning the law, legal practice, and legal scholarship all serve the greater good. Yes, yes, there are slick, shady lawyers who are only out to make the money, but law, as a discipline, inherently serves the public. You can serve the public by being someone's attorney and writing out contracts, wills, estates, and other defining documents; you can serve the public by representing an accused person; you can represent the public by prosecuting criminals. You can serve the public by simply practicing law and helping society to refine the fabric of our lives. (I don't mean cotton, of course.) So, I am drawn to law because I like that it is a discipline that actually matters—it has an effect on everyone.


2. The study of law, and law as a discipline, is intellectual. It requires a brain. You need to be able to read critically, write clearly, edit precisely, and argue effectively. While I am sure there are law practices where you really can just phone it in, I suspect most lawyers do a lot of learning for the rest of their lives. (I know for a fact that most must complete continuing legal education classes yearly.) To be a good lawyer, you really should possess a mature intellect, and be interested in continuing to expand your knowledge. Law is a constant education, and requires a willingness to constantly be educated.

So. There are my reasons for law. On to the personal statement.

taking care of things now

I had my wisdom teeth out today. I had an eye exam last week. I am fully prepared to have any other major medical and dental work needed done within the next twelve months while I still have good insurance. My medical insurance is so good that they covered my wisdom teeth, since they were "complete bony impactions." This rocks. Unfortunately, I had to get a special referral for it, so I have to wait for a reimbursement for at least a portion of the cost from the oral surgeon, once his office submits the claim. Hopefully it will be quick.

Meanwhile, my husband has discovered a really excellent grad program for him in Boston. I planned to apply to Harvard anyway, just for a lark, but now I'll probably consider BU, BC, and Northeastern as a sort-of safety, also. Likewise, NC State seems to have a good program for him, so add UNC and Duke to that list. The Research Triangle could be a good location, since my in-laws are there, and we could have lots of good, free meals, as well as the possibility of child care at some point. Husband isn't so jazzed about the Triangle for that very reason—his parents moved there, and since then, his brother and his wife have also. Husband seems to think moving there would be a sort of capitulation. It confuses me sometimes, but I'm pretty willing to go anywhere as long as there's a good law school nearby, so I don't let it get to me.

My list of eight has now grown to thirteen. I'm going to have to wait to decide on some of these until I get my LSAT back and can see if I qualify for any fee waivers. I'm not sure I can afford to apply out of pocket to thirteen law schools. I'm also not sure that applying to thirteen isn't bad luck, which means I might need to add another just to get a better total. (After all, fourteen is twice seven, and seven is a very mystical number, as well as being a prime. Just go read the Bible if you don't believe the first assertion. Seven is HUGE in Revelation. And we all remember that movie, Se7en. Creepy.)

sometimes i get ahead of myself

For instance, the whole discussion below about children in law school. After all, it's a bit premature to consider what will happen when I'm in law school when I am not yet accepted anywhere. I think where I get accepted will have as much influence on what decision is made on that front as my biological clock will. (Ref. the discussion of commuting issues. If either I or my husband has to commute a great distance because our campuses are not close, kids may not happen when I want them to.)

Anyway, this post was supposed to be about how excited I am getting about the prospect of not only being in school, but also how excited I am that I discovered law. "Discovered"—like I made it up or something. What I mean is that in all of my searching for something that I 'd really enjoy as a profession, I can't help but wonder how I missed law all along.

One of my majors in college was religion, and probably my absolute favorite class was Philosophy of Religion. Now, this had at least something to do with my prof—we were all pretty sure he grew pot in his backyard, and he had a side business weaving shawls and throws and other pieces of fabric (lovely, actually). He used to sit in the lotus position on the table at the front of the classroom. He was a trip—and also completely brilliant, of course.

The real reason I loved that class, though, was because it was such a marvelous mental exercise. I never really enjoyed pure philosophy but, then, I never really had a good prof. Maybe I would have been a great philosopher. There's something sort of thrilling about reading something and then letting your mind take it on an imaginative tangent, searching for deeper meanings. This is also why I really enjoy Jewish parables—same deal. (I also really like the concept that, in Judaism, arguing with God is almost a mandate. That's the kind of God I can get behind.)

Anyway, the more I delve into "law" as a subject of study, as well as the process of law, the study of law, the writing of law, the more excited I get. And that's as clear a sign to me as any that this is the path for me. It's nice, after two years of experiencing a growing anomie, to finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. It's also even more thrilling to realize it's not all that odd for me to be attracted to law—it actually makes a lot of sense. If only I'd known what the study of law was all about before my mid-to-late twenties.

"What good are lawyers if they can't jump through hoops for you?"

—tonight's Smallville rereun

addendum

With all my questions about having kids in law school, it seems I forgot that my own (single) mother not only worked full time while raising my brother and I, but also completed bachelor's and master's degrees. It only took her an extra two or so years than if she'd gone daytime and not worked, which means she never took fewer than 9 hours a semester. And you know what? I never felt neglected. I respect my mother so much for doing what was important and necessary for her happiness, rather than doing what was easy.

So I've been reading lots of discussion boards where non-parents talk about how impossible it must be to have a child while in school, and how anyone who considers it is nuts. There's a sort of blanket denial that having kids while in school is possible, or desireable. When I come across these opinions (and I mean the obstinate, "no way" ones, not the reasonable, "consider the implications" ones) I try to remember my mom and how strong she was. And then I remind myself that there will never be a "right time" to have kids. After all, if we try now, for instance, we'll have a newborn when we start and my 1L year will go down the toilet; if we try while we're in school, well, we'll be in school; if we try after we're both out, we'll have to deal with the implications to my career. None of these options sound great!

I think the reason the middle option seems most desirable is that, at least while we're in school, we'll have more "flexible" time than when we are working. Our scheduled time will be minimal—classtime, essentially. The rest of the day is flexible—we can fit study time into slots between childcare and family time, meals, naps, and errands. We can schedule our classes to be offset, so one of us is always home. Not only will we not have to put our child in daycare as an infant, but also we'll both get to really dive into being new parents. I don't want to be the only parent that experiences all the baby firsts—I want my husband to have that, too.

The woman I had lunch with yesterday had her child right before finals, first semester of 3L. She found out early enough that she took a full course load that summer and only had a few credits to complete in her final semester. She said she felt almost like a stay-at-home mom at times. And then she encouraged me not to close the door on starting a family while in school. It can be done.

I know there are lots of other law students who are or have been in this situation—Harvard even has a student organization for parents and would-be parents. So I want to hear from more people who have done it or know people who have done it, and how it affected their grades and personal life.

starting a family

One of my big concerns about going to law school involves children. I'll admit it, my biological clock is ticking. I've never really thought of myself as the kind of person to be a stay-at-home mom, but I do want kids. And I'd honestly rather have them sooner than later.

So my hairbrained law school urge sort of throws a big monkey wrench into the whole idea of having kids. Is it wise to have a child while in law school? I can only imagine the impact on my career if I try to have a child as a first-year associate, at any firm. How long will we have put off having a family?

It's not that I mind waiting until the time is right, it's that I'm afraid of waiting too long. I'm afraid if we keep saying, "oh no, next year," that we'll look up and find ourselves approaching forty, without ever deciding to just go for it.

This is part of the reason I find transmogriflaw so interesting. And that lunch I had today? She also had a child while in law school. Obviously people are taking the plunge—but how scary it must be! I have all sorts of other questions that relate, too. For instance, I guess it's not so difficult to be a student and have a child, since your time is a little freer, but what about after school? If you don't live near family, who takes care of the children? I really hate the idea of day care—too many bad memories—but how else can both parents have careers? With student loans to pay off, how can you not work for several years? These are all the questions that plague me, even as I start to become more and more certain we'll probably start our family while we're in school.

I know there aren't any easy answers, and I know that the answers vary for each person. Still, I'm curious and interested to know what other people think, what they'd do or have done.

my anal-retentive inner overachiever

In order to satisfy that inner beast of mine, I have established a lovely Excel spreadsheet schedule of LSAT study. In doing so, I discovered that my frugal resistance to buying all three sets of previously administered LSATs is a problem. I bought two. I really need the third one to have enough tests to study.

I have exactly (from today!) two months to beat Logic Games into submission, and relearn what I thought was an innate ability to be stress-free during timed, standardized exams.

Many thanks to engilaw and janine for their criticisms of the LGBible. I have tried to ignore the timing warnings—much like I've refused to learn their handy trademarked names for game categories—but apparently some of it seeped into the gray matter. It's time to begin a course of innoculation.

This week, I begin working logic games sections, untimed. My husband will time me only to see how long it takes me to get through one without any pressure. Next week, if I feel up to it, I start working backwards towards the 35 minute mark. I plan to break the monotony of games by also reviewing logical reasoning, which I have no real problem with, but no point in not trying to increase my performance there, and reading comprehension, which I have no problem with, unless the passage is absolutely nonsensical (as was one in last weekend's test, urgh).

And I am working on my personal statement. Having lunch tomorrow with a lawyer my writing prof had as a student many years ago—he thinks we have similar sensibilities, and that I could gain much from chatting with her. Maybe I'll gain some profound insight from speaking with her. Maybe I'll just stop fretting about things so much.

Meh

I consider myself a good test taker. I've always done well on standardized tests.

So today I took my second, timed, full-length practice LSAT. I even added a bogus section from another test to simulate the actual length of the thing. I've been working my butt off on Logic Games.

I freaked out about my time and BOMBED the Logic Games section. Again. Not as badly, true, but I did not do well. I went back, looked at the questions I got wrong, and discovered that I made stupid mistakes on every single one. And I know it was because I freaked out about the time thing! I couldn't stop looking at my timer. This has never happened to me.

I blame the Logic Games bible. Yes, it totally helped me figure out diagramming and game strategies, but it has this obscene emphasis on how much time you can devote to each game. "8 minutes, 45 seconds for each game and you can do all of them! If you are taking more time than that, you won't have as much to do the other games. Monitor your time carefully!"

Well, shit. No wonder. I didn't freak about time in any of the other sections, and why? Because I wasn't stressed over spending "exactly 2 minutes, 17 seconds on each two-question scenario, and less than 1 minute 22 seconds on the others." (I made those numbers up. The LG Bible's numbers seem almost as arbitrary.)

Today's Fortune Cookie

"He who loves you will follow you."

How prophetic.

Diagramming this as a conditional statement, we get:
L -> F

The contrapositive:
~F -> ~L or, "He who does not follow you does not love you."

Likewise, "He does not love you unless he follows you."

[I do find it odd that I got a "girl" fortune. I wonder if some Chinese restaurants have baskets of "boy" fortune cookies and baskets of "girl" fortune cookies. Because if my husband had gotten that fortune, I would have thought it extrememly funny.]

personal statement hell

Yesterday, I met with one of my professors (took a class with him post-BA) who will be writing me a rec and helping me edit my personal statement.

He was not nice about the stuff I showed him yesterday. It was sort of discouraging. He was absolutely correct, of course, but not at in the least bit pleased with anything I had written down to show him. This makes me a little sad. Not that he was honest, but that everything that flows from my pen isn't automatically wonderful!

I always wanted to be an artist. I just never had the right skills for it. I could never be a creative writer, because I can't come up with stories. I thought I wanted to be an actress, but then it turned out that I stunk at acting. So I starting doing set design, which I was decent at, but only in a nurturing, educational environment—which professional theatre is not.

But surely my personal statement can be artistic, right?

What my wonderful, supportive prof told me was spot on:
"Law professors will be reading this. They do not care about extended metaphors, nor do they care about the literary-ness of your work. They want to see who you are, why you want to go to law school, and what you have to offer. Do not tell us how your desire to go to law school is like learning to cook. Do not compare this search for your passion to 'finding your personal oyster.' Just put on paper who you are, why you want to go to law school, and what you have to offer. It does not have to be boring, but it needs to be straightforward."

Good advice for the wanna-be artist in me. Particularly since my strengths are in sensible, clear, easy-to-read writing. Why do I always try to make things harder on myself?

just when you get comfortable

I've been getting really excited about the prospect of living in Chicago. The programs I've looked at there seem perfect for me, I like the idea of living close to downtown and traveling almost entirely on the train. Even the prospect of some real winter weather has me sort of happy.

Last night, my dear husband told me he's most attracted to the program in Baltimore.

Well, poop.

I've gotten less and less excited about being DC, less and less thrilled with the programs there, and definitely less and less happy with the prospect of dealing with a long commute. I'm well aware that the I-95 corridor between Baltimore and DC is a nightmare of vehicular traffic. I've been told that, unless you live in an ideal neighborhood, life in DC is not all that great as most of it is a cesspool. And the schools there....well, they seem more and more full of themselves with less and less justification.

But marriage is a compromise, right? And if the DC/Baltimore area is where my husband needs to be, then we'll go there. After all, a JD is a JD and it's most important that we BOTH be employable after school, rather than one of us having a shit degree because the other wanted to go to a marginally more respected institution.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that if I got into the University of Chicago, then Chicago would be our best bet. But if I got into Northwestern and Georgetown, it would probably be a bit of a toss up in terms of prestige on my degree.

The funniest thing is that, two weeks ago, I was definitely more excited about DC, and profoundly lukewarm about Chicago. Now I'm eager to visit the Chicago schools, and try living in the cold Midwest. Those same two weeks ago, DH certainly seemed to prefer Chicago (he's always wanted to live there, remember), and considered DC a stretch. Now we've flip-flopped.

Somehow I suspect we'll continue this trend for a while.

marginal progress is still progress

Back to harping on the Logic Games thing. Still having a LITTLE trouble on conditional reasoning, but it's beginning to get clearer. Practice makes perfect, right? I have a little over two months to work through twenty practice tests—oops, sorry, twenty-one, since I got a copy of the June 2004 from someone who took it. I have the last quarter of the Logic Games Bible. And I don't really have anything else to do. Besides my personal statement, but I've already started on that, too. Resume—I've got one of those, it just needs to be slightly modified for the purpose.

Essentially, this process has become part of my daily schedule. I have absorbed it. Internalized it. Me and law school, we're like this: [insert visual of two fingers crossed over each other]. Yes indeedy.

I'm still somewhat petrified, though.

Why Law? Why Now?

Yes, I know—the question is not original. But it's a question my husband asked me Saturday night after dinner.

His question wasn't fully uninformed—after all, he's been privy to nearly the entire saga, ever since the idea took root and started to sprout.

But it was that part of the saga he hadn't seen that made him curious. See, it goes like this:

I've thought of law school before, but always dismissed it out of hand for various reasons. One of these reasons had to do with the way my family (mostly small-business owners and entrepreneurs) think of lawyers—as slime. Another reason was related to my own experience with the few lawyers I know not as lawyers, but as people, and the poor life choices I sometimes see them making. The last major reason was my own misperception of law as sort of nonacademic. I'd never really looked at law school as "graduate school"—I'd always thought of it as vocational school, sort of like medical school. I admire doctors quite a bit, but I know many doctors who can't string together ten words into a coherent written sentence. Medical school prepares one for the practice of medicine, not for a life of learning. Law school seemed to be the same.

So that's the background my husband did not have. And the day I blurted out to him, "Maybe I'll go to law school," we'd just come from a weekend trip where we spent at least one evening with friends of friends who were lawyers. We had cocktails at these lawyers' house, their very nice house. And my husband had this niggly thought in the back of his brain that I decided I wanted to go to law school because I saw how much money I could make.

I almost had to laugh. Actually, I did laugh. I immediately saw why he wondered that—the timing was really coincidental—and money worries have not been strangers to us in the las